I am not a fraud

I am bigger than the problem. This is my way of thinking that's why all problems I've encountered from the very first time I stepped out of my comfort zone were considered minor and were easily solved. I guess, God had made my personality strong because He know I badly need it to take on responsibilities and to withstand any challenges that will come with these obligations.

However, there really came a point in our life when all our strengths are put into adversity: Patience, ability to decide wisely, health, discernment of things, believe in your family, hope and faith in God. I can say that now is the lowest point in my life (so far, because I know this one will not be the last one).

Our daily struggles consist of daily problems: financial problems, bills, food. Basically all about necessity. I can say that these problems are minor and really a part of our day to day living. Without these, I guess our life is useless. The essence of us working hard is nothing.

When our daily struggles is combine with a one step higher than our minor problem, then it is where the real problem materialize. Basic needs + family problems + jobless + financial problems + piles of bills + etc = BIG TIME problem.

What I'm trying to do here is to analyze where I am standing. All of those mentioned above were added to the bags of problems I am carrying right now.

Take one step at a time.

Live one day at a time.

Take your priorities.

If you have to ask me to mention one important thing in my life, it is my Family. The heap of difficulties I have now made me realized that. Because of all the pressing matters I have to attend to, it's the conflict with them that I did prioritize. Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday. Five days that my focus was on them. On my mother. I forgot my boyfriend. I forgot that I am on the brink of losing my career. I forgot my financial problem. I forgot everything! I told myself that I have to settle problems with my family first or else the rest will fail. This is how I realized I am really that dedicated to my family. And it's sad because I know now that I am willing to sacrifice everything for them. Even my own happiness. And I don't like anticipating for the day that it will happen. Because I know also that it will be the time when I will hate myself and will start hating them for obliging me.

Solve one problem at a time.

Monday, my family problems were solved. And I thank God for answering my fervent prayer request to enlighten the mind of everyone. One problem is down. I gain. A plus point to my strength. I am stronger. And it's an automatic switch to face the next bigger problem in line: my career.

I am a very honest person. Very open and I guess the conflict with my family rooted for this one positive and at the same negative strength of mine. This is the very first instance where my integrity was put into question or has been at stake. My jobstreet profile is incomplete but I have a document attached on my jobstreet account that I assume will be checked on. Someone from my headhunter called for an initial assessment sometime last year and I am pretty sure if she'd asked me about my course I will say it's a 2-year course ONLY. I could not help adding the word only since this is how everyone treats a lower rank , if compared to a higher rank. I always hear it one would say I worked as a janitor only if asked by an employee with a better job profile. I don't like the negativity the word ONLY conotes. But for the sake of comparing it to a degree course, then really a diploma course is nothing compared to a degree right?

So there, I applied for this job where one of the qualifications is "an applicant should possess a degree course in IT". Armed with confidence and years of experience in IT-related field, I took my chance despite that my educational background did not match the required educational attainment. I know this part here is a repetition of my post here. I was very thankful that I made it through their initial assessment, technical interview and final interview until finally a JO (job offer) has been signed.

Last week I submitted some of my pre-employment requirements, these include my diploma. There they have noted for the first time that my course is a 2-yr course which caused a record descripancy. They asked me for character references, contacts of my immediate supervisors from my current and previous companies.

On Tuesday, someone had come by my boarding house checking my background. I wasn't around so I'm glad that one of my boardmates was there to answer some questions. Questions were: years of stay, if I was able to pay the rent, how much is the rent, etc.

Yesterday afternoon, a guy called me doing again a background check. Some are details about my family, my mother and father and sibling's educational background, their personal information, my hobbies during free time, if I have a credit card, my activities in the province, etc.

I don't have problem with all those questions because I have nothing to hide. I am not a fraud! I even want them to check my mail (of course in my presence) especially the Sent folders where they can check all my previous sent job applications where my attached resume contains my true educational background. What I provided them are the truths and one thing that is really alarming it really bothers me is that where they got the information that I am a Bachelor's Degree in Computer Science/Information Technology graduate??? With all those questions, I feel like they are peeling my clothes, my skin until I'm bare. If I can only let them see my conscience, I will definitely try doing it. Just to prove them that I am intact and to restore my integrity that was stained because of this - what? a misunderstanding? a faulty assessment and documentation?

Am I a victim of a malicious hacking? Am I a victim of a faulty system? Is it my carelessness of submitting a faulty application form?

Just to clarify the latter, I re-check my jobstreet account and found out (warning: repetition ahead) that the Educational Background section is not completely accomplished. And I have attached a complete resume (in word doc) that any employer can refer to. And I have the confidence that they would request for an updated resume since in all my job applications, they do request for one.

Or are all these happen by a chance? to test me again?
All I can say is I am not a fraud.
I will take one step at a time. My other problems, they are not urgent. I will be facing it once this one is done.
I should not be here in the office in the first place. But I need to answer some urgent emails so I'm here :)
On my way here, I was analyzing my blog title In between breaks. I came up with this name because I was only able to blog during breaks. But then I realized that I am busy working during those in between breaks. I should have named my blog "in between work" or "in every break". Why this sudden thought? Nothing. I was just thinking of renaming my blog. Or perhaps I should just stick on it since it is the name known by my co-bloggers and since what I am blogging about are the things that happened to me in between my breaks (which of course are work-related, personal views and experiences). Whatever. I guess I have to gather my scattered thoughts first.
I wish everyone a 'happy blogging'. And for me? Wish me luck. And pray for me if you are willing :)


// krissy ♥ said...

Hi Ness! It's not your fault since there is an attached complete CV with your profile. It seems like someone did not check the full details first tsktsk. Anyway, I hope you will overcome these problems soon. You are right, you are bigger than the problem. Thanks for that, I will be keeping that in mind from now on. :)

RicAdeMus said...

They would know you are not a fraud if they knew you. It sounds like they made a mistake and now they are thinking you did it. That is so unfair!


Weezer said...

My heart aches for you that you are having such a bad time right now. You must keep your chin up and keep your faith in tact that what is meant to be will be. DO NOT beat yourself up over all of this. Keep your priorities in order and stay faithful to what is right. I have faith that things will turn around for you and that things will be good.
Blessings and prayers for you, my dear young friend.

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