Ambivalence

For every dream that's reborn, there's a dream that dies. For every hello you say, there's a sad goodbye. Sad but soooo true! Funny to think that what you've started, cared for in years, dreamed of fulfilling is fading slowly in front you. But what is so ironically humorous is that you have what it takes to control it, but you cannot just make it because you no longer feel it!

Relationship is the most complex aspect of human living. Your relationship could elevate you to new heights or could drag you down big time. But what if your relationship is pretty good? Should you stay? Should you commit yourself on that relationship for life? Or should you leave and look for something better? You may think that what you have is good enough and you would be a fool to abandon it in search of a new relationship you may never find. Or maybe you’re seriously holding yourself back from finding a truly fulfilling relationship that would serve you well the rest of your life. You cannot decide one way or another. Tough call! Just one of the superficial considerations on the things that I am contemplating right now. I thought that saying goodbye would be sooo easy but I was wrong.

On Breaking Up and Moving On

Why is that most of the guys I happened to encounter lately are, apology for my term but this I think would best describe them, -- chicken!

How would you call a guy who you've fallen in love with, whom you stayed in love with for years, whom you expect to go on loving for years to come, will just be gone like a bubble disappearing in thin air without any word leaving someone in a limbo

Coward!

I haven't been in the position of a woman being left behind but I can't help it but feel my friend's recent torment. A breakup, where two people agreed to set part ways can still be emotionally painful but when a relationship has come to an end without you knowing the reason behind why it happened, it can be distressing.

An advice to any guys out there who wanted so much to get out in a relationship but doesn't know how to do it, don't just leave your woman hanging. You are just hurting her more. Don't be so chicken that you just think and decide "it's alright, she can easily forget me". Knowing a woman, she'll keep on asking why and will not be fully appeased until she got an answer. Worst, she'll be afraid to re-establish another relationship. Have a courage to talk to her and say what you really mean to say. If it's breaking free with the relationship, let her be the first to know. And end it in person not thru emails, texts or phone calls. Have the decency to say it to her face.

For girls, surely you can move on. This is not the end of world for you yet. If a guy wants out he means it and for you wanting to go back into a relationship with this person likely won't change the fact that he does not want it anymore.

If a guy left you without a word of hint and you keep on thinking about why's and what ifs, then seek a formal closure. Don't be afraid to ask for a meeting and say your final goodbye. Remember that the purpose of your meeting is to end the relationship so don't hope and try to patch things up with him. When you're done, move on with your life. It is normal that at first you'll feel the pain each time you think of him and your days together. How to deal life when you're hurting? I always advice a friend to do some makeover but not for the purspose of winning back the guy but to gain the confidence she had lost. Focus your attention to your job, enjoy being free. But never jump into another relationship unless you're all healed and ready to love again. Look for someone who knows how to appreciate you. Don't settle for something less.

Closure: Why is it really important to have this even for past relationship?

Here's an explanation I found which I like most:

Why look back?
Chapman: If you move out of a relationship without resolving past relationship hurts, disappointments and failures, you may hamper your ability to be open, to trust, to engage or to be close and honest. The moment you get into another relationship, these issues tend to arise. In fact, most of the problems that people have in relationships come from "unfinished business" from prior relationships.

And another one, how to let go of exes without needing closure

My wish to this friend of mine is a fast healing process and a love that she is wishing to be hers forever.

P.S.

It feels good to be writing again! Glad that the inspiration struck me today and had the time to entertain this pleasure of writing.

Is your boyfriend your bestfriend?

This thought had just pop out in my mind after I have read a post that goes like this (a long list, and I only copy and paste here the point of my momentum, in other words my impulsive posting):

Your best friend: Boyfriend

An acquaintance of mine (I only met him once, so I couldn't say friend) told me or rather told everyone that never ever treated your boyfriend or girlfriend as best friend.

I also remember I have read somewhere in a magazine (Cosmopolitan, perhaps) the same thing.

If you have to asked me now who is my best friend, I will definitely answer my boyfriend is my best friend.

I guess the reasons why, as this acquaintance of mine and the magazine pointed out, are:

First, your relationship is at a higher level than that of a best friend. Treating your boy/girl as your best pal would lessen out the intimacy you would feel for each other.

Second, when you say best friend it means he/she knows you inside out, your secrets and everything. When it comes to a more intimate relationship, let the mystery effect lingers on. Always have this 'I wonder...' thing left in your girl/bf. This way you encourage your girl/boy to do extra effort of knowing more about you.

Third, you will feel very, very comfortable with each other to the point that boy may not do the extra effort of 'porma' or vice-versa (it do happen, believe me :) ).

Fourth, and the most important thing is: when you reach the point of breaking up, it would not be so hard on you moving on compared to when you're missing your talks with him, the hanging out and the realization that you're losing both your boyfriend and your best friend at once.

Those are just some thoughts. You may not agree to all these and whatever your opinion is you have reasons to cling on to that. Anyway, it is hard not treat your boyfriend as best friend especially if he's the only one you can share your problem to. But as long as the boyfriend thing is higher than the friendship thing then there will be no problem.

My sister's coming of age

I always considered that celebrating the coming of age is always special; should be exceptional. This is the time when a girl is officially considered a woman, not in experience, but in age. This is the official stage when a girl is no longer a child, can no longer be treated as a child.

8 years ago. I was the same vibrant, cheerful youth as my sister is. I was very excited to get a little bit older than 17. I thought that if I gain age, my whole world (the world of a 17 year old consisted of her family, friends and classmates, childhood sweetheart, foes, etc) will start to look upon me differently. And true to what I thought, my world started to change but not the way I want it to be. I was expecting that my family will give me a little bit more freedom than I usually enjoy; that my mother who is very strict (then) will finally allow me to entertain suitors, go on a date and have a boyfriend; that I could go home beyond 10p.m. without my mother raging because I'm late; that since I am officially an adult I could have my own decisions with whatever I want to do with my life; and most of all, they will stop treating me as a child and the usual pinching, occasional slapping and berating from my mother will cease. I was all wrong!

What changed? Lots of things changed. I had a curfew, I am not allowed to go out with 'barkada', I am not allowed to laugh out loud or giggle outside, in the middle of the street or whenever boys are around. Boring? Yes, but this is the life I was and still accustomed to. My younger life was spent on home cleaning, tending to my younger siblings, listening to music whole day, attending mass every Sunday, writing my journal to spill out everything, which is supposedly a secret. I told you, if you want to keep something from your family, never write it down on a diary. And studying... Despite all those strictness I don't have any resentment towards my mother because I know that with her disciplining method I've been molded to a better person that I am now.

My youngest sister had just celebrated her debut. She was the baby I look after whenever my mother was tending to other important family stuff. She was the cute girl crying whenever soap bubbles entered her eyes when I was giving her a bath. She was the small kid I was defending every time her playmates bullied her. She was the same little girl I hugged whenever she was scolded. She was my living barbie doll. I used to bring her to school and I stood, a very proud 'ate' whenever my classmates swarmed around her because she was a very sweet and adorable child. I smiled, ear to ear whenever my teacher said "ang cute naman ng sister mo" (your sister is so adorable). She was the baby of the family. Time passes by so fast that the once our baby is now all grown up, charming and beautiful. But she is still vulnerable.

Now I understand why my mother did not give me the freedom I was longing to have because of the same reason I am feeling right now towards my sister's turning point to adult life. I am afraid. I am afraid that she might do a wrong decision that would implicate her whole life. I am frightened because now, she will be more expose to harsh realities of life. And the very thing I am afraid of is seeing her fall in love with a wrong guy. I am afraid that I can no longer protect her and snatch her away from any troubles, failures and sadness she might encounter now that she has to emerge out of her comfort zone.

At her age, she already got so many suitors. And Lord knows how many fling relationship did she already have that were unknown to our mother. Once I asked about her recent 27-year old suitor. "Do you like him?" What I got was just a shrug of her shoulders combined with the words "ewan ko" (I don't know).

She could have directly said yes if she likes the guy or a simple no if not. But based on her reaction, she indirectly spelled out that she likes the guy. Plus, I can see that she is enjoying it. Being a protective sister that I am, I could not help but hope and pray she knows her boundaries and limitations and be strong enough to resists any temptations. I've been there, I've seen the curiosity in my young friends before and I know how younger people behave towards something they'd been longing to discover. I know that she too will feel it but I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she will use her head to think first before doing something she will regret for the rest of her life.

I know that each of us have our own time, our own way to discover things and our own intellect to approach things as they are. I could not tie her down and control her every decision. Trusting her and letting her discover things on her own will is also giving her every chance to know herself, to grow into a matured person, and to equip her with lessons that can only be learned from experience. There is something I can offer though, that is giving her valuable advice, guide her and be always there for her whenever she's down. She is no longer the child I used to defend. Even if she still is considered the baby of the family, I need to give her the freedom to fight her own battle. And the best advice that I could give is for her to take life one step at a time, never to hurry and savor every moment of it because she'll gonna miss this when she'd gain age.

As the song goes:

You're gonna miss this

You're gonna want this back

You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast

These are some good times

So take a good look around

You may not know it now

But you're gonna miss this...

God bless her.

50 things to live by (by Maui V. Reyes)

I've been going the ups and downs of life's bumpy ride and still got a little understanding of the true essence of life. When I happen to stumble upon few lines of quotes about life in general, that helps me understand a little about myself.

I've read some qoutable lines in an old article of Philippine Daily Inquirer and can't help but re-post it here. The ones in bold are the ones I like the most and of course those are the ones I can relate to.

LIFE

1. With regards to problems, always remember that when it rains, it pours. And sometimes, there can be even hailstorm -- even in the Philippines.

2. Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. Is it worth all the worrying?

3. There are no shortcuts to any place worth going to.

4. No matter where you go, there will always be bad drivers.

5. If someone compliments you, smile and accept it. Take a moment to remember all the people who helped make you worthy of the compliment.

6. Stop "sleeping on it [problems]." If it were a real problem, you wouldn't be able to sleep anyway.

7. The only permanent thing in life is change. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you'll be happy.

8. Stop worrying about "what-ifs." Things will happen if they're meant to happen.

9. Sunscreen was invented for a reasons.

10. Remember that it takes both rain and sunshine to make rainbows.

11. Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and the world suddenly remembers it has to be somewhere else.

12. Beer doesn't have the answer to problems. It only puts worries on hold.

13. You can't make people like you, and you can't please everyone.

14. Tequila is evil. It will always be evil, so don't expect that it will go easy on you next time.

15. Practice makes perfect, even if sometimes you hit several cars along the way.

16. The opposite of "love" is not "hate," but "not give a damn."

17. Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach -- and flunk those who can.

18. You can cry over spilled milk. Just be sure to clean up afterward.

CAREER

19. If at first you do succeed, try not to act surprised.

20. Always be friendly to the people you meet on your way to the top. You are going to meet them on your way down.

21. To make your dreams come true, you have to wake up first.

22. You are never a failure unless you blame someone else.

23. There are a lot of things taught in school that you think you won't need. And indeed, most of them, you really don't need.

24. The teacher you hate the most gives you the worst grades, doesn't credit you for your efforts, and can't be bought. He goes by the name "Experience."

RELATIONSHIP

25. Don't talk unless you can improve the silence.

26. There is a big difference between "like" and "love." Learn which is which.

27. Only you can really hear your heart breaking and your real friends are the one who hear its echo.

28. If you don't have anything nice to say about your neighbor, it's best to shut up, keep things to yourself, and walk away. Why destroy a person's image when you yourself have to work on yours?

29. Sometimes, it's best to keep your feelings to yourself.

30. Cry him/her a river. Then build a bridge and walk over it. You may have to repeat the "procedure" a couple of times before you can stop building bridges.

31. When someone says he/she likes you, he/she just might really mean it.

32. True friends will make fun of what you do but support you all the way. Acquaintances will praise your work, and then not give a damn.

33. It's no use hanging on to a relationship that is only in your head. Wake up and make it happen.

34. A true friend won't jump off a cliff with you. He'll be at the bottom to catch you.

35. If he can't see what an awesome and amazing person you are, move on... while secretly wishing that one day he will.

FAMILY

36. Parents give their children two things: roots and wings. Children give their parents two things: screaming fits and migraines.

37. Remember that someday, you, too, will be getting screaming fits and migraines. So try to reduce what you give your parents.

38. Always remember that your mom had one foot in the grave to bring you to this world. And your father had to bear with her mood swings for nine months.

39. Family isn't just about being related. It's about actually being there for each other through thick and thin.

40. If you want to keep something from your family, don't write it down in your diary. (definitely not write it down)

41. The perfect, normal family is the one that is dysfunctional with many skeletons in the closet.

42. If your mother tells you to brush your teeth before going to bed or your teeth will rot, she's telling the truth.

SELF

43. It's okay to cry and bawl your eyes out once in awhile.

44. Always have some alone time. Watch a movie by yourself, have a drink in a cafe or go shopping.

45. People have their own quirks. But unless they involve public nudity and self-mutilation, don't try to change them.

46. You don't have to wait until New Year's day to make a resolution.

47. Love and respect yourself. If you can't, how will others love and respect you?

48. There is no such thing as a "perfect" body. If there is, then Barbie dolls would have come in different shapes and sizes.

49. Forgive yourself for torturing yourself.

50. You are an awesome person. Don't change for anyone.