You are Successful even if you think you are NOT!

From the writer of 10 Habits of Really Happy Couples, I am sharing below the 20 signs that you are succeeding in life, even if you don't feel you are.

Note that success here is not isolated to a career or business or relationship, but on how you experienced life as a whole and the perspective you acquired through these experiences.

1. Your relationships are less dramatic than they used to be.

Drama is not maturity. As we age, we should develop maturity. So maybe your relationships were drama-filled in your past, but if you have moved beyond that, then you are successful.

My two cents:

I know I've been such a cry baby. I tried to always win the arguments even over something petty. I used my brain to analyze things and worked on my wit to make a point (even if it's pointless, I realized now). I cried when I get angry, I cried when I was frustrated, I cried when I felt neglected. 

My boyfriend then (who is now my hubby) kept his silence whenever I have my fits. His way of dealing with me just added fuel to my emotion. I ranted, sending him essay type arguments thru text. There were times that he kept his distance for about days. I felt so neglected and unloved. But actually he was just waiting for me to cool down. Looking at it now, I am thankful for the patience he had with me most of the time (I said most of the time because there were really times that I got on his nerves.). And I can see now who is more matured and rational between us in handling things. 

2. You are not afraid to ask for help and support any more.

Asking for help does not equal weakness. In fact, it is a strength. No person has ever succeeded in isolation. It takes teamwork to accomplish goals. Asking or help is a sign that you have grown as a person.

My two cents:

My first job, I was always afraid to leave my seat and go to my supervisor's desk to ask for help for the fear of being branded as "stupid" or "bobo" or someone who does not know how to use her common sense (well I have history on this, I've been told to use my common sense by one of the technical lead when I asked her about how to run the PL/SQL script they gave me on the report I have to test in one day without a project walk through). Talks about trauma. If you have similar experience and you have overcome that fear, you've evolved!

I didn't know then that someone who's afraid to ask is actually afraid of learning and I didn't know then how to raise questions properly.

Asking is another way of fueling your growth. As I evolved into the person that I am now, I was able to practice the good approach of asking:

a) know the first question to ask so you can approach the person in charge CONFIDENTLY. Yes, even if you don't know or don't have any idea, approach with confidence so the other person will treat you with respect. Don't be such a mouse!

b) analyze the whole scenario so you will know what your follow up questions will be

c) understanding the purpose of what you are doing will lead you to the right questions

d) it's good to sum up and discuss the scenario to your supervisor first before diving to your main question. Don't assume that because the person is a supervisor, he/she already knows what you are about to ask

3. You have raised your standards.

You don’t tolerate bad behavior any more – from other people, or even yourself. You hold people accountable for their actions. You don’t spend time with the “energy vampires” in your life anymore.

My two cents:

I evolved big time on this one. I was timid, a yes-man, passive, with fear of rejection, I hate confrontation and even healthy arguments. I've met bosses who treated me like I was one of their lady servants - doing personal errands for them, who felt stomach cramps at the sound of their voice whenever I felt like I've made a very tiny mistake (talking about my first corporate job). Knowing your grounds and your rights will help you not to tolerate bad behavior of other people. Don't spend time with them and seek their approval. Avoid them as much as possible. But if you are working with them on the same project, learn how to deal with them professionally - with confidence. If they see you cringe, they know they have an advantage on you. Don't be a bully of your own self.

4. You let go of things that don’t make you feel good.

No, this is not narcissistic even though it might seem like it. Self-love is success. Love yourself enough to say ‘no’ to anything that doesn’t make you happy, doesn’t serve your purpose, or drags you down.

My two cents:

As I have said, don't spend your time seeking approval or people you don't like.

5. You have moments where you appreciate who you see in the mirror.

Ideally, you should appreciate who you see in the mirror at every moment. But even if that doesn’t happen, if you do it more than you used to, then that is success. Love yourself. You are awesome.

My two cents:

It helps in boosting self-esteem in looking yourself at the mirror and saying "you look good today" every day before going out. The first person who can extend love and affirmation to yourself is you - don't wait for others to notice it, start it yourself now.

6. You have learned that setbacks and failure are part of self-growth.

Not everyone can have success 100% of the time. That’s just not realistic. Life is about victories and losses. So look at your setbacks as stepping stones to something better. In reality, there really is no such thing as as setback. It’s all just part of a wondrous journey.

My two cents:

Hindi araw-araw pasko -- the line I heard from my husband when I had a hard time getting my Barangay Clearance for our marriage certificate registration. Whenever there are unexpected delays on the things I need to accomplish, I always resort to a thought that maybe God used that delays for a reason bigger than mine - could be for me to avoid an accident, or to give priority to someone who's really needing it, etc. Setback, failure, losses - these are part of life, treat them as naturalizer so everyone could have a balance life on earth.

7. You have a support system that includes people who would do anything for you.

If you have figured out the people who “have your back” and recognized the ones who only pretend that they do, then you have succeeded. This is a painful realization, but once you learn to see the signs of betrayal, you can stay away from those people.

My two cents:

When I was younger, I count my friends and I am saddened because I only have a few in my circle. I envy my husband because he seems to have lots of connections from every season in his life. He's got a group of friends from grade school to college, previous office mates and church mates, new found friends from just around the corner. But come to think of it, if he's in need can he go to all of these friends to ask for help? Only few will respond for sure. I may have few friends in my circle, but if I count them I have about 1, 2 or 3 real friends. And I am pretty much sure I can count on them. If you know who you're friends are, you are lucky.

8. You don’t complain much.

Because you know there really is nothing to complain about. Unless you really have gone through some horrific life experience and had unimaginable losses, most of what we all experience on a day-to-day basis is just mundane. And successful people know that. And they live in a space of gratitude.

My two cents:

True, you have realized that there is really nothing to complain about because what you are experiencing are pretty much the same with what others are going through. Or maybe what they're having now are much worst than yours. You cannot complain how mundane your everyday is, or being always late because you live far and getting to office will take you three rides through traffic, or that you're salary is not enough to sustain your needs. You cannot complain how your frizzy hair ruined your date or your ankle hurts so bad when you walk because you wear a high heeled shoes. You cannot complain about how your life is taking its setback. Complaining won't do you no good and there's only you who can actually resolve that complains, no one will work out the solutions for you. Complaining is an energy-eater. However, being thankful and cheerful no matter how life gets you down gives you an energy to propel you through life.

9. You can celebrate others’ successes.

Just because other people succeed, that doesn’t make you a failure. Applaud the people who rise to the top. The more positive energy you give to other people’s victories, the more you will create your own.

My two cents:

Be happy with your fellow's achievement. Don't be bitter. Comparing yourself to the success of others won't give you a sense of satisfaction over your own accomplishment. There's always this feeling that you want to achieve greater than what others have. Compete with your own self not with others so you could beam with pride if you surpass the challenge you set for yourself. Don't view other's success as a prize to win.

10. You have passions that you pursue.

You are not stagnant. You know you have something wonderful to contribute to the world. You have unique talents and gifts. Not only do you know that, you pursue it.

My two cents:

If you like writing, don't give up on it. Have your own journal. Nothing can compare to the blissful feeling of completing something you really like. I feel the same every time I finished an entry, even if mine is far from making an entry into a magazine.

If you love serving others, join an outreach program.

If you're fond of running, join a running club and encourage fellow who wants to shed off some extra baggage.

Don't ever give up your passion. It will help you to be less grumpy and be more lively/happier.

11. You have things to look forward to.

If you don’t have exciting things going on in your life that you are eagerly anticipating, then you are slowly dying inside. Successful people create goals that they are passionate about pursuing. They let this excitement drive their life.

My two cents:

Dream and live for your dream. Aspire and work hard to achieve it. Live for your goal. Have you ever experience being lazy about doing something because you don't know what's the purpose behind your action? Pretty much the same thing if you wake up every day feeling miserable all day. Living a life with a purpose enable you to look beyond tomorrow.

12. You have goals that have come true.

Even though “failures” are a part of life, you have stuck to your goals and dreams long enough to make them come to fruition. You have  some tastes of victory. It fuels you.

My two cents:

Have you heard the song entitled "Count your Blessings (instead of Sheep) by Jose Mari Chan?

Usually we see success in life through milestones and major accomplishments that if these major things failed, we are quick to jump and judge our life as an epic fail. Learn to see life from a microscope point of view, every details can be seen (green flag for success, red flag for failure) and I bet you will see more green flags than red ones.

13. You have empathy for others.

A person without empathy is dead inside. Empathy equals spreading love and positive energy into the world. Successful people know this. They love others as if they are family.

My two cents:

Remember that sympathy is different from empathy. Sympathy is feeling what other feels but with boundaries. Whereas if you have empathy, you will have this urge to help out the needy, to encourage the burdened, to guide and share knowledge to those who were like you once - starting up with their career. Empathy = deep sense of consideration with others. An emotional quotient that is very essential when leading people.

14. You love deeply and open yourself up to be loved by others.

Love is risky, and sometimes scary for people. It’s the one thing we all strive for, but it’s also intimately tied to the one thing we fear the most – rejection. If you open your heart enough to love and be loved, then you are successful.

My two cents:

You are not afraid of getting hurt. Because you already know that suppressing yourself of giving the love and depriving yourself of not feeling the love equate to the feeling of "you love but you lost". It's more painful 'not knowing because you have not tried' versus the 'you tried and were rejected. With not trying at all, there will always be wondering, unanswered questions, what ifs and worst regrets.

15. You refuse to be be a victim.

You know that life doesn’t always happen to you. Many times, you are a co-creator of your life experiences. Successful people know this and refuse to be kept down by life experiences. The rise up and conquer anyway.

My two cents:

You won't appreciate the happiness if you don't experience the sorrow. There will always be a time in your life that you will be played as victim, use this experience to relate with others, to grow empathy within you. Being a victim is part of your growth. If you have not been a victim even just once for your entire life, you have not been on the other side of life yet.

And to highlight the opposite of this -- STOP PLAYING A VICTIM. Stop shifting blames. As already mentioned, you are a co-creator of your life experiences.

16. You don’t care what other people think.

You know you can’t please everyone. You know that the standards with which society judges people is many times unrealistic. So you just keep true to yourself and love the person you are.

My two cents:

You already realized that you can't please everyone and you really did stopped pleasing everyone.

When we were preparing for our wedding, we were constrained with both time and budget. Though ours was a civil wedding, we want it to be like a simple church wedding - sentimental and everything well thought of (from the appointed wedding officiant, reception, food, ring, and clothes that we are going to wear). Challenge was that he was also leaving abroad for a one month project deployment and I was so anxious to get everything done before he gets his visa and flight details. This feeling led me to worry on not accomplishing everything to our expectation. I fretted out! My husband reminded me that we were doing our best and we should enjoy the preparation, not supposed to be stressed out. And that if it won't go the way we expect it to be, we are still getting married  and we are doing this to please God and not anyone else. I was hit straight to the heart :)

17. You always look on the bright side.

Life can be full of disappointments – if you choose to see them that way. Otherwise, they are learning opportunities. No negative experience is ever wasted as long as you learn from it.

My two cents:

You always see the glass half full instead of half empty. You always look at the positive side and you know that the silver linings on every clouds is a sign that there's a sun after the storm. Disappointments and failure? Bring them on! You are using them as your platform to advance through life.

18. You accept what you can’t change.

Let’s face it – there many things you can’t change in life. All you can change is how you view what happens. If you can change your negative perspective on situations to a positive one, then you are successful.

My two cents:

I remember the vow I made to my husband "...to accept you for who you are..."

There are certain things we can't change. Changing the core of one person is just one of them. In my life, this is a big realization. I used to think that if someone loves me, I can change him. But I now I know that would only be temporary if he change because he only wanted to please me, he will resort to his old ways because the change did not stem from his own desire. I cannot change my husband's past, I cannot change his character no matter how I despise the silent treatment he gave me when we are having arguments. But I am now viewing it as one of his strong characters because with that, we have avoided heated arguments.

You cannot change the government as a whole, it will take one decade of strengthening and sustaining the process by dedicated, service-oriented people to turn our government 360 degree change from corruption. But you can change your view, you can change how you react, you can change your actions.

19. You change what you can.

And let’s face it again – there are many things you can change in life. Successful people don’t sit around accepting the negatives that are changeable. They get out there and do something about it!!!

My two cents:

Talks about initiative. If you don't like a process, you don't go around complaining. You do something. You make something to happen.

20. You are happy.

To me, this is the ultimate definition of success. It doesn’t matter what the balance is in your bank account, how big your house is,  or how many fancy vacations you take. If you are happy, then you are succeeding in life.

My two cents:

I remember having asked several times by friends "are you happy?" after revealing the intricacies of my relationship with them. This question helped me evaluate the bottom line of why I was staying in a relationship I viewed complicated then. One of the most important things in life  are happiness and love. If you have these with you, you are full, content and are experiencing one of the success factors in life.