Roadblock

...is anything that renders you difficulties to make progress or achieve your goal. A barrier.

Why such statement?

Three years and 11 months with my current company and I am feeling this itch again - you can compare it to a seven-year-itch. I can feel the symptoms all around me - happiness declining, my drive to become better and to explore loosens. My thought is like wading towards new environment, new people, new application to play around, new things to learn.

Like the seven-year-itch, there is also a pattern I'm feeling here which I am so alert I already raised a red flag to warn myself "this is not sooo good!". I do procrastinate a lot!

For one thing, I've been putting some task to a later time when I am fully aware I can do it alright within my 'now'. Another thing is that I am losing my focus and I am easily distracted with little things like chatting, social networking, songs on youtubes, frequent little breaks -- not so evident but steals my time softly.

Going back to roadblock, I know I am facing one right now. And when I recognize a problem I am up for a solution. Before I go down to a pitfall and ending up demotivated, I might as well heed my self-warning flag. It won't hurt to do a little self-motivation.

And right when I need it most, I happened to drop by Powerbooks at Alabang, scanned thru racks and found this book 'Motivation' by Jeff Davidson, a 60 second solutions to why we do a lot of putting off, delaying or deferring an action to a later time.

Why do I need this book? Because I answered most of the questions on page #7!

- spending too much time on periphery tasks
- finding it difficult to get started on some tasks that I know to be important
- putting off tasks and starting it when there is really a need to

Laziness is a sure one way of procrastinating. And when we do this, it lowers our initiative.

Now, why do we tend to become lazy when things are not tough? Reasons.
- We are comfortable and confident that task is easy and you can do it in no time
- We fear of failure that's why you are only maintaining your status quo
- Allowing little distractions get in our way
- Demotivated

Whatever your reason is, in the end you will know procrastinating is such a bad habit. In the end, you will always comes down to two options: either you do it or you will not do it, either you succeed or you will fail. I learned it the hard way.

So why procrastinate? It is just a roadblock to your success.

On Breaking Up and Moving On

Why is that most of the guys I happened to encounter lately are, apology for my term but this I think would best describe them, -- chicken!

How would you call a guy who you've fallen in love with, whom you stayed in love with for years, whom you expect to go on loving for years to come, will just be gone like a bubble disappearing in thin air without any word leaving someone in a limbo

Coward!

I haven't been in the position of a woman being left behind but I can't help it but feel my friend's recent torment. A breakup, where two people agreed to set part ways can still be emotionally painful but when a relationship has come to an end without you knowing the reason behind why it happened, it can be distressing.

An advice to any guys out there who wanted so much to get out in a relationship but doesn't know how to do it, don't just leave your woman hanging. You are just hurting her more. Don't be so chicken that you just think and decide "it's alright, she can easily forget me". Knowing a woman, she'll keep on asking why and will not be fully appeased until she got an answer. Worst, she'll be afraid to re-establish another relationship. Have a courage to talk to her and say what you really mean to say. If it's breaking free with the relationship, let her be the first to know. And end it in person not thru emails, texts or phone calls. Have the decency to say it to her face.

For girls, surely you can move on. This is not the end of world for you yet. If a guy wants out he means it and for you wanting to go back into a relationship with this person likely won't change the fact that he does not want it anymore.

If a guy left you without a word of hint and you keep on thinking about why's and what ifs, then seek a formal closure. Don't be afraid to ask for a meeting and say your final goodbye. Remember that the purpose of your meeting is to end the relationship so don't hope and try to patch things up with him. When you're done, move on with your life. It is normal that at first you'll feel the pain each time you think of him and your days together. How to deal life when you're hurting? I always advice a friend to do some makeover but not for the purspose of winning back the guy but to gain the confidence she had lost. Focus your attention to your job, enjoy being free. But never jump into another relationship unless you're all healed and ready to love again. Look for someone who knows how to appreciate you. Don't settle for something less.

Closure: Why is it really important to have this even for past relationship?

Here's an explanation I found which I like most:

Why look back?
Chapman: If you move out of a relationship without resolving past relationship hurts, disappointments and failures, you may hamper your ability to be open, to trust, to engage or to be close and honest. The moment you get into another relationship, these issues tend to arise. In fact, most of the problems that people have in relationships come from "unfinished business" from prior relationships.

And another one, how to let go of exes without needing closure

My wish to this friend of mine is a fast healing process and a love that she is wishing to be hers forever.

P.S.

It feels good to be writing again! Glad that the inspiration struck me today and had the time to entertain this pleasure of writing.

Life's uncanny twist

Life is composed of good and bad jokes. Jokes that are real, are happening and are meant to knock you down big time! Jokes that will mold you into who you will become as years go by.

It is the 'bad jokes' really that makes a life all worth living. Unpleasant jokes are the ones that leave marks into our being. When you happen to take a flash back at your earlier life, you would recall those but the recollection will just make you smile and wonder how in the world you were able to surpass those great trials.

I have a friend who happened to have her most unpleasant joke in her entire life so far and it took place yesterday. Her bad fortune yesterday might not be at its highest peak yet but this one really knocked her down. I can relate to her situation because I happened to be in her shoes a month ago when I had dealt with the possibility of my being an instant jobless.

She applied for this global company where all her abilities are put into test: her memory and adeptness, patience, health and her financial conditions as well. But she'd overcome it all except for the one thing that is beyond her control. Once she's in with the company, she will be sent abroad for a required training, for chartered accounting I guess. Thus, passport is one of the most important and a must requirement and she have not applied for one yet.

Passport application here in the Philippine is one of the greatest challenge for every Filipino. If you want to have your application submitted in a day, you'll have to wake up very early and line up your ass at DFA at a wee hour or to be specific, be there as early as 3AM so you could grab a slot. If you're late you'll end up standing at the line's tail 'til your foot sore and if you're not lucky enough, head home without being accommodate because DFA had already filled out their slots for the day.

Being ill, she decided against lining up herself waiting for her slot number to be called. She went to some agency, filed for an expedite passport application, agency promising her to have her passport in no less than 10days, paid 1300.00 or something closer to that amount and wait. The company she'd applied to on the other hand never did falter doing their follow ups of her passport. Now and then she'd received a call, a text, an email, a call again asking the status of her passport application and if there is already a feedback of its release date.

Today, March 8, 2010 is supposedly her first day at her new company. Yesterday, her luck went down. The company called and canceled her employment all because she could not provide her passport's release date. This, I thought, is a total zero consideration though I understand they have every right to turn down her employment. The agency gave no further details on the release date but just keep on assuring her they're working on it.

The release date is just what the company is asking. The agency was not able to provide it. DFA is transferring their office which will affect the processing of passport application. Being assured of the employment since she'd already signed a job offer sheet, she'd submitted her immediate resignation and already served her last day at her previous company last Friday thus making her today an instant jobless.

Wrong move? Or is it just the twist of fate? Conflicts entangled as if, if one conflict is solved, one is simply designed to be there to prevent her from getting the job she had so aspired. It seems like there is unseen reason to it all. Well, being an instant jobless does not mean an end of the world for her but putting up all her strength and hope to this 'job of her dreams' and having to exert all effort that it totally felt like she was fast-flying, broke her wings, somersault into the
air and 'splat!' suddenly hit the floor, helpless. I understood her bawling.

And to think of it all, the job is already an inch-away and she could already have it, its becoming positive that she could feel it and even I already had wish her luck for her new found job. Only the fate intervene as if everything that happened for the past two weeks of her application dilemma were all but a joke. A bad joke. A bad dream. The pleasing feeling of nearly-acquiring it returns a bitterly disappointment.

As we try to alleviate her grief (strong word but the only exact word I could think of to describe her bellowing), we could only think of something: a reason for it is yet to be understood. We'd tried to shift her focus on small positive things that happened like she'd already completed her requirements and applying for another job would mean less effort and time arranging for those papers not to mention she just got a call from a prestigious company considering her application.

We made funny comments just to lighten up the moods and somehow our unhappy chats drifted to a jovial conversation. We jokingly said we could share her our happy meals consisted of noodles, breads and oat meals. Then I told her, 'don't worry time will come that when you look back you'll find humor in this'. Adding up, 'sometimes bad thing leads to a breakthrough, you just never know.

Yes I'd said life is composed of bad and good jokes. But let me stress on this, life itself is not a joke for it is brought into purpose. Yes, the choices we made decide our fate which partially means we are basically in control of the things we would like to achieve. But ironically there is always this divine intervention that however we tried, there are things beyond our control making it impossible to reach that choice we so wanted.

I am not a fraud

I am bigger than the problem. This is my way of thinking that's why all problems I've encountered from the very first time I stepped out of my comfort zone were considered minor and were easily solved. I guess, God had made my personality strong because He know I badly need it to take on responsibilities and to withstand any challenges that will come with these obligations.

However, there really came a point in our life when all our strengths are put into adversity: Patience, ability to decide wisely, health, discernment of things, believe in your family, hope and faith in God. I can say that now is the lowest point in my life (so far, because I know this one will not be the last one).

Our daily struggles consist of daily problems: financial problems, bills, food. Basically all about necessity. I can say that these problems are minor and really a part of our day to day living. Without these, I guess our life is useless. The essence of us working hard is nothing.

When our daily struggles is combine with a one step higher than our minor problem, then it is where the real problem materialize. Basic needs + family problems + jobless + financial problems + piles of bills + etc = BIG TIME problem.

What I'm trying to do here is to analyze where I am standing. All of those mentioned above were added to the bags of problems I am carrying right now.

Take one step at a time.

Live one day at a time.

Take your priorities.

If you have to ask me to mention one important thing in my life, it is my Family. The heap of difficulties I have now made me realized that. Because of all the pressing matters I have to attend to, it's the conflict with them that I did prioritize. Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday. Five days that my focus was on them. On my mother. I forgot my boyfriend. I forgot that I am on the brink of losing my career. I forgot my financial problem. I forgot everything! I told myself that I have to settle problems with my family first or else the rest will fail. This is how I realized I am really that dedicated to my family. And it's sad because I know now that I am willing to sacrifice everything for them. Even my own happiness. And I don't like anticipating for the day that it will happen. Because I know also that it will be the time when I will hate myself and will start hating them for obliging me.

Solve one problem at a time.

Monday, my family problems were solved. And I thank God for answering my fervent prayer request to enlighten the mind of everyone. One problem is down. I gain. A plus point to my strength. I am stronger. And it's an automatic switch to face the next bigger problem in line: my career.

I am a very honest person. Very open and I guess the conflict with my family rooted for this one positive and at the same negative strength of mine. This is the very first instance where my integrity was put into question or has been at stake. My jobstreet profile is incomplete but I have a document attached on my jobstreet account that I assume will be checked on. Someone from my headhunter called for an initial assessment sometime last year and I am pretty sure if she'd asked me about my course I will say it's a 2-year course ONLY. I could not help adding the word only since this is how everyone treats a lower rank , if compared to a higher rank. I always hear it one would say I worked as a janitor only if asked by an employee with a better job profile. I don't like the negativity the word ONLY conotes. But for the sake of comparing it to a degree course, then really a diploma course is nothing compared to a degree right?

So there, I applied for this job where one of the qualifications is "an applicant should possess a degree course in IT". Armed with confidence and years of experience in IT-related field, I took my chance despite that my educational background did not match the required educational attainment. I know this part here is a repetition of my post here. I was very thankful that I made it through their initial assessment, technical interview and final interview until finally a JO (job offer) has been signed.

Last week I submitted some of my pre-employment requirements, these include my diploma. There they have noted for the first time that my course is a 2-yr course which caused a record descripancy. They asked me for character references, contacts of my immediate supervisors from my current and previous companies.

On Tuesday, someone had come by my boarding house checking my background. I wasn't around so I'm glad that one of my boardmates was there to answer some questions. Questions were: years of stay, if I was able to pay the rent, how much is the rent, etc.

Yesterday afternoon, a guy called me doing again a background check. Some are details about my family, my mother and father and sibling's educational background, their personal information, my hobbies during free time, if I have a credit card, my activities in the province, etc.

I don't have problem with all those questions because I have nothing to hide. I am not a fraud! I even want them to check my mail (of course in my presence) especially the Sent folders where they can check all my previous sent job applications where my attached resume contains my true educational background. What I provided them are the truths and one thing that is really alarming it really bothers me is that where they got the information that I am a Bachelor's Degree in Computer Science/Information Technology graduate??? With all those questions, I feel like they are peeling my clothes, my skin until I'm bare. If I can only let them see my conscience, I will definitely try doing it. Just to prove them that I am intact and to restore my integrity that was stained because of this - what? a misunderstanding? a faulty assessment and documentation?

Am I a victim of a malicious hacking? Am I a victim of a faulty system? Is it my carelessness of submitting a faulty application form?

Just to clarify the latter, I re-check my jobstreet account and found out (warning: repetition ahead) that the Educational Background section is not completely accomplished. And I have attached a complete resume (in word doc) that any employer can refer to. And I have the confidence that they would request for an updated resume since in all my job applications, they do request for one.

Or are all these happen by a chance? to test me again?

All I can say is I am not a fraud.

I will take one step at a time. My other problems, they are not urgent. I will be facing it once this one is done.

I should not be here in the office in the first place. But I need to answer some urgent emails so I'm here :)

On my way here, I was analyzing my blog title In between breaks. I came up with this name because I was only able to blog during breaks. But then I realized that I am busy working during those in between breaks. I should have named my blog "in between work" or "in every break". Why this sudden thought? Nothing. I was just thinking of renaming my blog. Or perhaps I should just stick on it since it is the name known by my co-bloggers and since what I am blogging about are the things that happened to me in between my breaks (which of course are work-related, personal views and experiences). Whatever. I guess I have to gather my scattered thoughts first.

I wish everyone a 'happy blogging'. And for me? Wish me luck. And pray for me if you are willing :)

Eclipse

This is a long over due post, I should have posted it 6 days ago but because I was in the province for that long weekend, I don't have the access to the internet. For the time being, the internet connection in our place is limited to the new settlers. As you may know, we've just moved in our new house last June 2009. Hopefully by January of next year, we can have the internet connection.

Anyway, have you already witnessed or experienced an astronomical phenomenon called the solar eclipse? I did at the young age of 8 back when we were still living in Leyte. Yes I know the latest solar eclipse just happened recently (July 22, 2009). But I was not aware there was an eclipse happening that time. I remember the first time I had witnessed the solar eclipse. We were at our school. The eclipse was expected at noon, when the sun is at its very highest. I've heard myths that while the earth is partially covered in darkness, lots of evil spirits are roaming around, rejoicing. I've heard elders reminding young ones not to look at the sun directly while the eclipse is happening if we don't want to our sight. To protect our eyes, we were advised to use sunglasses or an x-ray film. Our teacher then, Sir Gaddi (*may his soul rest in peace*), put a large basin half-filled with clean water in the middle of the school's playground. The water mirrored the heavenly phenomenal that produces the excited yells of every innocent students. He shouted to every student who dare move the basin or stir the water or unintentionally covered everyone's view because it spoiled the moment of witnessing the rare 'moon covering the sun' event. It is somewhat fantastic to watch. When the full solar covering happened, the light coming from the sun rays had dimmed. It was mid-day but it feels like a very late afternoon. Later did I know that some part of the Philippines (like in Pampanga) had experienced a total darkness.

Eclipse is a natural phenomenon which produces darkness in areas where the sun rays are covered by the moon's umbra. It lasts in a matter of minutes and seconds. It's not permanent and I could not help but compare it to what we are experiencing in our lives. We have our own several eclipses - those are the episodes in our life when feel lost and dispirited because of overwhelming difficulties, issues and uncontrollable circumstances that confront us in our day to day lives. But just like the eclipse, it is not lasting. When there is darkness, there is light. For every problem, there is a solution. It's only a matter of perspective: either you choose to be responsible to do something with the problem or you just ignore it and be confronted with a much bigger problem later.

Problem is a part of the natural cycle in our life. Do not expect that the problem you resolved today is the last problem you will be facing in the your entire life. What you can do? Two things: Prepare and Pray.

Prepare

1. yourself to be strong

2. for things that can eventually help you (like savings, most of the life problems can be resolved financially)

3. spiritually and

PRAY for God's guidance and help to strengthen you in your course.

For a little perspective, I would like to leave you this inspirational quote from Mary Kay Ash:

For every failure, there's an alternative course of action. You just have to find it. When you come to a roadblock, take a detour.

Think and think well

How do you look at life?

Do you see a solution in every challenge or a problem in every circumstance?

Are you hopeful? Do you always see the glass half-full? Or are you seeing it half-empty?

Are you sad because there are thorns in the roses or are you rejoicing because roses have thorns?

The questions above may not have a direct relation to my post below but whatever answers, yours and mine, to these questions are just to prove people have different perspective in life.

Each have their own way of seeing every circumstances, of percieving every single things, of regarding situations and topics. The appearance of things to one person is not the same appearance as viewed by another. All of these affects our judgment.

It is not evitable having few heated arguments arising from every topic - with sense or senseless. People are prone to be subjective in judgment.

Subjective judgment. Rearranging prejudices based on the individual's emotional view and preconceived ideas.

I don't usually give my two-cents and I don't usually contest my side of the argument but when I do, it's done impulsively. People tend to blurt and I'm one of those, the worst sometimes, it is in a wrong tone. And when I do, I could just mumble to myself, "Oh girl I wish you'd just shut up!"

But whatever I think is my standing. I could not force someone to believe in what I believe just as someone could not force me to do the same. However, I always have a space in my mind for the consideration, weighing the pros and cons of someone's argument.

This is my rule of thumb: Think before you say it. But when you do say it and it's too late to hold back the words, think again before you get yourself fuming over the retaliations you've received.

This applies to me and I'm getting myself working on it. And I think this applies to everyone too.

Twilight and New Moon: A healthy movie?

Speaking of heroes in my previous post, my writing momentum was suddenly diverted to the current hullabaloo that started just this Friday. November 20 marks the premiere of New Moon, the second sequel to the Twilight movie released last year, which in the same manner as the first sequel, had caused a stirring in the crowds consisted of teens and tweens and the young at heart.

I remembered having said that I am not to drool over this movie simply because I am not a fan of dark romance. But the curiosity forced me to read the book and ironic is I have survived reading the four books despite having known the story is centered to Bella's pathetic side. I must confessed, I was entertained. No, I guess entertained is an understatement. Captivated is the right choice of word. I guess it was the fantasy that lures me, the swooning and delight to the two beautiful teenage guys staged as perfect by the author. I'm ashamed to admit but I think I'm not yet over with this ridiculous teenage emotion that I so believe I once had.

As I've said, I'm a fan too but not to the nth level of bringing myself sandwiched in between people, rushing so I could get the best seat to view, squealing and still mooning around after having to watch the movie three times.

But let me strip the beautiful characters the movie creates and let me give it a fair judgment.

What does this movie entails? How healthy is it for our young minds to view this movie?

For the good life I had past me, I've watched a fairly bunch of good and bad movies. And believe me, when I was younger, there's always this tendency to internalize the things I've watched. Twilight and New Moon and its sequel are all about fantasy of forbidden love, of a very romantic relationship, and some with violence. It is so enticing for a young mind these days especially those in a relationship that they would try applying it to their personal life which is why it makes this movie unhealthy to the young viewers. Always, a guidance of a parents is required.

I have read somewhere in the net and I would like to share it with every adults out there, every parents reading this post and every young minds the true message that is well-hidden in every heart-warming and heartbreaking scenes of Twilight and New Moon, which are being explained here.

Whenever we are watching movies, let us not just focus on its superficial. Let us draw our attention to the underlying meaning of what we're watching because psychologically we are affected. What we watched influences our behavior, it may not be obvious to yourself but its evidence is manifested on how our youths are reacting these modern days.

Anyway, I'm planning to watch New Moon only after its sensation die down. I don't want to squeeze myself to a movie house packed of people. Again, curiousity drives me about this New Moon. Let's see if this sequel would thrill me as the first sequel did.

Stay or Quit? It's your choice!

My day is done, for now. For a while, I thought I am out in a snow-packed space (although I don't seem to feel the coolness, lagi naka-warmer ang aircon namin) because everywhere I glance, everything that my sight touches is white. It might due to the fact that I've been burrying my nose over this assigned task, so engrossed I did not notice I am nearly kissing my computer screen. For the whole day I was only seeing the one screen in my computer - RoboHelp - with its wide white space (the editor screen) and with few images. While hearing

the irregular sound of my keyboard (tick tack, tickitack....) and due to my eye's mistiness, I thought the images were already floating.

It's been month since my IS (immediate supervisor) told me that in addition to my team's QA related tasks, technical documentation will now fall under our responsibility. Oh my goodness! That was not a good news after all. My team obviously took the news with a heavy heart.

How are we going to accomplish and deliver a task where we do not have the fundamental knowledge? Imagine, an entirely different group of people is obliged to work on something urgent, a work that is usually handled by a different person equipped with the right skill set.

Why not come to your IS and discuss the matter at hand? Oh yes we did. And there the problem started. Because we do not have any choice but to accept the responsibility. As my IS said, you cannot say you're not going to do it because that cannot be. Which means whatever the explanations we have as to why we could not readily accept the additional job responsibility will be useless.

We're not fa... zip mouth
We don't... zip mouth
What... zip mouth

Being still an employee, if you found yourself in this kind of situation - there are only two things you could do: it's either you accept the job, treat it as a challenge or you quit, write your resignation letter and fly out.

Initially, I took it as a threat to my capability. And knowing it is somewhat not align to the career path I want to trudge, I took it as a negative blow. My mind suddenly process the inevitable and the what if's.

But I know I need to make a choice so I opted to accept it. I chose to accept it as a challenge. The fact that it threatens my aptitude, it is a challenge.

I stay. And so did my other team mates.

So there... I called my team for a meeting, we splitted out the tasks, talked about the deadlines and the best possible approaches we could used for the situation.

The documenting of online help was assigned to me. It's in HTML format so in order to accomplish the task, I have to use the RoboHelp and apparently I do not have any previous orientation with this tool which means I do not have any slightest idea how to use this tool. One of the bosses said it's like you're just using MS Word. That's a good news. True to what he said, its basic feature is like MS Word but totally different if we talk about the advanced features.

I started with the tutorials and with the basic steps of documentation. With continuous exploration, research, learning its navigation and reading RoboHelp related topics, I was able to move forward with the task. I had observed my progress overtime. I am learning it. And I marked the date today (October 29, 2009). After weeks of not knowing how to start, of being blinded on what could be the best approach, I am close to finishing the online help. A great accomplishment! Somebody ought to congratulate me!!! (shout).

I posted this not because I want to brag about my accomplishments but because I want to point out several important things:

1. First, you have to strongly consider why you were asked to do the things outside of your job scope. It could be because your employer has confident in your capability.

2. The more you try doing the work even if it is out of your job scope, the more you see the positive in it. Yes, that could be a chance for you to increase your knowledge base, improve your skill sets and expand your work experience.

3. This might be an opportunity for you to play a larger role at the company that could lead to a promotion or salary increase (particulary if the economy is doing good).

So take the ego out, take the whining out. If you believe you could not deliver something, then talk to your boss, laid out your problems, ask for guidance but still look at it with a positive view. Believe me it would lessen (if not sieze) the feeling of being obliged to do something. Also, never lose the enthusiasm to learn something new - this will be your motivation to get the job done.

Know what, I suddenly found a reason to rekindle my enjoyment of staying here. I am sure that if I leave my current company someday, it is definitely not because of this new assignment.

Here is a motivating thought from Harry S. Truman:

I found that the men and women who got to the top were those who did the jobs they had in hand, with everything they had of energy and enthusiasm and hard work.

Is your boyfriend your bestfriend?

This thought had just pop out in my mind after I have read a post that goes like this (a long list, and I only copy and paste here the point of my momentum, in other words my impulsive posting):

Your best friend: Boyfriend

An acquaintance of mine (I only met him once, so I couldn't say friend) told me or rather told everyone that never ever treated your boyfriend or girlfriend as best friend.

I also remember I have read somewhere in a magazine (Cosmopolitan, perhaps) the same thing.

If you have to asked me now who is my best friend, I will definitely answer my boyfriend is my best friend.

I guess the reasons why, as this acquaintance of mine and the magazine pointed out, are:

First, your relationship is at a higher level than that of a best friend. Treating your boy/girl as your best pal would lessen out the intimacy you would feel for each other.

Second, when you say best friend it means he/she knows you inside out, your secrets and everything. When it comes to a more intimate relationship, let the mystery effect lingers on. Always have this 'I wonder...' thing left in your girl/bf. This way you encourage your girl/boy to do extra effort of knowing more about you.

Third, you will feel very, very comfortable with each other to the point that boy may not do the extra effort of 'porma' or vice-versa (it do happen, believe me :) ).

Fourth, and the most important thing is: when you reach the point of breaking up, it would not be so hard on you moving on compared to when you're missing your talks with him, the hanging out and the realization that you're losing both your boyfriend and your best friend at once.

Those are just some thoughts. You may not agree to all these and whatever your opinion is you have reasons to cling on to that. Anyway, it is hard not treat your boyfriend as best friend especially if he's the only one you can share your problem to. But as long as the boyfriend thing is higher than the friendship thing then there will be no problem.

My sister's coming of age

I always considered that celebrating the coming of age is always special; should be exceptional. This is the time when a girl is officially considered a woman, not in experience, but in age. This is the official stage when a girl is no longer a child, can no longer be treated as a child.

8 years ago. I was the same vibrant, cheerful youth as my sister is. I was very excited to get a little bit older than 17. I thought that if I gain age, my whole world (the world of a 17 year old consisted of her family, friends and classmates, childhood sweetheart, foes, etc) will start to look upon me differently. And true to what I thought, my world started to change but not the way I want it to be. I was expecting that my family will give me a little bit more freedom than I usually enjoy; that my mother who is very strict (then) will finally allow me to entertain suitors, go on a date and have a boyfriend; that I could go home beyond 10p.m. without my mother raging because I'm late; that since I am officially an adult I could have my own decisions with whatever I want to do with my life; and most of all, they will stop treating me as a child and the usual pinching, occasional slapping and berating from my mother will cease. I was all wrong!

What changed? Lots of things changed. I had a curfew, I am not allowed to go out with 'barkada', I am not allowed to laugh out loud or giggle outside, in the middle of the street or whenever boys are around. Boring? Yes, but this is the life I was and still accustomed to. My younger life was spent on home cleaning, tending to my younger siblings, listening to music whole day, attending mass every Sunday, writing my journal to spill out everything, which is supposedly a secret. I told you, if you want to keep something from your family, never write it down on a diary. And studying... Despite all those strictness I don't have any resentment towards my mother because I know that with her disciplining method I've been molded to a better person that I am now.

My youngest sister had just celebrated her debut. She was the baby I look after whenever my mother was tending to other important family stuff. She was the cute girl crying whenever soap bubbles entered her eyes when I was giving her a bath. She was the small kid I was defending every time her playmates bullied her. She was the same little girl I hugged whenever she was scolded. She was my living barbie doll. I used to bring her to school and I stood, a very proud 'ate' whenever my classmates swarmed around her because she was a very sweet and adorable child. I smiled, ear to ear whenever my teacher said "ang cute naman ng sister mo" (your sister is so adorable). She was the baby of the family. Time passes by so fast that the once our baby is now all grown up, charming and beautiful. But she is still vulnerable.

Now I understand why my mother did not give me the freedom I was longing to have because of the same reason I am feeling right now towards my sister's turning point to adult life. I am afraid. I am afraid that she might do a wrong decision that would implicate her whole life. I am frightened because now, she will be more expose to harsh realities of life. And the very thing I am afraid of is seeing her fall in love with a wrong guy. I am afraid that I can no longer protect her and snatch her away from any troubles, failures and sadness she might encounter now that she has to emerge out of her comfort zone.

At her age, she already got so many suitors. And Lord knows how many fling relationship did she already have that were unknown to our mother. Once I asked about her recent 27-year old suitor. "Do you like him?" What I got was just a shrug of her shoulders combined with the words "ewan ko" (I don't know).

She could have directly said yes if she likes the guy or a simple no if not. But based on her reaction, she indirectly spelled out that she likes the guy. Plus, I can see that she is enjoying it. Being a protective sister that I am, I could not help but hope and pray she knows her boundaries and limitations and be strong enough to resists any temptations. I've been there, I've seen the curiosity in my young friends before and I know how younger people behave towards something they'd been longing to discover. I know that she too will feel it but I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she will use her head to think first before doing something she will regret for the rest of her life.

I know that each of us have our own time, our own way to discover things and our own intellect to approach things as they are. I could not tie her down and control her every decision. Trusting her and letting her discover things on her own will is also giving her every chance to know herself, to grow into a matured person, and to equip her with lessons that can only be learned from experience. There is something I can offer though, that is giving her valuable advice, guide her and be always there for her whenever she's down. She is no longer the child I used to defend. Even if she still is considered the baby of the family, I need to give her the freedom to fight her own battle. And the best advice that I could give is for her to take life one step at a time, never to hurry and savor every moment of it because she'll gonna miss this when she'd gain age.

As the song goes:

You're gonna miss this

You're gonna want this back

You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast

These are some good times

So take a good look around

You may not know it now

But you're gonna miss this...

God bless her.

50 things to live by (by Maui V. Reyes)

I've been going the ups and downs of life's bumpy ride and still got a little understanding of the true essence of life. When I happen to stumble upon few lines of quotes about life in general, that helps me understand a little about myself.

I've read some qoutable lines in an old article of Philippine Daily Inquirer and can't help but re-post it here. The ones in bold are the ones I like the most and of course those are the ones I can relate to.

LIFE

1. With regards to problems, always remember that when it rains, it pours. And sometimes, there can be even hailstorm -- even in the Philippines.

2. Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. Is it worth all the worrying?

3. There are no shortcuts to any place worth going to.

4. No matter where you go, there will always be bad drivers.

5. If someone compliments you, smile and accept it. Take a moment to remember all the people who helped make you worthy of the compliment.

6. Stop "sleeping on it [problems]." If it were a real problem, you wouldn't be able to sleep anyway.

7. The only permanent thing in life is change. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you'll be happy.

8. Stop worrying about "what-ifs." Things will happen if they're meant to happen.

9. Sunscreen was invented for a reasons.

10. Remember that it takes both rain and sunshine to make rainbows.

11. Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and the world suddenly remembers it has to be somewhere else.

12. Beer doesn't have the answer to problems. It only puts worries on hold.

13. You can't make people like you, and you can't please everyone.

14. Tequila is evil. It will always be evil, so don't expect that it will go easy on you next time.

15. Practice makes perfect, even if sometimes you hit several cars along the way.

16. The opposite of "love" is not "hate," but "not give a damn."

17. Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach -- and flunk those who can.

18. You can cry over spilled milk. Just be sure to clean up afterward.

CAREER

19. If at first you do succeed, try not to act surprised.

20. Always be friendly to the people you meet on your way to the top. You are going to meet them on your way down.

21. To make your dreams come true, you have to wake up first.

22. You are never a failure unless you blame someone else.

23. There are a lot of things taught in school that you think you won't need. And indeed, most of them, you really don't need.

24. The teacher you hate the most gives you the worst grades, doesn't credit you for your efforts, and can't be bought. He goes by the name "Experience."

RELATIONSHIP

25. Don't talk unless you can improve the silence.

26. There is a big difference between "like" and "love." Learn which is which.

27. Only you can really hear your heart breaking and your real friends are the one who hear its echo.

28. If you don't have anything nice to say about your neighbor, it's best to shut up, keep things to yourself, and walk away. Why destroy a person's image when you yourself have to work on yours?

29. Sometimes, it's best to keep your feelings to yourself.

30. Cry him/her a river. Then build a bridge and walk over it. You may have to repeat the "procedure" a couple of times before you can stop building bridges.

31. When someone says he/she likes you, he/she just might really mean it.

32. True friends will make fun of what you do but support you all the way. Acquaintances will praise your work, and then not give a damn.

33. It's no use hanging on to a relationship that is only in your head. Wake up and make it happen.

34. A true friend won't jump off a cliff with you. He'll be at the bottom to catch you.

35. If he can't see what an awesome and amazing person you are, move on... while secretly wishing that one day he will.

FAMILY

36. Parents give their children two things: roots and wings. Children give their parents two things: screaming fits and migraines.

37. Remember that someday, you, too, will be getting screaming fits and migraines. So try to reduce what you give your parents.

38. Always remember that your mom had one foot in the grave to bring you to this world. And your father had to bear with her mood swings for nine months.

39. Family isn't just about being related. It's about actually being there for each other through thick and thin.

40. If you want to keep something from your family, don't write it down in your diary. (definitely not write it down)

41. The perfect, normal family is the one that is dysfunctional with many skeletons in the closet.

42. If your mother tells you to brush your teeth before going to bed or your teeth will rot, she's telling the truth.

SELF

43. It's okay to cry and bawl your eyes out once in awhile.

44. Always have some alone time. Watch a movie by yourself, have a drink in a cafe or go shopping.

45. People have their own quirks. But unless they involve public nudity and self-mutilation, don't try to change them.

46. You don't have to wait until New Year's day to make a resolution.

47. Love and respect yourself. If you can't, how will others love and respect you?

48. There is no such thing as a "perfect" body. If there is, then Barbie dolls would have come in different shapes and sizes.

49. Forgive yourself for torturing yourself.

50. You are an awesome person. Don't change for anyone.