What's Next?

It is the first of January 2011. And I'm feeling sleepy but I cannot bring myself to sleep without shedding my first thought of this year.

Another year had slipped off. 2010, once been welcomed with great joy and expectations, is now a part of history. 2010 has been extremely remarkable for all of us Filipinos.

To name a few, the global financial crisis felt sometime of 2008 which brought mass layoffs to a number of companies somehow had been lessen if not ended in the year 2010. This is something positive though there still lots of jobless college graduates that contributed to a high unemployment rate.

The ex-President's death on year 2009 had helped increase political power to her son, now President Ninoy. Filipinos were united to elect someone they believed can be trusted, who exhibits concern with Philippine government, someone who will going to act on better governance and to lessen if not totally eradicate corruption. The 2010 election I believe is the first time in the Philippine history where no cheating was done on presidential position. Take note, presidential position only.

The poverty that most indigent Pinoy have been experiencing is no less but greater than the year before. But thank God that the same Ondoy tragedy that caused deaths of hundreds of Filipinos in the year 2009 did not reoccur. Though there are lists of natural disasters from the different parts of the Philippines, Filipinos still live through great extent of survival. And not to mention the hostage-taking happened near the Manila city hall, just off Rizal Park leaving Philippine lambasted with critics, another blow to an arising success of Philippine tourism.

Come 2011, what's next?

We have our own sets of expectations and goals. Renewed hope? Yes, new year restores our mind sets, leaving negativities with the old year. Renewed people especially politicians? How I wish we will have.

Contemplations

It's almost the end of year and a beginning of a new year. Just the usual time when we take a look at where we stand with our lives and dreams, whether we are where we expected ourselves to be.

We evaluate ourselves of the following:
- what we have and haven't accomplished
- the highlights and low-lights of the past year
- the things we should have done better
- the things that we haven't done because we were afraid of the consequences

I know somewhere, some are contemplating on the following rhetorical questions:

For those that are burn-out or no longer happy staying with their job, is it time to leave my job? Followed with, am I making enough money? Piece of advice: before you fly off your job, be sure to have a replacement. Remember that a bird in the hand is so much better than two in the bush. No matter how burn-out you are, spice up your patience to punch your time card until you find something else better.

For those that are planning to get married, is he/she really the one for me? Will our love lasts a lifetime? Am I ready to accept his/her flaws and love him/her with his/her imperfections? Hmmm.. are you having a pre-wedding jitters? Before you end up being a runaway bride/groom, think about this: can you live the rest of your life without him/her? If your answer is no, then it is likely that he/she is really the one for you despite all his/her imperfections and your love will lasts till you both have gray hairs and wrinkles on your face until such time that one of you will leave this earth.

For those half-halfheartedly deciding on something, is my decision right? Weighing the pros and cons of a decision is really hard. Just think about the consequences of what you are going to do and think about the good it will brought you and the people which will directly be affected by your actions.

For those experiencing problem with their life, will I survive this blow? Of course you will! God is not going to give you a cross you could not carry. Just hold on to him while steadfastly carrying on your burden. It is not always all the time that fate is against you.

Oh and I personally mull over some two questions above.

Just this Christmas, I had prepared a list of things I want to receive as a gift. A wish list. As expected, I have not received everything in that list. But as I withdraw myself from that christmassy feeling, I would like to replace that Christmas list with a 2011 wish list, my personal game plan of what will come next. Same to that Christmas wish list, I'm as well expecting some in the list will not go the way I planned it to be.

As I look back at my 2010 life full of surprises, ups and downs, I admit I could not 100% figure out where I stand. But with my 2011 wish list tucked in mind, I'm definitely sure to welcome 2011 with big changes :)

Crossing my fingers that luck will knock at my door this 2011 and the same wish goes to everyone.

Things to thank for

As I behest myself to reflect on my life this past one year, it dawned on me that despite a number of disappointments and an endless list of things unaccomplished, my life has still been considerably rich and rewarding.

For one, the problem I had encountered with my job application earlier this year had been a blessing in disguise. I have earned their trust and respect which in return, I had achieved yet again another factor that contributed to my 'self-worth'.

The confusion with my family was straightened out. The exchanges of defensive words had led us to listen and understand each other better. It helped us be more appreciative of each other plus the fight we had became an avenue for us to have an open communication and a higher degree of closeness. I admit it really helped me a lot. My worrying nature that causes me to be short-tempered lessens.

My nephew died and during this grave situation, my family was together and even my boyfriend was there to help. Together, we had pulled through each other, we had pulled though my brother. And this situation had instilled a lesson into my brother who I think is still not ready to be a father. Sad to say, a life-lesson learned at the expense of losing a family member. I know God did not want like this to happen, but His will serves a purpose. During those moments at the hospital, while watching my nephew having a hard time breathing, I whispered to God that if he's really meant for us then save my nephew of all the pain and let him live, but if he's not then take him and we will give him back to Him. It helped me realized that whatever He gave us will be taken from us if were not worth it.

My relationship with my boyfriend has its own ups and downs. The ups had let us enjoy and cherish each other, the downs made us appreciate and bring the best of each other making our bond stronger. I pray that this bond is tight enough to face another storm that surely would come our way and I also pray that nothing will obstruct our plan this coming year.

Lastly, I've been financially tight but despite the low budget, we were able to get through by not being recklessly wasteful.

I have other things to be thankful of, the good friendship I have with some, my housemates, yen, zette, shiela (we are with each other whenever the low of life hits)... my mother despite being an old woman is still trying her best to cook meals (the best!) for us, new acquaintance (Ms. Mabelle who's trying to help me with my Mary Kay business). I also want to thank people who had been unpleasant and had added a challenge to my life. It is also through them that I considered my life meaningful. Without this kind of people, how on earth would I learn how to deal with difficult people? For this, I thank God for sending them my way :)

I thank my boyfriend for giving me a laptop as a gift. With this laptop, I hope I could resurrect my blogging life.

I want Christmas Joys to Last

A whole year had gone by and before I knew it, this year's Christmas had already slipped off. Food were everywhere. Streets were busy and shopping malls were jam-packed with people who had jiggled their way for a last minute shopping. Everyone was filled with Christmas spirit. Even strangers I had met along the way had looked up and smiled at me with a hint of Christmas greetings in their eyes.

We feel so blessed, happy, forgiving and kind. We forgot misdoings of people who had hurt us. And personally, I want this special feeling to last all year long not just on Christmas season. I want it to last 365 days and repeat the joy of giving, sharing and loving year after year after year. Imagine a place where everyone is kind and living harmoniously with each other, what a perfect place to live!

I hope everyone had a happy Christmas.

Let's go bargain shopping

With the holiday fast approaching, everyone are going in and out of malls for their digs of gift items. But with the budget on the look, most of the people are heading to the cheapest place in the heart of Manila, to Divisoria, where shoppers can do their bargain shopping -- great finds at the lowest price! If you enjoy haggle then you'll find Divi, despite of it being crowded, a must place to go for shopping.

I'm taking advantage of tomorrow's holiday and planning my value shopping trip to Divisoria. I'm expecting my shopping would not be a breeze, streets will be jam-packed so I'm just crossing my fingers for a nice weather tomorrow. I'm also preparing myself for a haggling, walking and bargaining.

My first stop - Divisoria Mall - a three-story shopping mall and market along Juan Luna Street. Here I plan to buy toys for my nephews and nieces, t-shirts/shors for my inaanak, gift items for office mates and friends.

Second stop, if I'm lucky, I could roam around Tabora St. to look for threads that my mama could use for her sewing needs and gantsilyo making. I remember the last time I came for a holiday shop in Divi, Tabora St. were so crowded I could hardly move.

Third stop, 168 mall. Most of the people go here for modern and more convenient wholesale and retail shopping. This mall houses wide selections of stores offering all kinds of commodities from novely items, bags, shoes, office supplies, RTWs and other.


With a company of good friends, I will surely enjoy shopping. But beware, some are so engaged with their shopping that they didn't notice their wallets or celfones are already gone.

Here are few tips that I just wanna share:

- list down items that you want to buy and estimate the price
- come down to a budget and bring money that is just close within your allotted budget
- arm yourself with a cash, credit cards are useless here. Just enough cash and beware of pick pockets
- dress comfortably, don't wear jewelries
- be alert and always mind your belongings

My first blog award, ever!

Just wanted to brag about this new blog award I received from Aries. Thank you so much for letting me know my thoughts (some are jabbers) went unnoticed.


I am passing this on to the following:

1. RicAdemus (http://ricademus.blogspot.com)
2. Weezer (http://weezershaven.blogspot.com)
3. Ems (http://robinemz.blogspot.com)

I would like to add more when I get back. Right now, need to go back to work. The server is now up and running which means time to get busy.

On Breaking Up and Moving On

Why is that most of the guys I happened to encounter lately are, apology for my term but this I think would best describe them, -- chicken!

How would you call a guy who you've fallen in love with, whom you stayed in love with for years, whom you expect to go on loving for years to come, will just be gone like a bubble disappearing in thin air without any word leaving someone in a limbo

Coward!

I haven't been in the position of a woman being left behind but I can't help it but feel my friend's recent torment. A breakup, where two people agreed to set part ways can still be emotionally painful but when a relationship has come to an end without you knowing the reason behind why it happened, it can be distressing.

An advice to any guys out there who wanted so much to get out in a relationship but doesn't know how to do it, don't just leave your woman hanging. You are just hurting her more. Don't be so chicken that you just think and decide "it's alright, she can easily forget me". Knowing a woman, she'll keep on asking why and will not be fully appeased until she got an answer. Worst, she'll be afraid to re-establish another relationship. Have a courage to talk to her and say what you really mean to say. If it's breaking free with the relationship, let her be the first to know. And end it in person not thru emails, texts or phone calls. Have the decency to say it to her face.

For girls, surely you can move on. This is not the end of world for you yet. If a guy wants out he means it and for you wanting to go back into a relationship with this person likely won't change the fact that he does not want it anymore.

If a guy left you without a word of hint and you keep on thinking about why's and what ifs, then seek a formal closure. Don't be afraid to ask for a meeting and say your final goodbye. Remember that the purpose of your meeting is to end the relationship so don't hope and try to patch things up with him. When you're done, move on with your life. It is normal that at first you'll feel the pain each time you think of him and your days together. How to deal life when you're hurting? I always advice a friend to do some makeover but not for the purspose of winning back the guy but to gain the confidence she had lost. Focus your attention to your job, enjoy being free. But never jump into another relationship unless you're all healed and ready to love again. Look for someone who knows how to appreciate you. Don't settle for something less.

Closure: Why is it really important to have this even for past relationship?

Here's an explanation I found which I like most:

Why look back?
Chapman: If you move out of a relationship without resolving past relationship hurts, disappointments and failures, you may hamper your ability to be open, to trust, to engage or to be close and honest. The moment you get into another relationship, these issues tend to arise. In fact, most of the problems that people have in relationships come from "unfinished business" from prior relationships.

And another one, how to let go of exes without needing closure

My wish to this friend of mine is a fast healing process and a love that she is wishing to be hers forever.

P.S.

It feels good to be writing again! Glad that the inspiration struck me today and had the time to entertain this pleasure of writing.

Chasing Holidays

For anyone wondering about my new job, well it's no longer a new job :) Been with the same company for 10 months now. Adjustment period was over but the busy days are not, projects keeps on coming so my hands are all tied.

As of now, I'm aligning myself tight with the project schedule. Today, just got a few minutes to hover online hoping to find a pleasant destruction from all of the stress I'm keeping inside. Received a comment from ricademus. The line 'new job' just beat some writing words off my head.

Oh, new job. Not that I'm not happy about it but when you're draining all you could say is 'ugh'!

Anyway, I should be happy and refreshed today because I just got from a two-day vacation. But remembering those two days, those weren't actually relaxing. I'm looking forward to another holiday but the next holidays are still more than a month from now.

Blessings

A friend forwarded me a message that goes "If God increases our blessings, it's not meant to be a reward. It's a call to do greater things to others. We don't need to thank Him that we have much while others have little. We have to thank Him because He has chosen to bless us and in return, to be a blessing to others."

Just a quick realization... I have received blessings more than I had expected. But comes with it is a feeling of slight burden that whatever I have, I need to share and more often than not what is being left for me is nothing. The message that I just received helped me to realize the blessings I have received and yet to be received are not for my abundance or satisfaction. Today I realized, blessings are not the material things that you received but the happiness and fulfilled feeling of knowing you've done something greater that most of people cannot - to share.

I'm still here...

Hey guys! I know that you are really wondering why I'm not showing any hint of existence in the blog-sphere. Sorry guys but I have so much going on right now, work work and work with some life's problem here and there. Don't worry guys I'm still fine and can still keep up.

But sure I'm checking some of the blogs I'm following especially ricademus and weezer, reading a bit of your posts but unable to leave some comments.

Nothing much is going on with my life right now except that just recently our first nephew, my parent's first grandchild died :( I actually had drafted a post of our misery but decided against it. It will just bring bad memories each time I read it. I don't wanna prolong bad vibes.

Anyway, good luck to all of you guys! This is just a quick post, got to work. I've got to conduct knowledge transfer session today with the company's newly hired QA

Worst drivers

Taking a jeep everyday to my work is a mundane task. It is very seldom that I took a cab unless I was on a hurry to catch on an appointment or if I am not that familiar with the place. I could list reasons why I don't usually like taking a cab.

1. Taking a cab on a rush hour is like finding a needle in a haystack.

2. If you're lucky you will find one but the driver would usually say your way is out of he's way or that...

3. ...the driver will usually ask for a fixed amount and will refuse to have the taxi meter running.

4. Worst, you will find a sardonic and whining driver, with a bad temper and the only clear words you can hear are his curses and he will drop you somewhere far from your destination.

The last time I rode a cab, that was after the holy week, I was carrying a large travelling bag and taking a jeepney was not a good idea. When I told him of the address, I didn't get a nod of an agreement, he compelled me to get into a the cab and hurry. I told him again of the address, this time I was more specific. He said something in english, I wasn't able to catch up maybe because I still felt giddy from hours of travel and from my early engagement of a combat in the LRT station. So I just shrugged off what he said and kept silent. On our way to Dela Rose, of course it was a Monday after the long holiday, a morning at that and traffics are expected everywhere but this manong driver was complaining and slamming his hands on the steering wheel while muttering something like he was blaming me for being stuck in a traffic. The way he maneuvered the stick shift, it was as if he could pull it off . When I was approaching the street, I told him to turn right. He said: "there is no right turn in there, it's a one way you know." He's right of course, but the way he spoke it, he was like evoking an argument.

I told him in levelheaded manner "okay lang po manong, kung wala. Akala ko po kasi my right turn dyan dahil meron po mga vehicles na lumiliko dyan. Ok lang po, dito na lang ako sa tabi, wag na po tayo mag-argue" (It's just alright Manong, you can just drop me off here. It's just that I often see vehicles turning right. Let's not just argue.)

"I was just protecting my license you know. My license is very expensive.. blah blah blah".

I gave him my fare, he did not even handed me back my change. I was in silent but I was very upset. I did not say thank you and got out of the cab as fast as I could. The driver sarcastically yell "salamat" (thank you) and I answered it with a slam of the door.

It was my start of the week and will still be heading to office. I did not want to ruin my day by engaging in a heated argument. Slamming of the door was all I could do. But I was very upset my head felt like bursting! Blaming me for getting him stucked in a traffic, wt*@#!!

Speechless me!

I'm a person of many words, my posts can attest to it. But today I decided to just let the pictures speaks for itself, no detailed itinerary talks. See the pics and I know anyone can relate to the same profound emotions I've been feeling when I was there taking some of the shots below.

Have nice viewing everyone!!

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Who would not wish for a trip that includes a cruise in one of the famous floating restaurant in Loboc River? The food, fresh air, the country songs, smiling faces of Boholano not to mention the picturesque view of a place- so green, the water - so clear, the air - cold and fresh that you could utter a wish to just stay there for as long as you want!

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Busay Falls - a mini falls about one and a half meter at most. It marks the point where the floating restaurant cannot go any further. Shot taken by chinaeyes alexis.

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Loboc River @ the background




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The floating restaurant




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I had taken shots below while wandering alone along the shore of Balicasag Island

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As early as 5:30am we were already in the middle of the sea, eyes alert and always camera ready because at any moment, dolphins will be swimming by. There were around ten boats with tourists on board, and just like us, hoping to take a closer glimpse of these sweet, playful creatures. Every time dolphins came out of the surface, everyone was shouting in glee, fingers all pointing towards the direction of the swimming dolphins, all boats were racing towards it just at the same time that these playful creatures swam back to their hiding. The lines "ayun! ayun! ayun! wala na!" (translation: there! there! there! It's gone!), paired with an almost exasperated look, were famous.

I am just lucky enough to capture dolphin's dorsal fin in one of my shots. This is an achievement because no one in our group did! Can you spot a pair of dolphin?

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We had also dropped by the Butterfly farm. It is in this trip that I was able to differentiate the pupa of a moth from that of a butterfly. And that a lazy butterfly actually lives for 90 days but a butterfly who loves to fly and pollinates every flowers it passed by will only live for 21 days. A side information added: Butterflies lived a short life but their mating usually lasted from 3hours to 24 hours, non-stop! Some of my guy-colleagues even wish they have the stamina of a butterfly! (lol)

Pictures of a butterfly below taken by cj, the flowers shot by chinaeyes alexis

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Can you spot the Mayon Volcano? This is a shot taken by ram aboard Zest Air on our way to Bohol.

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Tierra Azul beach basking in a fresh Saturday sunshine. It's a perfect weather for dolphin watching! Pictures below taken by CJ (you're the wackiest dude!)

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A Bohol trip will not be an official Bohol Trip unless you have spotted a tarsier. Because the entire day of our first day were jam-packed of country-side tours, we stopped by the tarsier sanctuary at past 7pm. At my first glance, I thought it was a rat! I took a closer look and my gaze was met by an enormous eyes. They said a tarsier's eyeball is as big as their brain. I wasn't able to take a good shot because of low light. Flashes were strictly not allowed as these will stress this vulnerable creature. And when the tarsier is under stress, it tends to hurt itself. Suicidal! Thanks to the big boss who shared the good shots.

Life's uncanny twist

Life is composed of good and bad jokes. Jokes that are real, are happening and are meant to knock you down big time! Jokes that will mold you into who you will become as years go by.

It is the 'bad jokes' really that makes a life all worth living. Unpleasant jokes are the ones that leave marks into our being. When you happen to take a flash back at your earlier life, you would recall those but the recollection will just make you smile and wonder how in the world you were able to surpass those great trials.

I have a friend who happened to have her most unpleasant joke in her entire life so far and it took place yesterday. Her bad fortune yesterday might not be at its highest peak yet but this one really knocked her down. I can relate to her situation because I happened to be in her shoes a month ago when I had dealt with the possibility of my being an instant jobless.

She applied for this global company where all her abilities are put into test: her memory and adeptness, patience, health and her financial conditions as well. But she'd overcome it all except for the one thing that is beyond her control. Once she's in with the company, she will be sent abroad for a required training, for chartered accounting I guess. Thus, passport is one of the most important and a must requirement and she have not applied for one yet.

Passport application here in the Philippine is one of the greatest challenge for every Filipino. If you want to have your application submitted in a day, you'll have to wake up very early and line up your ass at DFA at a wee hour or to be specific, be there as early as 3AM so you could grab a slot. If you're late you'll end up standing at the line's tail 'til your foot sore and if you're not lucky enough, head home without being accommodate because DFA had already filled out their slots for the day.

Being ill, she decided against lining up herself waiting for her slot number to be called. She went to some agency, filed for an expedite passport application, agency promising her to have her passport in no less than 10days, paid 1300.00 or something closer to that amount and wait. The company she'd applied to on the other hand never did falter doing their follow ups of her passport. Now and then she'd received a call, a text, an email, a call again asking the status of her passport application and if there is already a feedback of its release date.

Today, March 8, 2010 is supposedly her first day at her new company. Yesterday, her luck went down. The company called and canceled her employment all because she could not provide her passport's release date. This, I thought, is a total zero consideration though I understand they have every right to turn down her employment. The agency gave no further details on the release date but just keep on assuring her they're working on it.

The release date is just what the company is asking. The agency was not able to provide it. DFA is transferring their office which will affect the processing of passport application. Being assured of the employment since she'd already signed a job offer sheet, she'd submitted her immediate resignation and already served her last day at her previous company last Friday thus making her today an instant jobless.

Wrong move? Or is it just the twist of fate? Conflicts entangled as if, if one conflict is solved, one is simply designed to be there to prevent her from getting the job she had so aspired. It seems like there is unseen reason to it all. Well, being an instant jobless does not mean an end of the world for her but putting up all her strength and hope to this 'job of her dreams' and having to exert all effort that it totally felt like she was fast-flying, broke her wings, somersault into the
air and 'splat!' suddenly hit the floor, helpless. I understood her bawling.

And to think of it all, the job is already an inch-away and she could already have it, its becoming positive that she could feel it and even I already had wish her luck for her new found job. Only the fate intervene as if everything that happened for the past two weeks of her application dilemma were all but a joke. A bad joke. A bad dream. The pleasing feeling of nearly-acquiring it returns a bitterly disappointment.

As we try to alleviate her grief (strong word but the only exact word I could think of to describe her bellowing), we could only think of something: a reason for it is yet to be understood. We'd tried to shift her focus on small positive things that happened like she'd already completed her requirements and applying for another job would mean less effort and time arranging for those papers not to mention she just got a call from a prestigious company considering her application.

We made funny comments just to lighten up the moods and somehow our unhappy chats drifted to a jovial conversation. We jokingly said we could share her our happy meals consisted of noodles, breads and oat meals. Then I told her, 'don't worry time will come that when you look back you'll find humor in this'. Adding up, 'sometimes bad thing leads to a breakthrough, you just never know.

Yes I'd said life is composed of bad and good jokes. But let me stress on this, life itself is not a joke for it is brought into purpose. Yes, the choices we made decide our fate which partially means we are basically in control of the things we would like to achieve. But ironically there is always this divine intervention that however we tried, there are things beyond our control making it impossible to reach that choice we so wanted.

The ten years are over

Once upon a time, when this girl was just 17, she’d outlined a plan of having her dreams achieved within the next ten years. The future ‘ten years’ were comprised of lucid but distant images forming within the confined of her head. A girl with an eagerness to make her life better and with sense, she’d focused her attention to continue her one track journey to a future that is still so unpredictable.

In her mind ran picturesque dreams of what she wanted her life to be. In her dreams, it was very easy to arrange everything according to plan without encountering complications, disputes, consequences of her every actions, troubles, and the antagonists – to whom she will be dealing with later on in her life.

Her pensive thoughts and her passion for life affected her disposition, her control to direct her life according to what she wanted and not to what her immediate kin dictated. Her personality, I may say, is both defined and authoritative – very classical which just made her more sturdy and determined.

One by one and slowly, the leaf of the ‘ten years’ were flipped open. The vivid dreams she had had were painted but on these pages the images were altered and lots of settings were added. The people she’d hope she’d be with were no where in sight. The happenings that she’d never dream of occurring come to pass. At some point, there were mishaps and her messing up of her life. It was never perfect. She took the wrong move. She trudged a wrong turn. She’d reacted to people in a wrong way, misjudged some instead of trusting them and trusted some when she should not have. The life that she intended to be differs from the one she’d drawn in her memory. But in totality, all of it was never frustrating. All of it comes down to a life’s lesson brought by experience in her years.

Sometimes, this girl has this yearning of coming back to that past to re-paint her dreams, alter some and restart again to efface all the unpleasant things that happened and to make right of all her mistakes. But no, this time she knows better. She is now aware of the truth that in reality, everything is far from perfect and each action results to a series of consequences. Consequences that may either be a major break through or a downfall. No matter how she would like to change the past, unpleasant things are always bound to happen. No matter how she wanted to have every thing in place, her decision, outlook in life and attitude will always affect the outcome. Not to mention that she also cherished all the memories of people she’d met unexpectedly and the lessons that came with her every wrong decision.

This post is dedicated for her 27th birthday. The age that she’d hoped all her dreams will be realized. Tomorrow will mark the end of the ‘ten year’ margin she’d set for herself to accomplish her goals. In some way she feels like celebrating because somehow her ten years had been fruitful. On the other hand, she is feeling a lump in her throat whenever a thought struck that the ten years had already ended.

... And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It is the life in your years that matters.

What a writer needs

This has been the longest time I was out of blogging - no new post and no blog-walking. I know some of you may wonder why I haven't got any updates on my blog. I so wanted to post a new entry but found no sensible topic to talk about. I've had my several moments when the inspiration struck but thoughts were just drowned by urgent matters at hand - workload and deadlines. And when I had the chance to sit and finally put thoughts into writing, my mind would go blank. I was only seeing white spaces. I was trying hard to look for words to describe my intent of writing but just like a blind man, I felt like I was groping in the dark.

There will always be days that a writer needs an inspiration from one musing to another. Sometimes, that inspiration comes from unlikeliest situation. My main source of reflections are people around me, my past and daily experiences and some reads from inspirational books. But when an inspiration is suppressed without me acting upon it immediately, it eventually dies down and so is my enthusiasm of writing sometimes comes with it.

The reason why I started blogging was not only because I wanted to enhance my skills in writing and improve my vocabulary. It is more of an exercise of clarifying my mind of negative thoughts, focusing on positivity of every situations while extracting viewpoints and new ideas from my every reflection.

Whenever I sit down to write, I always ask myself the purpose of my writing. If someone reads it, will they get insights from it? Will they learn something new from reading it? After reading, will they also have their own reflection? Whenever I post some rantings, I don't feel any ounce of achievements from writing down my raves. That's not the kind of composition I wanted to accomplish. I wish to be a creative writer who never run out of ideas.

This is me ranting and I have came up with this post because of my current inability to write down thoughtful topic. But I hope that you also find this one informative.

Embracing the change

Today marks my first two days with my new company. I again, as new hire, go through the usual but very helpful stuff called orientation. Introduction to the company’s history and background, to the different process involved in managing its people and business, to the different policies enforce for the benefits of both the company and its employees. One day is not enough to fully orient oneself. A day or two is insufficient to have myself adjusted to the change of the environment, people, process, technology and business.

My previous company has been my comfort zone for quiet a time. Now that I moved out, I feel like I stepped into a different world. Strange! The changes are very obvious.

Sometime yesterday, I told myself to just feel the change and go on with the flow of the environment, be familiar with it because the change will become a part of me eventually. I’m here. This was what I was aiming for; the moving forward; the growing up. Now, I will just have to explore the change, understand, embrace it, and move forward with it while having a positive perspective in mind. This change is for my benefit.

On the lighter side, I am so excited to blog about receiving the gift sent across the miles from Allison. Thanks for Mel hosting the online exchange gift last December. Honestly, I never planned of joining but as if there's someone who coerced me to immediately signed for this activity. Turns out to be fun! Charge to experience. What I got? Two pieces of fashion jewelries: earrings & bracelet, a cosmetic set, a corsage and a journal. I absolutely like the journal, perfect for writing down thoughts. And the color, purple - love it ! Thanks again Allison. The package actually arrived second week of January. But since I addressed it to province, I was only able to check on it this week. Here are the snapshots... opps! the pictures are to follow. I am updating my blog from an internet cafe (I guess this will be the case from now on until my budget allows me to buy my own laptop), seems their USB port is not working :(

I fall in love with Theo again

First of all, Theo is not my boyfriend and there is no intimate strings that attached us. Most importantly, he is not a guy.

Okay, Theo is the fur-headed, the plumpy, the naive "Theodore" of Alvin and the chipmunks. Yes, I've watched Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel movie. But I admit, I like the first one better. I like their dialogue, the story, the music, their songs. And I laughed harder in the first movie than this one.

I instantly fell in love with Theodore after watching the first movie. Why did I fall in love with him? Maybe because of his timid and yet thoughtful lines. Or maybe because of his chubby cheeks that I really would like to pinch. The scene where he is requesting to sleep with Dave really appeals me.

"I had a nightmare... can I sleep with you? You won't even know I'm here...." And the next morning, you see him sleeping in Dave's face covering his eyes! (lol)

Switch topic: Today is my last day at office. I am torn between what was and what could be. Monday, I will be taking a different route. Excited. Sad but definitely happy for the change.

Life has great options. You don't always have to pick what seems to be the best. Sometimes, the best and the perfect are not always what makes you happy. You may have chosen what seems to be a wrong decision or caught in a not so good situation but at times, it is through them that our lives become better! These lines best describe all the unpleasant things that happened for the previous days. All are blessing in disguise.

It's Positive!!!

Before end of yesterday, I received two phone calls. An invitation for an interview scheduled within next week. Guess what? Those phone calls came from two of the prestigious, multi-national company: Accenture and Lawson! But it wasn't the chance of exploring opportunities with them that delighted me yesterday. It was the hope that came with those calls. Yes, those two companies were the ones I was eyeing on my previous job applications. Myself was appeased thinking if these companies are considering me regardless of my course, then why not the company I was about to join this Monday? My hope was rekindled. At last, I won't end up bumming around for God knows how long.

Then the night came. Sleep was scarce. I felt the tension again. It seems the renewed hope I just had earlier was flickering. Morning came and I received a text message from my headhunter instructing me to check my mail. I was hoping for a positive feedback but I don't want to set my expectation to something that I know will just disappoint me so I was thinking the other way around. I was really feeling butterflies on my stomach while I was on my way to office. If I could only have wings on my heels then I, by all odds, flew over Ayala just to reach my desk, open my computer and check my yahoo mail.

I was really praying and God again this time expedite the answers. There in my monitor the lines read: "...that would be fine and no conflict on her end since she is qualified for that position based on her work experience..."

I was just so happy and just murmured a thank you to Him.

I'm scanning my memory for what happened these past few days. I remember those phone calls. I realize just when I was feeling dejected, God made something happen through other people. By receiving that phone call, it helped me to be able to see through dark clouds with revived hope and a disposition that no matter what the result is, there are still better options for me to choose from.

And really, when it rain it pours! Because after reading that mail, I received a message from an overseas friend telling me that she was able to purchase the book I was hoping to buy online. And she is going to ship it within 4 to 14 days. Can't wait! Thanks Ferly. I know you're not reading my blog but just the same, thank you again. That book will help me in my next career project - acquiring an ISEB certification, hopefully.

Now I am just looking forward to Monday, my first day to this new endeavor. I am glad everyone is wishing me luck. Their encouragement is already a strong shield for me against whatever challenges I might face with this new work.

New work, new challenges. Higher position comes with greater responsibilities. Greater responsibilities come with greater risks. So help me God :)

I am not a fraud

I am bigger than the problem. This is my way of thinking that's why all problems I've encountered from the very first time I stepped out of my comfort zone were considered minor and were easily solved. I guess, God had made my personality strong because He know I badly need it to take on responsibilities and to withstand any challenges that will come with these obligations.

However, there really came a point in our life when all our strengths are put into adversity: Patience, ability to decide wisely, health, discernment of things, believe in your family, hope and faith in God. I can say that now is the lowest point in my life (so far, because I know this one will not be the last one).

Our daily struggles consist of daily problems: financial problems, bills, food. Basically all about necessity. I can say that these problems are minor and really a part of our day to day living. Without these, I guess our life is useless. The essence of us working hard is nothing.

When our daily struggles is combine with a one step higher than our minor problem, then it is where the real problem materialize. Basic needs + family problems + jobless + financial problems + piles of bills + etc = BIG TIME problem.

What I'm trying to do here is to analyze where I am standing. All of those mentioned above were added to the bags of problems I am carrying right now.

Take one step at a time.

Live one day at a time.

Take your priorities.

If you have to ask me to mention one important thing in my life, it is my Family. The heap of difficulties I have now made me realized that. Because of all the pressing matters I have to attend to, it's the conflict with them that I did prioritize. Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday. Five days that my focus was on them. On my mother. I forgot my boyfriend. I forgot that I am on the brink of losing my career. I forgot my financial problem. I forgot everything! I told myself that I have to settle problems with my family first or else the rest will fail. This is how I realized I am really that dedicated to my family. And it's sad because I know now that I am willing to sacrifice everything for them. Even my own happiness. And I don't like anticipating for the day that it will happen. Because I know also that it will be the time when I will hate myself and will start hating them for obliging me.

Solve one problem at a time.

Monday, my family problems were solved. And I thank God for answering my fervent prayer request to enlighten the mind of everyone. One problem is down. I gain. A plus point to my strength. I am stronger. And it's an automatic switch to face the next bigger problem in line: my career.

I am a very honest person. Very open and I guess the conflict with my family rooted for this one positive and at the same negative strength of mine. This is the very first instance where my integrity was put into question or has been at stake. My jobstreet profile is incomplete but I have a document attached on my jobstreet account that I assume will be checked on. Someone from my headhunter called for an initial assessment sometime last year and I am pretty sure if she'd asked me about my course I will say it's a 2-year course ONLY. I could not help adding the word only since this is how everyone treats a lower rank , if compared to a higher rank. I always hear it one would say I worked as a janitor only if asked by an employee with a better job profile. I don't like the negativity the word ONLY conotes. But for the sake of comparing it to a degree course, then really a diploma course is nothing compared to a degree right?

So there, I applied for this job where one of the qualifications is "an applicant should possess a degree course in IT". Armed with confidence and years of experience in IT-related field, I took my chance despite that my educational background did not match the required educational attainment. I know this part here is a repetition of my post here. I was very thankful that I made it through their initial assessment, technical interview and final interview until finally a JO (job offer) has been signed.

Last week I submitted some of my pre-employment requirements, these include my diploma. There they have noted for the first time that my course is a 2-yr course which caused a record descripancy. They asked me for character references, contacts of my immediate supervisors from my current and previous companies.

On Tuesday, someone had come by my boarding house checking my background. I wasn't around so I'm glad that one of my boardmates was there to answer some questions. Questions were: years of stay, if I was able to pay the rent, how much is the rent, etc.

Yesterday afternoon, a guy called me doing again a background check. Some are details about my family, my mother and father and sibling's educational background, their personal information, my hobbies during free time, if I have a credit card, my activities in the province, etc.

I don't have problem with all those questions because I have nothing to hide. I am not a fraud! I even want them to check my mail (of course in my presence) especially the Sent folders where they can check all my previous sent job applications where my attached resume contains my true educational background. What I provided them are the truths and one thing that is really alarming it really bothers me is that where they got the information that I am a Bachelor's Degree in Computer Science/Information Technology graduate??? With all those questions, I feel like they are peeling my clothes, my skin until I'm bare. If I can only let them see my conscience, I will definitely try doing it. Just to prove them that I am intact and to restore my integrity that was stained because of this - what? a misunderstanding? a faulty assessment and documentation?

Am I a victim of a malicious hacking? Am I a victim of a faulty system? Is it my carelessness of submitting a faulty application form?

Just to clarify the latter, I re-check my jobstreet account and found out (warning: repetition ahead) that the Educational Background section is not completely accomplished. And I have attached a complete resume (in word doc) that any employer can refer to. And I have the confidence that they would request for an updated resume since in all my job applications, they do request for one.

Or are all these happen by a chance? to test me again?

All I can say is I am not a fraud.

I will take one step at a time. My other problems, they are not urgent. I will be facing it once this one is done.

I should not be here in the office in the first place. But I need to answer some urgent emails so I'm here :)

On my way here, I was analyzing my blog title In between breaks. I came up with this name because I was only able to blog during breaks. But then I realized that I am busy working during those in between breaks. I should have named my blog "in between work" or "in every break". Why this sudden thought? Nothing. I was just thinking of renaming my blog. Or perhaps I should just stick on it since it is the name known by my co-bloggers and since what I am blogging about are the things that happened to me in between my breaks (which of course are work-related, personal views and experiences). Whatever. I guess I have to gather my scattered thoughts first.

I wish everyone a 'happy blogging'. And for me? Wish me luck. And pray for me if you are willing :)

A Follow-up Update

This is a follow-up update of my previous post.

Yes, change brings challenges. And it's scary. You cannot just settle to an expectation of what is going to happen. Beyond of my first step is all unknown. It's a risk. And I think what I am doing now is the greatest risk that I have taken in my life so far. I'm afraid and I'm crossing my fingers. At the back of my mind is a little scared voice saying "you've done a wrong decision..."

Two year course.

More than 5 years of extensive experience.

Would the above combined qualifications weigh best than one with a 4-yr course of no or lesser experience?

There is a confusion of my recent job application. The qualification was at least an applicant should possess a degree in computer engineering or any related course. I applied anyway, thinking I've got an experience as a shield. I was thinking it will be up to my employer or headhunter to assess and if they will call me for an interview, it's a chance and I will definitely go for it. The end result. I was considered for the job. Already signed a job offer. Already prepared my pre-employment requirements. I submitted those pertinent papers today. After several hours, I got a call, a verification of my course - is it a degree or JUST a diploma? I said it's a diploma course. Why would I lie about my educational background in the first place?

All the while I thought they know. During interviews, they never asked for my updated resume. I guess they got my resume from Jobstreet, which unfortunately my profile is not completely accomplished. I asked them what will be the problem then. They said nothing, just verifying to settle the mismatch. What will happen next? Will they still consider me knowing my education did not meet the qualifications they've set? I don't know.... what I could do is pray and cross my fingers hoping for their consideration. I know they still have the prerogative to withdraw my contract even though it was already signed. But just in case, I believe my capability will have significant contributions to their company's goal.

The risks: I have few days left in my current company, I am as good as a resigned employee. If my contract is withdrawn, I would end up jobless - for the first time. This would jeopardize my other plans on finances, business and personal. Another scared voice said: "you should have not resigned, not yet." Ahh... what a domino-effect!

Change and Goodbye

Notice the What's New section on my side bar? It's been there for quiet some time now. And I'm glad that I was able to snatch a moment to give further details about what's really going on with me for the past more than a month of I will say a little bit of stuggles in decision-making, career plan and financial management. Did I say a bit? I guess I am just being modest.


If you happen to read my post about my career realization here and here, you will really understand what I've been through.

The last quarter of year 2009, I was hot in pursuing other better job opportunities. What really makes me want to get out of my current shell are probably the same reasons most of you have - growth, challenges and change. After almost four years of staying without an attempt for any job application, the job hunting seems like a new experience to me. It feels like I'm a fresh grad just starting to discover a career except that now I am capable of thinking and expressing myself in a clear and consistent manner plus the fact that I already have experience compared to the one just starting to establish a career.

My struggle was not really in finding the job but in selecting which job I should take on. Early December, I had to think over the two equally better job opportunity knocking at my door. The one offers the technical exposure that I've been wanting for my over five years of doing software testing. While the other offers something different. Though the context is still a software testing, it is more on networks and technical configuration of routers. Both offers growth, challenge and change. Both offer good compensation. However it is the latter that offers better benefits and this really add to my confusion. It was really the first one I was eyeing but when the second offer comes in, I had a change of heart.

What follows was a long sleepless night because I know I had to make a decision come morning. After some pondering moments, I gave up my first choice and opted for the second one. I never thought it would be that hard turning down an offer that is also good plus giving an explanation to a person who in the first place had given me a favor. It was really consuming my mind thinking of best words to say so I won't cause any offenses.

What was next will be my confrontation of myself, the reluctant feeling of leaving and moving on. On my outer self is a composed one, very firm in my decision to pursue career development and challenge. But my inner self is leaning into the emotional side. To think that my almost four long years of stay were spent in a company of people and were consisted of happy thoughts, bonding moments and fun and comfort. I am really at ease if not only for the demands of time and change, I will be glad to stay. I know I have worked with some of most amazing and excellent people; people whom I had a different perception; perception that I realized was wrong once I started working with them; realization that had changed me somehow, professionally better.

Now, I am reluctantly counting the days. I somehow dread my first day of starting on my new company. It's the fright of knowing I will be working with a different set of people whom I didn't know. I will again go through another adjustment phase and I am crossing my fingers my stay with them will also be as best and memorable as my stay with my current company.

To everyone that I have worked with, shared a laugh, sentiments and insights with. To everyone who believed in me. My deepest gratitude are yours.

P.S. I am also crossing my fingers that my new company is not strict in implementing their internet connection policy. I hope I can still continue my blogging in between breaks :)

New Year

January 01, 2010-12:00 a.m - when the dark skies were lighted and flashed with fireworks and the usual night silent were disturbed by the series of firecrackers rushing high into the night sky, I was at peace, by my room's window and by myself, just looking up. I had the tremendous feeling of awe and blissfulness for the things that happened to me within the past one year. I uttered a prayer while humbly holding my heart with a gratitude to God.

A perplex thought had me come up with this question: Why does New Year always comes with a feeling of re-starting your life when actually you'll just have to continue what was left of the previous year?

New Year.

Another journey ended and a new journey has to begin.

A new chapter of life.

A renewed hope.

A fresh start and best time to start anew: career, dreams, plans.

We always look forward to things that we want to accomplished and we hope for the best things to happen. But I think, New Year is not only a mere change of year for most of us. New year comes with a deeper meaning: Change. Change within ourselves.

While I was standing and looking upward, I was thinking, all those rejoicing are nothing but superficial if we don't internalize within ourselves the resolves that we need to have in order to live a more meaningful life ahead.

Best wishes to everyone for the year 2010!!!