Roadblock

...is anything that renders you difficulties to make progress or achieve your goal. A barrier.

Why such statement?

Three years and 11 months with my current company and I am feeling this itch again - you can compare it to a seven-year-itch. I can feel the symptoms all around me - happiness declining, my drive to become better and to explore loosens. My thought is like wading towards new environment, new people, new application to play around, new things to learn.

Like the seven-year-itch, there is also a pattern I'm feeling here which I am so alert I already raised a red flag to warn myself "this is not sooo good!". I do procrastinate a lot!

For one thing, I've been putting some task to a later time when I am fully aware I can do it alright within my 'now'. Another thing is that I am losing my focus and I am easily distracted with little things like chatting, social networking, songs on youtubes, frequent little breaks -- not so evident but steals my time softly.

Going back to roadblock, I know I am facing one right now. And when I recognize a problem I am up for a solution. Before I go down to a pitfall and ending up demotivated, I might as well heed my self-warning flag. It won't hurt to do a little self-motivation.

And right when I need it most, I happened to drop by Powerbooks at Alabang, scanned thru racks and found this book 'Motivation' by Jeff Davidson, a 60 second solutions to why we do a lot of putting off, delaying or deferring an action to a later time.

Why do I need this book? Because I answered most of the questions on page #7!

- spending too much time on periphery tasks
- finding it difficult to get started on some tasks that I know to be important
- putting off tasks and starting it when there is really a need to

Laziness is a sure one way of procrastinating. And when we do this, it lowers our initiative.

Now, why do we tend to become lazy when things are not tough? Reasons.
- We are comfortable and confident that task is easy and you can do it in no time
- We fear of failure that's why you are only maintaining your status quo
- Allowing little distractions get in our way
- Demotivated

Whatever your reason is, in the end you will know procrastinating is such a bad habit. In the end, you will always comes down to two options: either you do it or you will not do it, either you succeed or you will fail. I learned it the hard way.

So why procrastinate? It is just a roadblock to your success.

Heavenly Hugs

What's warmer than a hug when we're feeling lonely and sad? An affectionate squeeze encircles our body and embraces our heart. It makes us feel cared for, wanted and valued - Grace Fox

God have arms. Yours and mine are extensions of His. God wants to comfort the hurting. And He magically does that through us. Sometimes, that means literally extending physical hugs to other person. Other times it can be extended by emotional hugs through service, kind words, affirmation, encouragement, showing you care, giving your appreciation, expressing your thankfulness, offering a smile, etc...

Opportunities sorround us. If you are presented with one, don't let it pass without you taking advantage that chance to extend His heavenly hugs.

- Nessy

Waiting With Grace

Waiting on God is not something everyone is used of doing. Usually, our tendency is to get ahead and do our own thing. We plan, we set lifetime goals and we embark on fulfilling these goals without even praying, asking or consulting God if what we have in mind are aligned to His agenda in our lives.

We wake up in the morning and the first thing that comes to mind is our daily dose of concerns -
What to eat at breakfast.
What to pack up for lunch.
How can we be productive.
Our shopping spree, bonding with friends, what best movies to watch, who like our pictures at facebook or what's the best tweet at twitter, and the list goes on.

WE FORGOT TO express our gratitude to our God for giving us another day to live. We forgot to ask Him to bless our day, to give us strength to whatever may come our way. We get ahead. Because we're impatient. We're so eager to do things our own. We are not at peace by just letting God guide us.

We fidget.

Just observe when we are at the waiting end. Say we're supposed to meet a person at 5PM. Before the clock strikes 5 o'clock, here are what we usually do:
- check the time
- five minutes before 5PM, we will be tapping our fingers or wiggling our toes or swaying our legs or pacing around (our way of channeling our thoughts)
- in another few minutes, we will be composing a text message, probably asking for the person's whereabouts (san ka na banda?). If no reply, we'll text again or give that person a ring
- when we get a response 'I'm on my way', most likely we will ask estimate of that person's arrival
- and then back again to tapping fingers, wiggling toes... now with exasperated sighs


I am not saying these apply to all, but I think most of us are (count myself as guilty sometimes!).

BUT GOD taught me better, to wait on things with patience. That there is no better way of spending waiting but to do it patiently.

I know it because I've been tested lately few times already. One instance was when I chose to wait for my boyfriend while he was taking his exam. He was supposedly out at 6 o'clock (PM). He was having a hard time completing his exam earlier than he could, so I had really no idea how long I will have to wait. But what surprised me was the patience and the calmness I had in my heart to just stay and wait, letting time passed by while enjoying being alone. I was never this person before, I so hated being on the waiting side. But as I said, God taught me better. You will never get to enjoy life if you are impatient.

I read somewhere and I reflected on it: Patience is not about how long you wait, it's all about how you behave while waiting.

A time spent waiting for something or for someone is never a waste of time and effort if you know in your heart this is how God wanted you to do, you will still continue your walk with a happy end in mind. You may not know what specific ending that is, but you know for sure that what God has for you is something beyond what you can imagine.

The behavior of waiting is tested and visibly seen on how we deal with small stuff - our daily routines, our daily small encounter with people, on how we react with small matters at hand - impulsive? always with sense of urgency? grumbling? Or calm and poise with surrender to God while having a strength and a positive character, with understanding and with a smile?

Just wait patiently, under God's grace.

Afterglow

82 days before Christmas. Time flies! Why couldn't we keep time from moving on? Why couldn't we just say the command 'freeze' and everything will freeze giving us a chance to linger? But if this is possible, do you think it would take the excitement out of life? I would think so.

There are spur-of-the-moment acts that made us giddy and giggly. Unexpected opportunities that almost made us tumble because the excitement is too unbearable for us. If the moment would be prolonged, don't you think the length of time would be able to sustain it? Excitement cease to exist when spoiled. And one spoiler is you staying in that moment longer when you need is to move on.

If we could freeze out the time, chances are we will all miss the fun and great opportunities the future could bring; we will not get to enjoy the best parts of life. Remember that life is not only about pleasant moments. The one that molds us into who we will become are the events that we usually dread to experience.

There are moments that we so wanted to last but we could not take hold of it. What's left is just an afterglow... but we could bask in it. Despite losing the actual moment, we are lucky enough that we have all been given with special gift - memories, that allow us to recall our pasts with smiles and tears in our eyes.

We could not get hold of everything. But we could at least try to get hold of what we could have. So we better make the most out of it.

Crossroad

My life is moving to a full twist right now. I felt like I'm imprisoned in an empty bottle and I'm seeing the cap twisting to its closing direction. I could not control it, I cannot cling onto the steep sides of the bottle to climb and come out. My love life is in jeopardy, not because of third party but because of me - my desire of finding something. My wedding was supposed to set by end of this year. But due to the unforeseen, it will be postponed to who knows when. I know now is one point in my life when I need the strength to hold on, to be there with him, and not to let go. For a reason I could not fully distinguish, I'm losing it. I'm guilty because I'm no longer fighting. But myself is trying to reason out, I've tried for years of waiting, hoping, pushing and I supposed my patience had reached it's maximum level. I'm tired and I just said "let's just go with the flow and see where will be heading. I'm tired of fighting, of always be on guard to make all of it work. And worst, I can no longer find the joy of doing what I had been doing years before". The other side of me reasons for him "I'm just expecting too much from him and that he's doing all the best he could do to make everything work as planned and it would be unfair for him if I just let go and leave him fighting alone."

My realizations: I wanted to be free and explore other possibilities. But I still want him to stand by for me. I know that unfairness is an understatement, this is selfishness. And I'm crying out for God on this part. I pray that He would give me wisdom to discern his will and guide me to it and have a sense of realization between what's valuable and worthless. That He would let me see the beauty of a person beyond skin-deep.

It is hard when you are at the crossroad and you need to choose to trudge only one path that would involve your future, your wants and dreams in life. If only you could choose both. If only you could just cling on to what have been were and not getting to a part of disarray and confusion. But life doesn't work that way; life is always about learning mistakes of the past and moving forward. Ah! Life is such a beautiful mess of yearnings, appealing options and false possibilities but you need to be fully aware of what you really wanted, and once you've already selected an option, you have to live with it as there would definitely no going back. You could not get to enjoy the best of both world.

Inward Reflection

God doesn't play dice. When He created me, He was looking at a bigger picture. He was looking at the future. I have a little significant purpose that is why I am here. I may feel my life is just following a wandering course, it is because I have yet to understand or realize the reason of my existence.

Today is my second day of reading The Purpose Driven Life book. Reading this book was an overdue plan made into action when during our Christmas exchange gift, we were required to give a wish-list worth at least 500 pesos. I could not think of anything but the pepper spray (for self-defense) amounting to 300 pesos and this book, the Purpose Driven Life at 225 pesos.

Since before I've been questioning God why I was born this way. Honestly, I am not fully satisfied at how I physically look. I don't like my built, I'm petite and always been a victim of ridicule. Sometimes, it is the root of my diffidence. But since high school till then I learned to stand and face those bouts of life. I became sturdy instead of vulnerable. I became flexible. I've got insecurities and whenever this feeling strikes, I always remind myself to be happy of what I got and to look at my positive traits. See what God had made me? I developed a strong personality.

God prescribed every single detail of your body. He deliberately chose your race, the color of your skin, your hair and every other feature...

My petite figure is definitely not a mistake. Whenever I overcome insecurities and whenever somebody praises me for the beauty they'd seen in me, I tend to show feelings of unwarranted importance because of overbearing pride. I struggle inside to suppress that exuberance. But my friends or acquaintances, they may have their own observations and thoughts. I may felt or convinced myself that I had suppressed that pride but I may unknowingly acted just the opposite. And I'm not happy about that. My petite figure is not a mistake or accident. God knows if He had given me a perfect figure, I may not learned how to appreciate what I have, to be considerate of the feelings of others and to be humble. The way I am is purposely given by God to bend me to someone pleasing to Him. Right now, I'm not saying I am perfectly humble, deep inside I'm restraining that pride but I am trying to be humble with no sense of excessive self-respect.

Everything we posses has its intended purpose that molds us into who we will become.

I should have not posted this, this is my inward reflection and I initially intend to silently keep it in me. But I just would like to share it so that anyone who feel like he's somebody would start thinking how to bring down his inflated feeling of pride, his feeling of superiority and just learn to be modest and appreciate what others have without the grudging admiration.

Contemplations

It's almost the end of year and a beginning of a new year. Just the usual time when we take a look at where we stand with our lives and dreams, whether we are where we expected ourselves to be.

We evaluate ourselves of the following:
- what we have and haven't accomplished
- the highlights and low-lights of the past year
- the things we should have done better
- the things that we haven't done because we were afraid of the consequences

I know somewhere, some are contemplating on the following rhetorical questions:

For those that are burn-out or no longer happy staying with their job, is it time to leave my job? Followed with, am I making enough money? Piece of advice: before you fly off your job, be sure to have a replacement. Remember that a bird in the hand is so much better than two in the bush. No matter how burn-out you are, spice up your patience to punch your time card until you find something else better.

For those that are planning to get married, is he/she really the one for me? Will our love lasts a lifetime? Am I ready to accept his/her flaws and love him/her with his/her imperfections? Hmmm.. are you having a pre-wedding jitters? Before you end up being a runaway bride/groom, think about this: can you live the rest of your life without him/her? If your answer is no, then it is likely that he/she is really the one for you despite all his/her imperfections and your love will lasts till you both have gray hairs and wrinkles on your face until such time that one of you will leave this earth.

For those half-halfheartedly deciding on something, is my decision right? Weighing the pros and cons of a decision is really hard. Just think about the consequences of what you are going to do and think about the good it will brought you and the people which will directly be affected by your actions.

For those experiencing problem with their life, will I survive this blow? Of course you will! God is not going to give you a cross you could not carry. Just hold on to him while steadfastly carrying on your burden. It is not always all the time that fate is against you.

Oh and I personally mull over some two questions above.

Just this Christmas, I had prepared a list of things I want to receive as a gift. A wish list. As expected, I have not received everything in that list. But as I withdraw myself from that christmassy feeling, I would like to replace that Christmas list with a 2011 wish list, my personal game plan of what will come next. Same to that Christmas wish list, I'm as well expecting some in the list will not go the way I planned it to be.

As I look back at my 2010 life full of surprises, ups and downs, I admit I could not 100% figure out where I stand. But with my 2011 wish list tucked in mind, I'm definitely sure to welcome 2011 with big changes :)

Crossing my fingers that luck will knock at my door this 2011 and the same wish goes to everyone.

Things to thank for

As I behest myself to reflect on my life this past one year, it dawned on me that despite a number of disappointments and an endless list of things unaccomplished, my life has still been considerably rich and rewarding.

For one, the problem I had encountered with my job application earlier this year had been a blessing in disguise. I have earned their trust and respect which in return, I had achieved yet again another factor that contributed to my 'self-worth'.

The confusion with my family was straightened out. The exchanges of defensive words had led us to listen and understand each other better. It helped us be more appreciative of each other plus the fight we had became an avenue for us to have an open communication and a higher degree of closeness. I admit it really helped me a lot. My worrying nature that causes me to be short-tempered lessens.

My nephew died and during this grave situation, my family was together and even my boyfriend was there to help. Together, we had pulled through each other, we had pulled though my brother. And this situation had instilled a lesson into my brother who I think is still not ready to be a father. Sad to say, a life-lesson learned at the expense of losing a family member. I know God did not want like this to happen, but His will serves a purpose. During those moments at the hospital, while watching my nephew having a hard time breathing, I whispered to God that if he's really meant for us then save my nephew of all the pain and let him live, but if he's not then take him and we will give him back to Him. It helped me realized that whatever He gave us will be taken from us if were not worth it.

My relationship with my boyfriend has its own ups and downs. The ups had let us enjoy and cherish each other, the downs made us appreciate and bring the best of each other making our bond stronger. I pray that this bond is tight enough to face another storm that surely would come our way and I also pray that nothing will obstruct our plan this coming year.

Lastly, I've been financially tight but despite the low budget, we were able to get through by not being recklessly wasteful.

I have other things to be thankful of, the good friendship I have with some, my housemates, yen, zette, shiela (we are with each other whenever the low of life hits)... my mother despite being an old woman is still trying her best to cook meals (the best!) for us, new acquaintance (Ms. Mabelle who's trying to help me with my Mary Kay business). I also want to thank people who had been unpleasant and had added a challenge to my life. It is also through them that I considered my life meaningful. Without this kind of people, how on earth would I learn how to deal with difficult people? For this, I thank God for sending them my way :)

I thank my boyfriend for giving me a laptop as a gift. With this laptop, I hope I could resurrect my blogging life.

Life's uncanny twist

Life is composed of good and bad jokes. Jokes that are real, are happening and are meant to knock you down big time! Jokes that will mold you into who you will become as years go by.

It is the 'bad jokes' really that makes a life all worth living. Unpleasant jokes are the ones that leave marks into our being. When you happen to take a flash back at your earlier life, you would recall those but the recollection will just make you smile and wonder how in the world you were able to surpass those great trials.

I have a friend who happened to have her most unpleasant joke in her entire life so far and it took place yesterday. Her bad fortune yesterday might not be at its highest peak yet but this one really knocked her down. I can relate to her situation because I happened to be in her shoes a month ago when I had dealt with the possibility of my being an instant jobless.

She applied for this global company where all her abilities are put into test: her memory and adeptness, patience, health and her financial conditions as well. But she'd overcome it all except for the one thing that is beyond her control. Once she's in with the company, she will be sent abroad for a required training, for chartered accounting I guess. Thus, passport is one of the most important and a must requirement and she have not applied for one yet.

Passport application here in the Philippine is one of the greatest challenge for every Filipino. If you want to have your application submitted in a day, you'll have to wake up very early and line up your ass at DFA at a wee hour or to be specific, be there as early as 3AM so you could grab a slot. If you're late you'll end up standing at the line's tail 'til your foot sore and if you're not lucky enough, head home without being accommodate because DFA had already filled out their slots for the day.

Being ill, she decided against lining up herself waiting for her slot number to be called. She went to some agency, filed for an expedite passport application, agency promising her to have her passport in no less than 10days, paid 1300.00 or something closer to that amount and wait. The company she'd applied to on the other hand never did falter doing their follow ups of her passport. Now and then she'd received a call, a text, an email, a call again asking the status of her passport application and if there is already a feedback of its release date.

Today, March 8, 2010 is supposedly her first day at her new company. Yesterday, her luck went down. The company called and canceled her employment all because she could not provide her passport's release date. This, I thought, is a total zero consideration though I understand they have every right to turn down her employment. The agency gave no further details on the release date but just keep on assuring her they're working on it.

The release date is just what the company is asking. The agency was not able to provide it. DFA is transferring their office which will affect the processing of passport application. Being assured of the employment since she'd already signed a job offer sheet, she'd submitted her immediate resignation and already served her last day at her previous company last Friday thus making her today an instant jobless.

Wrong move? Or is it just the twist of fate? Conflicts entangled as if, if one conflict is solved, one is simply designed to be there to prevent her from getting the job she had so aspired. It seems like there is unseen reason to it all. Well, being an instant jobless does not mean an end of the world for her but putting up all her strength and hope to this 'job of her dreams' and having to exert all effort that it totally felt like she was fast-flying, broke her wings, somersault into the
air and 'splat!' suddenly hit the floor, helpless. I understood her bawling.

And to think of it all, the job is already an inch-away and she could already have it, its becoming positive that she could feel it and even I already had wish her luck for her new found job. Only the fate intervene as if everything that happened for the past two weeks of her application dilemma were all but a joke. A bad joke. A bad dream. The pleasing feeling of nearly-acquiring it returns a bitterly disappointment.

As we try to alleviate her grief (strong word but the only exact word I could think of to describe her bellowing), we could only think of something: a reason for it is yet to be understood. We'd tried to shift her focus on small positive things that happened like she'd already completed her requirements and applying for another job would mean less effort and time arranging for those papers not to mention she just got a call from a prestigious company considering her application.

We made funny comments just to lighten up the moods and somehow our unhappy chats drifted to a jovial conversation. We jokingly said we could share her our happy meals consisted of noodles, breads and oat meals. Then I told her, 'don't worry time will come that when you look back you'll find humor in this'. Adding up, 'sometimes bad thing leads to a breakthrough, you just never know.

Yes I'd said life is composed of bad and good jokes. But let me stress on this, life itself is not a joke for it is brought into purpose. Yes, the choices we made decide our fate which partially means we are basically in control of the things we would like to achieve. But ironically there is always this divine intervention that however we tried, there are things beyond our control making it impossible to reach that choice we so wanted.

The ten years are over

Once upon a time, when this girl was just 17, she’d outlined a plan of having her dreams achieved within the next ten years. The future ‘ten years’ were comprised of lucid but distant images forming within the confined of her head. A girl with an eagerness to make her life better and with sense, she’d focused her attention to continue her one track journey to a future that is still so unpredictable.

In her mind ran picturesque dreams of what she wanted her life to be. In her dreams, it was very easy to arrange everything according to plan without encountering complications, disputes, consequences of her every actions, troubles, and the antagonists – to whom she will be dealing with later on in her life.

Her pensive thoughts and her passion for life affected her disposition, her control to direct her life according to what she wanted and not to what her immediate kin dictated. Her personality, I may say, is both defined and authoritative – very classical which just made her more sturdy and determined.

One by one and slowly, the leaf of the ‘ten years’ were flipped open. The vivid dreams she had had were painted but on these pages the images were altered and lots of settings were added. The people she’d hope she’d be with were no where in sight. The happenings that she’d never dream of occurring come to pass. At some point, there were mishaps and her messing up of her life. It was never perfect. She took the wrong move. She trudged a wrong turn. She’d reacted to people in a wrong way, misjudged some instead of trusting them and trusted some when she should not have. The life that she intended to be differs from the one she’d drawn in her memory. But in totality, all of it was never frustrating. All of it comes down to a life’s lesson brought by experience in her years.

Sometimes, this girl has this yearning of coming back to that past to re-paint her dreams, alter some and restart again to efface all the unpleasant things that happened and to make right of all her mistakes. But no, this time she knows better. She is now aware of the truth that in reality, everything is far from perfect and each action results to a series of consequences. Consequences that may either be a major break through or a downfall. No matter how she would like to change the past, unpleasant things are always bound to happen. No matter how she wanted to have every thing in place, her decision, outlook in life and attitude will always affect the outcome. Not to mention that she also cherished all the memories of people she’d met unexpectedly and the lessons that came with her every wrong decision.

This post is dedicated for her 27th birthday. The age that she’d hoped all her dreams will be realized. Tomorrow will mark the end of the ‘ten year’ margin she’d set for herself to accomplish her goals. In some way she feels like celebrating because somehow her ten years had been fruitful. On the other hand, she is feeling a lump in her throat whenever a thought struck that the ten years had already ended.

... And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It is the life in your years that matters.

Eclipse

This is a long over due post, I should have posted it 6 days ago but because I was in the province for that long weekend, I don't have the access to the internet. For the time being, the internet connection in our place is limited to the new settlers. As you may know, we've just moved in our new house last June 2009. Hopefully by January of next year, we can have the internet connection.

Anyway, have you already witnessed or experienced an astronomical phenomenon called the solar eclipse? I did at the young age of 8 back when we were still living in Leyte. Yes I know the latest solar eclipse just happened recently (July 22, 2009). But I was not aware there was an eclipse happening that time. I remember the first time I had witnessed the solar eclipse. We were at our school. The eclipse was expected at noon, when the sun is at its very highest. I've heard myths that while the earth is partially covered in darkness, lots of evil spirits are roaming around, rejoicing. I've heard elders reminding young ones not to look at the sun directly while the eclipse is happening if we don't want to our sight. To protect our eyes, we were advised to use sunglasses or an x-ray film. Our teacher then, Sir Gaddi (*may his soul rest in peace*), put a large basin half-filled with clean water in the middle of the school's playground. The water mirrored the heavenly phenomenal that produces the excited yells of every innocent students. He shouted to every student who dare move the basin or stir the water or unintentionally covered everyone's view because it spoiled the moment of witnessing the rare 'moon covering the sun' event. It is somewhat fantastic to watch. When the full solar covering happened, the light coming from the sun rays had dimmed. It was mid-day but it feels like a very late afternoon. Later did I know that some part of the Philippines (like in Pampanga) had experienced a total darkness.

Eclipse is a natural phenomenon which produces darkness in areas where the sun rays are covered by the moon's umbra. It lasts in a matter of minutes and seconds. It's not permanent and I could not help but compare it to what we are experiencing in our lives. We have our own several eclipses - those are the episodes in our life when feel lost and dispirited because of overwhelming difficulties, issues and uncontrollable circumstances that confront us in our day to day lives. But just like the eclipse, it is not lasting. When there is darkness, there is light. For every problem, there is a solution. It's only a matter of perspective: either you choose to be responsible to do something with the problem or you just ignore it and be confronted with a much bigger problem later.

Problem is a part of the natural cycle in our life. Do not expect that the problem you resolved today is the last problem you will be facing in the your entire life. What you can do? Two things: Prepare and Pray.

Prepare

1. yourself to be strong

2. for things that can eventually help you (like savings, most of the life problems can be resolved financially)

3. spiritually and

PRAY for God's guidance and help to strengthen you in your course.

For a little perspective, I would like to leave you this inspirational quote from Mary Kay Ash:

For every failure, there's an alternative course of action. You just have to find it. When you come to a roadblock, take a detour.

There are many plans in man's heart but only God's plan will prevail

I have always been passionate about life. This was how I was raised: to embrace the life I was given and make the most out of it. By high school, all my plans were laid out. I pretty much know what I want to accomplish. The plan was just simple, I thought: continue my studies to college, get a degree, graduate with flying colors, work corporate, buy a house and lot, help my parents send my siblings to school, marry at age 27, and don't be a nagging wife (lol).


Continuing college

How I finished my schooling is a very long story. I stopped for a year after graduating high school. For financial reason my parents could not send me to college. I'd took a chance here in Manila, I ended up staying at my half-sister in Pampanga. I didn't have the advantage of choosing a degree course so I ended up taking 2-yr diploma in computer related course. I worked hard. I landed several small paying jobs while studying: grocery cashier, assistant in an office insurance, jollibee crew. In two year time, I graduated. I never got the degree I was planning to have (one down from my plan) but I graduated with an award.


Going corporate

I was still in my first year college when I decided to apply for an office position in Cybercity Clark. I haven't heard any feedback from my application until after a year they offered me an encoder position for a project based which will only last for three months. I was still a Jollibee crew then and two months away from receiving my diploma. I submitted my resignation letter and right away signed the contract. Never did I know that this will mark the very first step of my ladder to working corporate.


The challenge

After two months that I was working, my family (residing in Leyte by then) decided to join me and live in Pampanga for good. To add to my difficulties, the project I was working on was terminated. It was like the burden of the world was placed upon my shoulder. No work. No savings. Mouths to feed. Responsibilities. For a moment, I wanted to just *puff* and be gone. But life was not design that way. I knew I have to go on striving to live and never to lose hope. I was fervently praying to God to help me find a job - a better job. I applied for different companies in Clark, I did not mind working in a factory anymore. I gave up my dream of working corporate. I was accepted as a Quality Control in Luen Thai. With a pending medical examination, I was good to start with my new work. It was a twist of fate, my half-sister passed me the job application she was hesitant to have. I went for it and I was instanty considered for the position. I didn't have the background or the experience of working on softwares but they considered my experience in Cyber City as a good credential. Who would thought that my two-month involvement as encoder in a well-established company wil be my edge in landing the position? And who would thought that this will be the turning point of my career? Guess, only God knows the plan.


Continuing the journey

After three years, I decided to move forward. I sought for changes, improvements and of course challenges. I prayed and what I seek I have found. Answered to my prayers were expressly delivered. And here I found myself the job I so wanted in a busy city of Makati.

But then again, only God knows what will happen next. He gave me something big because He knows the size of problem that will soon greet me. Financial problem? I wanted to help my parents send my siblings to school? That's why He gave me a high paying job! I think, His plan was already there before I laid out mine.

I may not achieved the things I want to have the way I planned it to have. But I'm grateful that God gave me things I need. Following my lists, only one thing is left. Or rather I could say two things: getting married and the enivetable (lol) - don't be a nagging wife. And these two I'm sure are not due to happen soon or let me say again, it depends on the great architecture of my life.

You might wonder what happend to my other plan: buy a house and lot?

As I mentioned earlier, I have achieved things but not the way I want it. My boyfriend and I decided to buy a house and lot as an investment. I may say, we're thinking of future. You see? I have it but it's shared :)

It is very true that we have so many plans at heart but all those plans will never happen if it's not according to God's purpose.

"There are many plans in a man's heart, but Yahweh's counsel will prevail."

With this post, I would like to thank my ate, Ate Amy who had help me financially during my college days. Your kindness dwells in my heart's memory.

And to Suzette. For the love of my first and number one avid reader and supporter, I took the time to add more details and to further improve this post. Thanks for your honest feedback and support dude, really appreciate it :)

You may also like this:

• Thank God I am still Alive
  

22 Things to Keep (by Dero Pedero)

I would like to share an article of Dero Pedero which I happened to read yesterday night from an old 'The Philippine Star' newspaper. I hope that you get the same insight I got upon reading each line.

You are what you eat, and what you don't eat. Similarly, life depends on what you kee and what you don't keep. There are many things in life that people may keep but only a few are truly worth keeping. Here is a list of what to keep and how to keep yourself for a brighter, happier and more fulfilling life.

22 Things to Keep

Keep calm. Life can be unnerving and if you don't make an effort to keep collected and focused, you could easily lose your cool. Take regular, conscious deep breaths to calm and center yourself.

Keep your chin up. Not only is it good for your posture and diminishes your double chin, it also helps you maintain an "I can handle it" attitude. By keeping your chin up, you can keep your head above water.

Keep your word. The true measure of a man is if he keeps his word. Honorable and trustworthy is the man who stands by what he says and promises. It is important the think well before speaking because once a word is uttered and releaased into the universe, tits vibrations could no longer be erased.

Keep in time with your inner drummer. Don't be swayed by others into following the confusing beat of their drums. Although it s sometimes necessary to adjust to the pace of others, it is best to keep in step with your persona rythm and dance to your own music.

Keep in touch with the child in you. The source of creativity in your life is that little child within you. He questions, he marvels, he imagines and invents. Stay in touch with him, and be young and creative for life!

Keep abreast with times. The world is moving so fast. Know what's happening, waht's in style, what's au courant, what's relevant, what's important. Learn the hottest trends and the latest technology. Don't be caught in a time warp or you'll be left behind.

Keep in shape. Your body shape shows your state of health. Your body is the vessel that you journey through life in. Keep it healthy and strong. Don't be one of those people who sya, "I'm in shape; round is a shape!"

Keep your mouth shut. People talk too much. We language ourselves to our own destruction and defeat. Know when to talk and when to shut up. Avoid being verbose. Oftentimes, silence speaks more eloquently that words.

Keep good friends. Good friends are hard to find. Nurture friendships that make your plight through life easier, more meaningful and wonderful. Truly poor is the man who has no good friends.

Keep great memories, not heavy objects. In the very end, good memories of life are what we will be left with, not jewels and riches that we couldn't bring when we finally go. Live each moment beautifully. Linked together, these magical moments create a magnificient life.

Keep a diary. Writing a journal is therapeutic. Record the important events in your life, your dreams and aspirations, even your failures and disappointments. When you trace back events in your life, you are bound to learn lessons from them as well as find great inspiration and strength.

Keep saying grace and thanks. Blessed is he who says grace before he eats and gives thanks for all the gifts he recieves daily. Maintain a thankful attitude and focus on your blessings instead of dissapointments.

Keep on moving forward. The universe moves forward in time. Don't get stuck in the past; make an effort to move ahead to a better life. Drop those unnecessary pices of material and emotional baggage that weigh you down and keep you from flying to your loftiest dreams.

Keep out of danger. He who exposes himself to danger finds it. Don't court danger; avoid it. As they say, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Look out for number one (that's you!), and always stay safe and sound.

Keep up the good work. Success is built upon success. The more you do, the more you achieve; the more you achieve, the better you get at doing it. Make success a habit by keeping up the good work.

Keep young. Do everything in your power to stay strong, supple and youthful. Think young; feel young. A wise man once said "It is never too late to be what you might have been." Remember that age is a number and that youth is an attitude.

Keep on dancing. Life is dance through space and time. Embellish whatever music life plays for you with your own fresh orchestration and creative choreography. Be excited in your heart and keep your feet light with happiness.

Keep on loving. Love is the reason we were created. Love diminishes when hoarded but multiplies when shared. Give it and feel it overflow in your heart. Love cures all sadness, pain and sorrow. Lonely is he who does not give love away and therefore gets none in return.

Keep on dreaming. Most men, even if they are young, are dead, that is, if they could no longer dream. Our dreams are what keeps us young and alive; they give us that sparkle in our eyes. Our dreams keep us going even while everything around us says, "Stop."

Keep on hoping. Never lose hope. Tomorrow will be another day that will bring new hope and greater blessings. Keep faith in the abundance of the universe and the mystery and perfection of life. Hope for nothing but the best and that's what you will be granted.

Keep on believing. Belief is the mother of reality. What you believe becomes your truth. Believe in yourself, believe in the magic of the universe, believe in the power of your dreams. And most of all, believe you can do it, so you can have all your heart's desires!

These you must not keep

Don't keep up with Joneses. Just because your neighbor bought a red Ferrari, you, too, must get one. Don't joine the bandwagon and keep away from being one with the herd. Too mcuh unhappiness in this world is caused by comparisons, comparing yourself and trying to measure up the other eople. There is really no need to give up other expectations if it could just bring you inconvenient and misery.

Don't keep issues and grudges. The reason most of us stay miserable is because we kee issues, grudges, and problems. Detox yourself of complaints and issues that keep you from being the best that you could be. Try to solve all problems that beset you; never leave anything unresolved. The questions and puzzles of life are what make it changing and exciting.

Don't keep painful experiences. Life is not a bed of roses so you must learn to let go of negative feelings and memories of painful experiences. It's hard to go on living with a heavy heart. Pardon, forgive, forget if you can, and move on.

You may also like this: 50 Things to Live By (by Maui V. Reyes)

Thoughts and actions intertwined

Watch your thought, for they become words.

Watch your words for they become actions

Understand your actions for they become habits

Study your habits for they become your character

Develop your character for it will become your destiny

My sister's coming of age

I always considered that celebrating the coming of age is always special; should be exceptional. This is the time when a girl is officially considered a woman, not in experience, but in age. This is the official stage when a girl is no longer a child, can no longer be treated as a child.

8 years ago. I was the same vibrant, cheerful youth as my sister is. I was very excited to get a little bit older than 17. I thought that if I gain age, my whole world (the world of a 17 year old consisted of her family, friends and classmates, childhood sweetheart, foes, etc) will start to look upon me differently. And true to what I thought, my world started to change but not the way I want it to be. I was expecting that my family will give me a little bit more freedom than I usually enjoy; that my mother who is very strict (then) will finally allow me to entertain suitors, go on a date and have a boyfriend; that I could go home beyond 10p.m. without my mother raging because I'm late; that since I am officially an adult I could have my own decisions with whatever I want to do with my life; and most of all, they will stop treating me as a child and the usual pinching, occasional slapping and berating from my mother will cease. I was all wrong!

What changed? Lots of things changed. I had a curfew, I am not allowed to go out with 'barkada', I am not allowed to laugh out loud or giggle outside, in the middle of the street or whenever boys are around. Boring? Yes, but this is the life I was and still accustomed to. My younger life was spent on home cleaning, tending to my younger siblings, listening to music whole day, attending mass every Sunday, writing my journal to spill out everything, which is supposedly a secret. I told you, if you want to keep something from your family, never write it down on a diary. And studying... Despite all those strictness I don't have any resentment towards my mother because I know that with her disciplining method I've been molded to a better person that I am now.

My youngest sister had just celebrated her debut. She was the baby I look after whenever my mother was tending to other important family stuff. She was the cute girl crying whenever soap bubbles entered her eyes when I was giving her a bath. She was the small kid I was defending every time her playmates bullied her. She was the same little girl I hugged whenever she was scolded. She was my living barbie doll. I used to bring her to school and I stood, a very proud 'ate' whenever my classmates swarmed around her because she was a very sweet and adorable child. I smiled, ear to ear whenever my teacher said "ang cute naman ng sister mo" (your sister is so adorable). She was the baby of the family. Time passes by so fast that the once our baby is now all grown up, charming and beautiful. But she is still vulnerable.

Now I understand why my mother did not give me the freedom I was longing to have because of the same reason I am feeling right now towards my sister's turning point to adult life. I am afraid. I am afraid that she might do a wrong decision that would implicate her whole life. I am frightened because now, she will be more expose to harsh realities of life. And the very thing I am afraid of is seeing her fall in love with a wrong guy. I am afraid that I can no longer protect her and snatch her away from any troubles, failures and sadness she might encounter now that she has to emerge out of her comfort zone.

At her age, she already got so many suitors. And Lord knows how many fling relationship did she already have that were unknown to our mother. Once I asked about her recent 27-year old suitor. "Do you like him?" What I got was just a shrug of her shoulders combined with the words "ewan ko" (I don't know).

She could have directly said yes if she likes the guy or a simple no if not. But based on her reaction, she indirectly spelled out that she likes the guy. Plus, I can see that she is enjoying it. Being a protective sister that I am, I could not help but hope and pray she knows her boundaries and limitations and be strong enough to resists any temptations. I've been there, I've seen the curiosity in my young friends before and I know how younger people behave towards something they'd been longing to discover. I know that she too will feel it but I'm keeping my fingers crossed that she will use her head to think first before doing something she will regret for the rest of her life.

I know that each of us have our own time, our own way to discover things and our own intellect to approach things as they are. I could not tie her down and control her every decision. Trusting her and letting her discover things on her own will is also giving her every chance to know herself, to grow into a matured person, and to equip her with lessons that can only be learned from experience. There is something I can offer though, that is giving her valuable advice, guide her and be always there for her whenever she's down. She is no longer the child I used to defend. Even if she still is considered the baby of the family, I need to give her the freedom to fight her own battle. And the best advice that I could give is for her to take life one step at a time, never to hurry and savor every moment of it because she'll gonna miss this when she'd gain age.

As the song goes:

You're gonna miss this

You're gonna want this back

You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast

These are some good times

So take a good look around

You may not know it now

But you're gonna miss this...

God bless her.

50 things to live by (by Maui V. Reyes)

I've been going the ups and downs of life's bumpy ride and still got a little understanding of the true essence of life. When I happen to stumble upon few lines of quotes about life in general, that helps me understand a little about myself.

I've read some qoutable lines in an old article of Philippine Daily Inquirer and can't help but re-post it here. The ones in bold are the ones I like the most and of course those are the ones I can relate to.

LIFE

1. With regards to problems, always remember that when it rains, it pours. And sometimes, there can be even hailstorm -- even in the Philippines.

2. Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday. Is it worth all the worrying?

3. There are no shortcuts to any place worth going to.

4. No matter where you go, there will always be bad drivers.

5. If someone compliments you, smile and accept it. Take a moment to remember all the people who helped make you worthy of the compliment.

6. Stop "sleeping on it [problems]." If it were a real problem, you wouldn't be able to sleep anyway.

7. The only permanent thing in life is change. The sooner you accept that, the sooner you'll be happy.

8. Stop worrying about "what-ifs." Things will happen if they're meant to happen.

9. Sunscreen was invented for a reasons.

10. Remember that it takes both rain and sunshine to make rainbows.

11. Laugh and the world laughs with you. Cry and the world suddenly remembers it has to be somewhere else.

12. Beer doesn't have the answer to problems. It only puts worries on hold.

13. You can't make people like you, and you can't please everyone.

14. Tequila is evil. It will always be evil, so don't expect that it will go easy on you next time.

15. Practice makes perfect, even if sometimes you hit several cars along the way.

16. The opposite of "love" is not "hate," but "not give a damn."

17. Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach -- and flunk those who can.

18. You can cry over spilled milk. Just be sure to clean up afterward.

CAREER

19. If at first you do succeed, try not to act surprised.

20. Always be friendly to the people you meet on your way to the top. You are going to meet them on your way down.

21. To make your dreams come true, you have to wake up first.

22. You are never a failure unless you blame someone else.

23. There are a lot of things taught in school that you think you won't need. And indeed, most of them, you really don't need.

24. The teacher you hate the most gives you the worst grades, doesn't credit you for your efforts, and can't be bought. He goes by the name "Experience."

RELATIONSHIP

25. Don't talk unless you can improve the silence.

26. There is a big difference between "like" and "love." Learn which is which.

27. Only you can really hear your heart breaking and your real friends are the one who hear its echo.

28. If you don't have anything nice to say about your neighbor, it's best to shut up, keep things to yourself, and walk away. Why destroy a person's image when you yourself have to work on yours?

29. Sometimes, it's best to keep your feelings to yourself.

30. Cry him/her a river. Then build a bridge and walk over it. You may have to repeat the "procedure" a couple of times before you can stop building bridges.

31. When someone says he/she likes you, he/she just might really mean it.

32. True friends will make fun of what you do but support you all the way. Acquaintances will praise your work, and then not give a damn.

33. It's no use hanging on to a relationship that is only in your head. Wake up and make it happen.

34. A true friend won't jump off a cliff with you. He'll be at the bottom to catch you.

35. If he can't see what an awesome and amazing person you are, move on... while secretly wishing that one day he will.

FAMILY

36. Parents give their children two things: roots and wings. Children give their parents two things: screaming fits and migraines.

37. Remember that someday, you, too, will be getting screaming fits and migraines. So try to reduce what you give your parents.

38. Always remember that your mom had one foot in the grave to bring you to this world. And your father had to bear with her mood swings for nine months.

39. Family isn't just about being related. It's about actually being there for each other through thick and thin.

40. If you want to keep something from your family, don't write it down in your diary. (definitely not write it down)

41. The perfect, normal family is the one that is dysfunctional with many skeletons in the closet.

42. If your mother tells you to brush your teeth before going to bed or your teeth will rot, she's telling the truth.

SELF

43. It's okay to cry and bawl your eyes out once in awhile.

44. Always have some alone time. Watch a movie by yourself, have a drink in a cafe or go shopping.

45. People have their own quirks. But unless they involve public nudity and self-mutilation, don't try to change them.

46. You don't have to wait until New Year's day to make a resolution.

47. Love and respect yourself. If you can't, how will others love and respect you?

48. There is no such thing as a "perfect" body. If there is, then Barbie dolls would have come in different shapes and sizes.

49. Forgive yourself for torturing yourself.

50. You are an awesome person. Don't change for anyone.

Thank God I Am Still Alive

After what just happened this morning, I am very thankful to God that I am still alive and nothing bad happened.

I do not t know what had transpired to my mind that I wasn't thinking any other options but to go with what was my first goal: boarding the jeep right away.

I was on my way to board an Ayala jeep going to our office in Valero. I glanced at my watch and it was already past 9 o'clock. Though I had set it 30 minutes advance to our Actateck, I knew that considering the traffic, the usual 5-minute ride will extend to 20 minutes or more if the driver is what they called 'Pacman' (Baggage Boys na matakaw sa pasahero hanggang sa highway. Wa;ang sinasantong "No loading/Unloading" signs. Hinihintuan ang lahat ng tao na pwedeng isakay, parang video player nanag iipon ng points at naghahangad ng bonus. Bukambibig: "Sige, konting bilis lang ho at bawal bumaba dito.").

The traffic light was green for the side of the road going to Ayala but there was this traffic enforcer who was extending the green signal for the vehicles going to PRC. The barker was calling passengers for Ayala so I told myself, 'Ok I think I have to board that jeep'. The Ayala jeep was in the middle of the road so I need to cross half of the road. I was half crossing the street when the traffic enforcer signaled the vehicles going to PRC to stop while giving a green signal for vehicles going to Ayala.

I was in the middle of the road. I knew that in a matter of seconds all vehicles will be running fast. It's like as if there was no other option for me but to focus on boarding the jeep. It never occured to me that I could retrace my steps back to the sidewalk and wait for another jeep on a red light. What I did was scrammed my way to the jeep, hold on to the jeepney's rear 'bar' (i don't know what term to use) for support while the driver was pumping the gas and running his vehicle.

It happened so fast. For a moment, I knew how it felt to fight for your life in the midst of danger. I was holding the jeepney's rear firmly as if my life depends on it and letting go of it will result to an unimaginable tragedy. For a moment I was out of conscious effort to absorb what had just happened. Two lady passengers sitting near the rear entrance helped me out. I never uttered a word of thanks, I forgot to. I sat there, hazy and overwhelmed and motionless but I knew there was a pasted smile (hilaw na ngiti) on my face as if by doing just that, I could wipe out the embarrassment I felt.

I could not yell at the driver because I know most of the part I am to blame. But the driver did not even bother to slow down :(

General lesson is that I would never again do things in uncertain situation.

Learn to Say 'No'

“Learn to say no! Being so kind at any time sometimes brings you harm and compromise is not always the answer.”

This borrowed words of wisdom just struck me so hard (thanks bru Rizza for this) and the impact - realizations just keep on flowing. My personal experiences can attest that the hardest part of being involved in any kind of relationship be it in love, friendship, family or work is having to say no. I tend to be so kind at all time, especially with my past experiences where I found myself sandwiched in between two people whom I was not able to bring myself to say no to both. The outcome, not only that I compromised myself but I also end up being the bad one. That’s when I realized, I could not please everyone. When I am in the verge of saying no, I would really try to find suitable ways that this word would not come out from my mouth with negative implication.

Work, Friendship

Work and friendship don’t mix. This is very critical for two persons working on the same company, one is acting as the other’s immediate supervisor and other one is acting as a subordinate. There is always a tendency of preferences - favoring that someone called ‘your friend’ over the others. This case might not be always because you are very much in favor of your friend but because sometimes, you just dispose your professional discernment and succumbs to the pressure of the bond that binds you two as friend. At the back of your mind you know that you are not doing the right thing but you cannot help yourself but play a good-hearted friend so as to avoid any disagreements or differences that may come up. By pleasing your friend, your professional relationship with others as well as your work are being compromised. It is true that people can use you as long as you make yourself usable. Learn how to say no and and don’t let circumstances manipulate your decisions. When talking about work matters, you have to be detached to avoid your emotions clouding your professional thinking. There is no proper way to say no but saying it face to face with the person involve would be the best-iest way of all.

Family

Another set of situation where finding the strength to say no to family’s demands and request is very hard. This is very common to Filipino family where a close family tie is being practiced and where a daughter or son has to give in to parent’s every decision. The capability of conscious choice and decision and intention for one self is not being practiced which results to children being so clingy to their parents.

Another situation involves ‘pagtanaw ng utang na loob’, literally means ‘inner debt’ - a very common Filipino culture as a form of respect that when someone did something in favor of you, you have a moral debt/obligation to fulfill. This fulfillment within yourself sometimes becomes the ultimate reason why you cannot just utter the word ‘no’ if someone from your family approaches you and asks some favor. The big question is, until when you are indebted? Because the tendency in the Filipino culture is that you have to make ‘tanaw ng utang na loob’ for the rest of your life. Just the same, you cannot say yes to every situation. Your kin will surely withdraw his/her affection from you (nagtatampo) but there will always be other way to patch things up.

Love

You were not force to give in. But you choose to give in. And it is very hard for you to say no. Because you love him. Because you are afraid to lose him. Because if you say no, that would be the end of your relationship. And your reasons could just go on and on… Your saying ‘yes’ to him doesn’t mean you can save your relationship in advance from any problems that may come in the future. Your relationship might be secure for now but a percentage of breaking up in the future will always remain in set. Plus, your saying yes would lead to other complications that would compromise your carreer, your future, and even your life - think about it.

O.T.
@ Bru Rizza: Who says ako lang ang inspiration? This is an inspired entry from your blog I’ve read yesterday.
@ Dude Suzette: Learn how to say ‘no’. Pero kung si fafa yan, wag na no-no, go na! Para baliktad sinabi ko blog ko hehe… Sabi ko wag padalos-dalos, dapat think muna.
@ Dude Yen: I know the feeling, ako din nananahimik na lang minsan pag family matters came out of hand. Pero minsan, you need to spill it out, you don’t have to contain it baka ka sumabog. Hindi naman yan virus nakakahawa para i-contain mo (24, season 3 mood hehe..)
@ Dude/Ate Janet: Go ka na, pabili ka na laptop para lagi mo check profile mo. At lagi mo basa mga blogs nga mga addict dito tulad ko :p
@ Cathy:“practice lang mahal, practice lang…” Magaya nga ang line na yan.@ Kristine May: Hello kahit di na magbabasa ng blog hello pa rin, and hopefully baka mapadaan ka lang mabasa mo yung hello ko. Besides, I know you can relate to this entry…

Looking Back

I’m not busy. I’m hanging and waiting for my 8-hour shift to end. I’m just doing small document-related works, do some little research, and 90% of my day were spent on blog writing, blog reading, blog hopping.

Just to pass out time, I flipped through my older posts and was surprised that I’ve written a lot of entries without even realizing that I did. And so I’ve read. I’m happy to realize after all this time that I was exposed to technical works, I still have this gift of writing.

Way back when I was still in high school, I always kept journals of my day to day life. These were compilations of my emotions about love, about how I cope up with my teenage life, first love and crushes. About my family. Reactions to any political situations. I even dreamed of becoming a writer someday, thought of taking up degree in Mass Communication and I end up taking a computer-related course instead, ironic! I even dared writing a tagalog pocketbook when I was in my fourth year. I almost finished it. I was already on the last chapters of the ‘unfinished book’ when I lost the inspiration to write. I remember when I was lying flat on the floor with a pen on my right hand and a dictionary on my left hand, I would flip through pages of the dictionary to search for the right words to say. I don’t have a personal computer then. But my drive to write something push me to look into the dictionary word per word, literally. When I looked into something, even if it’s just the swaying branches of trees, swaying leaves and when I heard the hushing sounds of wind, it was easy for me to think of something to write. I was able to draw inspiration from anything, anytime and anywhere. And yes, of course, the intensity of the inspiration varies. When I was in love and very hopeful, I was able to write a poem, and I could spend days on writing one very long entry that only talks about love, that was the time when I felt like I was pouring out my emotions. However, that was rare. I can say that I was intensely inspired that time. When I went to college and eventually got a job, it feels like I am out of the dream world, I am out of the shell that was used to be my ‘comfort zone’, I am into the open space. And ironic because, when I was already in the open space my other world is closing in, my mind with free flowing ideas before seems like malfunctioning, feels like it was restrained. I don’t know maybe because before I was young and care-free. And I believe in everything. And the world that I live in is beautiful despite of its flaws. Now that I’m getting older it seems like my blind sights are open yet I could not draw inspirations from what I’ve seen. And when I think of something, it all jumbles in my head. Thoughts about pressures, stress, problems intensifies and overlaps it. My gift has not been put into use, it was kept there in my head. However, I never lost it. And I’m happy knowing it was still there. Laying and waiting and it wakes up whenever the right inspiration comes in.

About my journal when I was in high school? I still have it. The papers are already torn and the writings are somewhat blurry. After I gain years of age, I would surely open it, read it again and again, and I will just smile… looking back to all the memories contained in each word.

My Ako Mismo Pledge: Maliit na Basura, Ibulsa Muna!

I woke up and prepared to leave for office today earlier than my usual habit. Today, I decided to burn up some calories so I decided to walk my way to work instead of taking a jeep and being stuck in Makati traffic.
I was on my way to office and enjoying my little exercise, the atmosphere was light, there was a little humid in the air, perfect for people who like to travel by foot, but not so perfect due to some occasional smoke-belching vehicles passing by. Suddenly a gush of strong wind came, whirling its way onto the road. I’ve seen some candy wrappers, leaves, foil pack of cigarettes, wrappers of junk foods dancing along with the wind. I instantly covered my face with a hanky. Too bad that my almost-perfect walk was ruined by a sight like this.

I suddenly remembered that early on, when I passed by a 7-11 store, I’ve seen a guy sweeping in front of a building. I’m not sure if this guy is a government street sweeper or a building maintenance personnel who’s doing his routine work. Anyway, he was sweeping candy wrappers, cigarette butts, gums into this dustpan he was holding. A few steps on his back there stood a lady in a very fashionable outfit, in a red shoes and with a brown-colored glasses on, probably a call center agent. She lighted her cigarette, grabbed something like a juicy fruit gum from her pocket, unwrapped the gum and throw the foil pack on the ground, without even an attempt of finding a bin where she could dispose her garbage properly or without even caring that somebody just a few steps away from her is picking up and sweeping small garbage thrown by people like her. Whew! Pilipino nga naman!!! I hope that I do not sound like I am stereotyping Filipino.

In our subdivision, the homeowner’s association had enforced this guideline that all tenants should strictly follow proper garbage disposal: black bag for non-biodegradable and green/white bag for biodegradable, otherwise, your garbage will not be collected. The garbage collection is being done every evening at 9 o’clock. Not that I defy the rules but I suddenly have this idea to test whether they really are reinforcing the policy. I told my mother to just use the black plastic for bio and non-biodegradable waste. When I woke up the following morning, the plastics of garbage in front of our house were gone which would obviously mean they had collected it. This just implies two things: either the garbage collector are dumb and has no proper understanding of the policy or the homeowner’s association/management are just too lax to impose the rule.

I guess this is what is also happening with our government. We do have the Proper Waste Disposal Bill. But what is the use of this bill if the government is too lax to ensure the bill is strictly followed by each and everyone? If I am to impose the policy, I would have anyone seen improperly throwing their garbage spend a day in prison, that would be the best penalty compared to issuing them a ticket for cash, since I am pretty sure 90% of the money will not reach its intended destination. I guess no one is interested to spend even just one-hour behind the bars, right?

Going back to what I did home, I just realized something. That maybe if each one of us are doing his/her own share of caring for our environment then maybe waste disposal would not be a major problem in our country. That the government may lacks the drive to enforce the law but we can choose to be a better citizen by abiding the law, then maybe we’d be dealing with a lesser problem in pollution. That everyone’s small effort can make a significant difference in advancing towards greater achievements.