Learn to Say 'No'

“Learn to say no! Being so kind at any time sometimes brings you harm and compromise is not always the answer.”

This borrowed words of wisdom just struck me so hard (thanks bru Rizza for this) and the impact - realizations just keep on flowing. My personal experiences can attest that the hardest part of being involved in any kind of relationship be it in love, friendship, family or work is having to say no. I tend to be so kind at all time, especially with my past experiences where I found myself sandwiched in between two people whom I was not able to bring myself to say no to both. The outcome, not only that I compromised myself but I also end up being the bad one. That’s when I realized, I could not please everyone. When I am in the verge of saying no, I would really try to find suitable ways that this word would not come out from my mouth with negative implication.

Work, Friendship

Work and friendship don’t mix. This is very critical for two persons working on the same company, one is acting as the other’s immediate supervisor and other one is acting as a subordinate. There is always a tendency of preferences - favoring that someone called ‘your friend’ over the others. This case might not be always because you are very much in favor of your friend but because sometimes, you just dispose your professional discernment and succumbs to the pressure of the bond that binds you two as friend. At the back of your mind you know that you are not doing the right thing but you cannot help yourself but play a good-hearted friend so as to avoid any disagreements or differences that may come up. By pleasing your friend, your professional relationship with others as well as your work are being compromised. It is true that people can use you as long as you make yourself usable. Learn how to say no and and don’t let circumstances manipulate your decisions. When talking about work matters, you have to be detached to avoid your emotions clouding your professional thinking. There is no proper way to say no but saying it face to face with the person involve would be the best-iest way of all.

Family

Another set of situation where finding the strength to say no to family’s demands and request is very hard. This is very common to Filipino family where a close family tie is being practiced and where a daughter or son has to give in to parent’s every decision. The capability of conscious choice and decision and intention for one self is not being practiced which results to children being so clingy to their parents.

Another situation involves ‘pagtanaw ng utang na loob’, literally means ‘inner debt’ - a very common Filipino culture as a form of respect that when someone did something in favor of you, you have a moral debt/obligation to fulfill. This fulfillment within yourself sometimes becomes the ultimate reason why you cannot just utter the word ‘no’ if someone from your family approaches you and asks some favor. The big question is, until when you are indebted? Because the tendency in the Filipino culture is that you have to make ‘tanaw ng utang na loob’ for the rest of your life. Just the same, you cannot say yes to every situation. Your kin will surely withdraw his/her affection from you (nagtatampo) but there will always be other way to patch things up.

Love

You were not force to give in. But you choose to give in. And it is very hard for you to say no. Because you love him. Because you are afraid to lose him. Because if you say no, that would be the end of your relationship. And your reasons could just go on and on… Your saying ‘yes’ to him doesn’t mean you can save your relationship in advance from any problems that may come in the future. Your relationship might be secure for now but a percentage of breaking up in the future will always remain in set. Plus, your saying yes would lead to other complications that would compromise your carreer, your future, and even your life - think about it.

O.T.
@ Bru Rizza: Who says ako lang ang inspiration? This is an inspired entry from your blog I’ve read yesterday.
@ Dude Suzette: Learn how to say ‘no’. Pero kung si fafa yan, wag na no-no, go na! Para baliktad sinabi ko blog ko hehe… Sabi ko wag padalos-dalos, dapat think muna.
@ Dude Yen: I know the feeling, ako din nananahimik na lang minsan pag family matters came out of hand. Pero minsan, you need to spill it out, you don’t have to contain it baka ka sumabog. Hindi naman yan virus nakakahawa para i-contain mo (24, season 3 mood hehe..)
@ Dude/Ate Janet: Go ka na, pabili ka na laptop para lagi mo check profile mo. At lagi mo basa mga blogs nga mga addict dito tulad ko :p
@ Cathy:“practice lang mahal, practice lang…” Magaya nga ang line na yan.@ Kristine May: Hello kahit di na magbabasa ng blog hello pa rin, and hopefully baka mapadaan ka lang mabasa mo yung hello ko. Besides, I know you can relate to this entry…