If it wasn't for you I would never be who I am

Sometimes we met people who leave permanent marks on our life. We may only be with them for a short while but their impact will be felt forever.

Just listening to Honor Society's 'Where Are You Now' while waiting for my colleague. Every time I hear this song, I could not help but think of few people who had significantly touched my life.

Where are you now
Cause I'm thinking of you
You showed me how
How to live like I do
If it wasn't for you
I would never be who I am

For those people who are unimportant, who accidentally crossed my life and touched it with carelessness, thank you. For those few special people who touched my life with love, your mark are forever engraved in my heart. I may have forgotten what you have done or said, but I will never really forget how you made me feel - respected, appreciated and loved. And I could really say 'If it wasn't for you I would never be who I am.' I know that these people are the bits and pieces that formed the puzzle of my so called 'life' and I would be less if they have not touched me the way they did.

For those people that I have met, I hope that I have touched you in ways that could enriched you. If you felt that I just pass through, I hope that I had never leave you with a feeling of remorse because of a gaping hole that, I may never know, had leave behind. If I did, I could not offer anything but my heartfelt sorry.

I know we'll never see those days again
And things will never be that way again
But that's just how it goes
People change but I know
I won't forget you

So true! Circumstances change. People change. I'd changed without knowing it. And the realization hits me so hard that I grow more melancholy every hour knowing that this change would force me to leave a part of me behind.

Ambivalence

For every dream that's reborn, there's a dream that dies. For every hello you say, there's a sad goodbye. Sad but soooo true! Funny to think that what you've started, cared for in years, dreamed of fulfilling is fading slowly in front you. But what is so ironically humorous is that you have what it takes to control it, but you cannot just make it because you no longer feel it!

Relationship is the most complex aspect of human living. Your relationship could elevate you to new heights or could drag you down big time. But what if your relationship is pretty good? Should you stay? Should you commit yourself on that relationship for life? Or should you leave and look for something better? You may think that what you have is good enough and you would be a fool to abandon it in search of a new relationship you may never find. Or maybe you’re seriously holding yourself back from finding a truly fulfilling relationship that would serve you well the rest of your life. You cannot decide one way or another. Tough call! Just one of the superficial considerations on the things that I am contemplating right now. I thought that saying goodbye would be sooo easy but I was wrong.

Part 4: Essentials of Supervision - What keeps you motivated?

Whoever you are - whether you are a salaried professional (white-collar workers), in a service sector or a manual laborer, there is always one motivating factor that would keep you dedicated to your job. And whether it is passion, enthusiasm or dedication, people want to be motivated and companies want motivated people working for them. A highly motivated workforce is more likely to live with the culture of the company, support the core values and respond positively to change. Motivation lessens, if not eliminates, the problematic people - those that are whiners, rebels and demoralized.

Before continuing reading the content of this post, take a moment to assess and ask yourself this question - what really keeps you motivated at work? What is it that satisfies your compelling personal need?

During our Essentials of Supervision training, our speaker undertook and tried making us understand more about what really motivates people at work - by asking us to tell him our motivating factor in own words before he continued discussing the real motivators. The results, monetary values (e.g. incentives, compensation, bonus), recognition, self-development came as the top three.

I remember I had this interview once when I was asked what keeps me motivated and I said 'recognition'. And consistent enough, when I was engaged to assessing myself, I could not think of anything that would highly motivate me except having to feel appreciated and respected for the work I do, simply because I also take pride in what I do. Of course, the compensation is a factor but it only comes second to me, the keys to doing well on the job is not necessarily based on pay alone.

People must feel motivated to do a good job and go the extra mile at work. And motivation effort is exerted thru the managers, supervisors, leads. The question how one can keep an employee motivated?

First, let's define what is 'motivation'. It is a process in which leaders influence individuals' and teams' behavior by connecting to inner needs and desires.1

Now, you cannot motivate people if you yourself is not motivated. And that is the first rule of the process: You will never inspire others unless you are inspired yourself. Only a motivated leader can motivate others1. Second, before you can motivate someone, you need to know what motivates him/her specifically. Note that employees in an organization follow instructions only for a very selfish reason: to satisfy a compelling personal need. A leader's task is to find a way by which the job itself can satisfy them1.

Here's how1:

1. Recognize individual differences - each person has different motivating factor
2. Match people to jobs - so they could improve their skills
3. Use goals to motivate - but don't give them goal that is too easy
4. Individual rewards - if somebody is doing well, he/she is entitled for a reward
5. Link rewards to performance
6. Be fair
7. Don't ignore money, but don't overestimate its power
8. Do not underestimate the power of 'recognition'
   

Some pointers I was able to extract during the training's open discussions:

1. Recognize one in public
2. But always keep recognition and salary discussion distinct or separate. Otherwise, it will be transactional.
   
3. Never ever promise a salary increase or a promotion. It is not in your power to totally guarantee it.
4. Favoritism-issue. Whether you don't have a favorite, your team will assume and would assign one as your favorite. So make sure, if you have one, make it the 'performer'.
5. Team building, dinner/lunch treats are not real motivators. It is only superficial and the effect normally don't last long.

According to Psychologist Frederick Herzberg, there are certain basic needs - called 'hygiene factors' - that individuals look for in their work1:

1. Salary and benefits
2. Working conditions
3. Company policy
4. Status
5. Job security
6. Supervision and autonomy
7. Office life
8. Personal Life

All the above comes from the company and not really the best and real motivators. Below are what actually drive people to achieve and Herzberg wrote that these are what a leader should aim for1:

1. Achievement - the urge to achieve is a basic human drive. This is one of the most powerful motivators.
   
2. Recognition - acknowledge from senior leaders enhances people's self-esteem.
   
3. Job interest - a job that provides positive, satisfying pleasure will be a greater motivational force than a job that does not sustain interest.
   
4. Responsibility - the opportunity to exercise authority and power demands skills, risk-taking, and decision making - all of these are strong motivators.
   
5. Advancement - the main motivator is the feeling that advancement is possible.

Lastly, Peter Drucker reminds us that: "We can argue as to whether or not we are able to motivate others. What we understand is that we have the power to demotivate. It is this ability to demotivate that we should correct.1"

So good luck with eliminating our demotivating skills and exercising our motivating power.

1 are excerpts from the Essentials of Supervision training I attended at Ateneo de Manila University

Part 3: Essentials of Supervision - Emotional Intelligence

How do you handle pressure at work? Do you cram?

How do you respond to colleagues or supervisor who you think are watching your every move waiting for you to do something against what is the company's norms? Do you squirm? Are you defensive?

How do you handle conflicts between people? Would you point out mistakes or lapses of specific person?

How do you handle problems at work? Will you be irritated with colleagues that don't deliver expected results?

Well, I have listed here some pointers that I think would be of help to you if in case you've have answer 'yes' to most of the questions above:

1. Know your emotions

• When you're feeling that rage is building up, feel it. Be familiar with it. Name your emotions: is it anger? distrust? fear? anxiety? irritations? aggression?
  

2. Manage your emotions

• If management pointed out a fault in something that you've did, don't worry. Don't be defensive. Don't squirm. It is after all their job to spot imperfections. Best approach? Step out of your emotion then respond professionally.

• Manage your temper - get angry. That's unavoidable, you don't have to deprive yourself of feeling this kind of emotion. But don't let this get in the way. Feel the emotion, be familiar with it, get over with it quickly. Then get back to work.
  

• Channel your emotion away but not through other people. When you're angry, attribute them to the right sources. Analyze. Why are you angry? And AVOID ACTING UPON THEM IMPULSIVELY. Most people lost their professionalism because they react too much, too quickly and sometimes the reason of their rage is petty misunderstanding.

• Learn to differentiate what is 'problem' and 'irritation'. Don't get confused between the two. You might never know that the difficulty you're facing would have no solution at all because the source of your difficulty is you're irritation. Not a valid problem at all.

3. Motivate yourself

• Improve your self regulation and cope with frustration in a smart way. Learn to control your emotions would help one in reaching their goals.

4. Recognize emotions from others

• Be sensitive. Practice empathy. Know that when someone is losing his temper, there is nothing you can do to alleviate the person's feeling at that moment. Anything you will say will just fuel the fire. So better stop, think first then approach the person when you think the coast is clear

5. Handling relationships

• How good at you at managing emotions of others? You're done managing your own emotions. It is now time that you manage others. And leaders are skilled at this. When leaders are not calm, subordinates would become uncomfortable.

• In a conflict situation between two people, you have to recognize that both person are at fault. You don't need to point out mistakes of specific person. Remember, it takes two to tango. You also don't need the bring out the reason of dispute. Focus on 'now' and how to resolve the conflict, discuss how two people could still work together better. Be calm, assertive and straightforward when resolving conflicts.

Listed in numbers above are the 5 aspects of emotional intelligence or 'EQ' which I have learned from again attending the Essentials of Supervision training. Now, assess which of these aspects you need improvement on.

If I have to assess myself, I know I need to improve on no. 5 - to be calm under pressure. But you know, you can only achieve all of the other 4 if you have the power to control your emotion. Once you have that, learn to balance the other 4 and you would be successful in dealing with daily struggles of facing and handling difficult people, anywhere!

Part 2: Essentials of Supervision - Are you Extreme or Just the in Between?

Most of the time, people are so composed that one can never tell if a person has some struggles going on beyond what is physically visible. But our ways of handling or reacting to a situation that put us on a certain level of difficulties can actually reveal our true self.

As I've learned, people adapt three styles of relating to a situation - passive, aggressive and assertive.

Now, in which of these styles do you actually belong? And which style would you really like to adapt?


The Diplomat1

Are you afraid of experiencing direct rejection? Do you rarely take action to meet your own needs? Are you dependent and afraid to stand up for your own? Do you usually use the words 'maybe', 'perhaps' or use disclaimers? Do you prefer to be always on the safe side? Try measuring out your confidence level. Imagine yourself in a situation, say in a meeting and everyone is throwing up ideas that you think are so brilliant. You have something in your mind that you actually would like to contribute when everyone have decided to settle for the idea suggested by your team leader. What would you do? If you choose to remain silent because you were afraid yours might be rejected, then you are a passive kind of person. You rarely speak out. You just accept additional work load without question. You can be bullied. And chances are you are unknowingly building up resentment, anger and frustration inside while decreasing your sense of worth and respect (of self and from others). How can you get out of this passive behavior? Start from within yourself. Build that confidence first and everything will follow - respect, sense of worth and direction and being connected with people around you.

So do you usually use this line? "Sige lang, pag ako napuno... hmp! Lintek lang ang walang ganti?"


The Action Man1

The opposite of this sulky behavior is the dominant type often born because of low self-esteem. So remember, when you are working out your passive behavior be careful not to overdo it as you may end having an aggressive behavior. Assess yourself. Are you the kind of person who:
- uses humiliation to control others?
- speaks in loud, demanding and overbearing voice?
- interrupts frequently?
- always use 'you' statement (you should, you better, you always, you never)?

If you thinks so but you're not so sure, further re-assess yourself:
- do you notice growing resentments from others?
- do people tend to avoid you?
- are you having difficulties to express your feelings without getting mad?
- are you having difficulties cultivating relationship?

If your answer is 'yes' to some of these questions then you are likely the overbearing, egoistic, opinionated individual. Ouch! That really hurts right? When you are aggressive, people usually follows you not out of respect but because of your superiority.


The Negotiator1

It's Friday and you're looking forward to spending the night with your family when at around 5PM, your boss approaches you and asks you in a form of 'favor' to prepare and complete the report he needs for his Monday board meeting presentation. What do you think is your best option - saying 'yes, boss I can do it' because you think 'hmmm... this is my time to shine and prove to my boss I'm good at what I do'. So it's an added merits on you. Or would you out-rightly say 'no' because you are not confident you could finish the work on time?

If you say yes, then you are passive. If you just plainly say 'no boss, you should have told me earlier...' without offering alternatives, that makes you aggressive. The best approach is to say no, explain why and offer what you can do. Negotiate. Push back. Assure your boss you can deliver what you've committed. Be assertive!

Now, being assertive is not a case-to-case basis. You should be assertive at all times, 24/7! Assertiveness does not only apply on dealing with corporate bosses, colleagues and clients. It is something that we could effectively apply on our day-to-day decision-making.

However, being assertive could not guarantee that you could get whatever you want so avoid unreasonable expectations from others.


and I may add... The Extremist

A person who is absolutely passive can be an animal (overly aggressive) when his hot button is pressed. Watch out for this kind of person. Because they tend to use subtle sabotage to get even. They use sarcasm and often has facial expression that don't match how they feel (like smiling when angry). Always in denial of a problem but frequently mutters to themselves rather than confront the person or issue. They can switch on and off of both extremes: passive now and minutes later became aggressive. These are what we usually called 'ang hirap timplahin ng ugali'. If you are this kind of person, my advice is to seek for professional help.


Where do majority of Filipino stands? By nature, Filipinos are passive as clearly explained below:

- Filipinos are not comfortable at accepting direct compliments. For instance when someone compliments us on how good we look, our usual response is 'it's just the dress'. We could not openly accept compliment and admit that we really look good. Modesty aside, we could just have said 'thank you' and return the compliment.

I couldn't help but link this to a friend's post just to elaborate about how we Filipinos are so uncomfortable giving and receiving compliments.

- We became passive when we relate to elders out of respect. Even though we don't believe in what our elders are saying, because we regard them with respect, we affirm them.

- In work, we have difficulties relating upward preventing us from voicing out our concern. That is the reason why 'grapevine' is very common in our working environment.

- We tend to assume. We don't clarify questions. So often times, we find ourselves messed up in petty misunderstandings.

- We are a 'pleaser'. We try to please people (especially bosses) to earn extra merits so we end up being a 'yes man' thus compromising our other commitments.

The list could go long but these are the obvious I have observed so far and some are my personal experiences.

1 Description on the first three different styles of relating were excerpt from the Thursday discussion we had at our training - Essentials of Supervision (10/6/2011).

Part 1: Essentials of Supervision - Things I learned

What makes my work unbearable? It's when you need to face people you don't really like but you have no choice but to come up to them, paste a smile and pretend that everything between you and that person is fine.

I'm not really a people magnet. I had already accepted that fact over 10yrs ago. I knew I got no charisma in attracting people to like or listen to me. I learned that when back in high school, I ran for a position in a school body competition four times and ended up defeated four times as well. I never win when it comes to winning public vote. Maybe this is also the reason why I have few, chosen friends which I called the 'privileged ones'. Well, I am happy being with them because with them, I totally have no inhibitions!

The fact that I'm not good at winning people had me asking why I end up in the management position where I have to deal with every people in a team, some very difficult to handle in fact, delegate tasks, coordinate/corresponds with them, get something from them, get them going and making them work for the common objective. During one of my interviews, I was asked about what are my weaknesses. Without hesitations I pointed out that if there would be any tasks that I probably decline is to 'handle people'. People management is not really my cup of tea. I don't like politics. I hate dispute and I'm not a good in resolving conflicts. And somehow managing people would put me into situations where different people with different views/attitude would clash and I will be the go-between.

Second, I hate to point out negative side of one person, much more say it upfront, on their face and explaining to them the areas they need improvement. I'm not good at words and when I am nervous, I fumble for best things to say. It is easy to spot quantifiable elements of the team member's low performance but pointing out there faults at work and bringing these into the open and interpreting the measures and feedback to them without sounding so blunt is very difficult. With my current load, performing project appraisal is included on my job scope. When project ends, I would as much avoid doing the the PPA (project performance appraisal) but I know it would be unfair to my colleagues for several reasons: without preparing their PPA and giving feedback on how they carry out their tasks, how would they be able to perform better? How would they be able to meet the management's expectations? How can they become more mature? Lastly, how could I motivate them if I would just be passive and not talk about the best approach for them to excel?

Lastly, being in project management means 100% directing people. Bringing the best out of them. Training them. I can say I have patience when it comes to training and coaching people, I have already put myself into test on this matter as I am currently handling several interns on my project. However, the challenge lies when the person you're directing has longer tenure than you are. They are the roots and you are just a newbie. They have product knowledge why you have the experience on theories, methodologies and process. They been doing things the way they do it in years. How can you get them to listen to you? To believe in you? And to get them do things the way you want them to do without being too pushy or too lenient? I've been in this situation for more than a year now. And it is so exhausting. I've been in a tense state, so careful that I may not disappoint them. So conscious of my effort just to please them. But then I realized that's not the best approach. You won't gain any ounce of respect from these people if you bow down or be submissive on their ways. On the other hand, pushing and commanding people would not get you anywhere as well. Everything that is too much is not good. Best ways? I think need to adapt what Normal Dale of Hoosiers movie had done when he was employed as a new coach on a very conventional, closed-minded, basketball-lover people of Indiana. Here's some:

1. Have your own opinion and convictions. Be firm but polite and open. When others say yes, it doesn't mean you would follow through. Have your own stand and be firm with it.

2. State how you feel without apologizing, as long as this does not fringe on the rights of others. These people will be more aggressive when you state your feeling with an apologetic tone.

3. Ask for what you want, straightforward, without hesitation. And make it sound that you expect them to deliver it. Make it clear. One supervisor had said "when I say you should do this, please note that I really really would like you to start doing this...". That is clearly making a point.

4. Do not always worry the problem of others that won't directly affect your project's objective.

5. And the best one: choose how you will respond to a situation (someday, I would really love to blog something about this -- best ways to respond to a difficult situation).

Itemized pointers above were excerpts from the training discussion I attended today - Essentials of Supervision, I just expounded them.

Afterglow

82 days before Christmas. Time flies! Why couldn't we keep time from moving on? Why couldn't we just say the command 'freeze' and everything will freeze giving us a chance to linger? But if this is possible, do you think it would take the excitement out of life? I would think so.

There are spur-of-the-moment acts that made us giddy and giggly. Unexpected opportunities that almost made us tumble because the excitement is too unbearable for us. If the moment would be prolonged, don't you think the length of time would be able to sustain it? Excitement cease to exist when spoiled. And one spoiler is you staying in that moment longer when you need is to move on.

If we could freeze out the time, chances are we will all miss the fun and great opportunities the future could bring; we will not get to enjoy the best parts of life. Remember that life is not only about pleasant moments. The one that molds us into who we will become are the events that we usually dread to experience.

There are moments that we so wanted to last but we could not take hold of it. What's left is just an afterglow... but we could bask in it. Despite losing the actual moment, we are lucky enough that we have all been given with special gift - memories, that allow us to recall our pasts with smiles and tears in our eyes.

We could not get hold of everything. But we could at least try to get hold of what we could have. So we better make the most out of it.

Crossroad

My life is moving to a full twist right now. I felt like I'm imprisoned in an empty bottle and I'm seeing the cap twisting to its closing direction. I could not control it, I cannot cling onto the steep sides of the bottle to climb and come out. My love life is in jeopardy, not because of third party but because of me - my desire of finding something. My wedding was supposed to set by end of this year. But due to the unforeseen, it will be postponed to who knows when. I know now is one point in my life when I need the strength to hold on, to be there with him, and not to let go. For a reason I could not fully distinguish, I'm losing it. I'm guilty because I'm no longer fighting. But myself is trying to reason out, I've tried for years of waiting, hoping, pushing and I supposed my patience had reached it's maximum level. I'm tired and I just said "let's just go with the flow and see where will be heading. I'm tired of fighting, of always be on guard to make all of it work. And worst, I can no longer find the joy of doing what I had been doing years before". The other side of me reasons for him "I'm just expecting too much from him and that he's doing all the best he could do to make everything work as planned and it would be unfair for him if I just let go and leave him fighting alone."

My realizations: I wanted to be free and explore other possibilities. But I still want him to stand by for me. I know that unfairness is an understatement, this is selfishness. And I'm crying out for God on this part. I pray that He would give me wisdom to discern his will and guide me to it and have a sense of realization between what's valuable and worthless. That He would let me see the beauty of a person beyond skin-deep.

It is hard when you are at the crossroad and you need to choose to trudge only one path that would involve your future, your wants and dreams in life. If only you could choose both. If only you could just cling on to what have been were and not getting to a part of disarray and confusion. But life doesn't work that way; life is always about learning mistakes of the past and moving forward. Ah! Life is such a beautiful mess of yearnings, appealing options and false possibilities but you need to be fully aware of what you really wanted, and once you've already selected an option, you have to live with it as there would definitely no going back. You could not get to enjoy the best of both world.

Wish there's no office today...

I'm too early for my 8am meeting, been here quarter to 7. It's pouring heavy rain outside and strong winds are hurling. I'm waiting for at least one of office mates to show up, 7:15 here and usually they're early.

Typhoon Pedring is bawling outside, destructing whatever he could on his way to wherever his destination is!

Part 1: My Bucket List

Admit it, sometimes there are random questions in life that can simply be answered by yes or no but would left you dumbfounded and you end up processing that question at the back of your mind. The simple question now becomes your life's biggest puzzle. It would struck realizations in you, left a hole in your heart to fill in and worst make you wonder and ask the 'what ifs'.

One petty usual question that my friend had asked me during long breaks in the office was 'what's the craziest things you've done so far?'. Uhmmm... I never had an answer to it even after I spent hours pondering that question. Until I realized, I never did do crazy things because of my uptight upbringing. Just thinking of violating the house rules and how doing these foolish things would affect me made me feel jumpy and on edge. I never dated when I was in high school. I only started dating (with the only man I'm dating for years now) when I was graduating in college. Cutting classes, beer-drinking, smoking, late night outs or parties with girls, giggles and boisterous laughter in the street were never my thing. Not that I would like to do those stuff if given a chance to go back, but I've always been rigidly conventional that I had realized I never did live a life of fun experience! That my life had been oh-so-boring. That if someone would asked me to write an entry about the funniest and craziest things I had ever experienced, I'm pretty sure I could not even list one!

Considering that I'm gaining my years and on my way to mid life, these questions had me on thinking, make me want to do more, to dream big and explore life, its other options and possibilities that I never even thought of before.

For the past several months, I've been mentally noting down things that I really wanted to do and haven't had a chance, a time and a drive to do it. Please don't expect extremes because I know It's a little too late for me to try extreme stuff. I'm not a risk-taker and I don't want to strangle my life with complications if ever I step out of my boundaries and limits which include and not limited to beer-drinking, smoking and going out with stranger.

Here now is my top ten wanna do list (in order of difficulties, 10 the easiest and 1 being the most difficult). I am targeting to accomplish all, except for some that requires budget, in two months. The countdown starts today, Sunday September 25, 2011.

Why the two months time frame? Because I am only free and single within the next two months. So that means the item #10 on my list should be marked as crossed:

10. Take two months break of being a girlfriend

9. Go to a movie house and watch a date movie alone.

8. Take a bus somewhere south with no definite destination and alone (I live north of Luzon that is why I choose to go South).

7. For just once, I want to know how it feels to get drunk. Super super drunk. I just need a trusted girl friend to accompany me. So I need an accomplice on this one :)

6. Watch sunset on a Saturday -- and alone again!

5. Have a retreat -- I never done retreat for over 10 years now.

4. Have my own fashion statement -- i can do this but I need to change my wardrobe. Changing my wardrobe would mean 'money' so it might take a while before I could achieve this one.

3. Volunteer work -- I've already inquired at our local church, maybe I could assist at kid's Sunday service.

2. Learn another language, Japanese or Spanish maybe --- this has monetary value, I could only start working on it within two months but it would be impossible for me to achieve it within the 60 days period.

1. Spill out something on someone. This is my top 1, the most difficult and I'm not sure if I have the guts to do it. But I will keep it on my list for now. If I never had the guts to, then I will take this bungee jumping at SM mall as replacement -- I noticed only teenagers are doing this bungee jumping, I wonder why no adults are trying it?

So there it goes, wish me good luck on trying my list of some-not-so-foolish-things compared to yours :)

P.S. I have changed the title to make it more appropriate. And right now I am having second thoughts on doing my top rank! I'm not talking about the bungee jumping. I realized my top 1 may not be smart at all.

For the love of work

"You do your best work if you do a job that makes you happy."

Why this line so much caught my attention? For the sole reason that my current job had snatched me away from the things that I learn to love doing for the past three years, that includes this, blog writing. Not to mention my job somehow keeps me from doing some of my usual stuff like going to a mall for a window shop, or meeting with friends for a jog around the corner, or going to salon for a regular haircut... just like today! I am supposed to be out of the office as early as six pm and rush to a nearby decent salon to have a haircut but I'm stuck between demands and urgency of my work.

I did not post this to rant and fuss over a haircut that was missed. There's no use to rant, none at all, after all the years I've spent on this industry, where most people sat in front of their monitor for hours without even blinking an eye, where at some turn of unexpected events, people will be obliged to extend time beyond 8hrs and worst, stay 24hrs just to deliver what was committed to the client. I'm used to this but at some point I felt the routine tedious. And if not because I enjoy the job, I would just love to quit.

I love my job. I love my job. Does it sound like a chant? For some, maybe. But I just would like to stress more on the thought when you really enjoy what you are doing, when you really find joys on things however big or small, simple or complicated, you will feel blessed. Not to mention the gratification you'll get from it when your effort gets noticed.

I don't know why everyone keeps on complaining about the complexities and demands of their job when the simplest and best way to end their 'so called' misery is to just quit. You know, when you think you're no longer happy and all you've got is resentment, then leave, move forward. It's not healthy to stay when you no longer see the purpose why you're staying, when you no longer see what's the company/job has in store for your future. When you think you have already reached your maximum potential or that there's something preventing you from working out your capability, you might as well consider it as a go signal to look for a greener pasture. Don't spread out the bad vibes, keep it to yourself.

When everyone is asking why I'm still here, I just say I'm still good. But at the back of my mind, I do ponder some thoughts: I'm still here because...

- every morning, I woke up and found out I'm still thrilled with the thought of going to office (the excitement is still there)

- i think of my to do list

- i look forward to accomplish these tasks on my list

Enjoying your work makes it effortless. Loving your work always makes you put your best foot forward.

False Alarm

I'm trying to revive my blog and taking advantage of every little time I've got amidst hectic schedule but the only chance I could get is when almost everyone in the office is leaving and I too felt the need to rush out.

By this time, picture me sitting in the middle of the office room, surrounded by empty working cubicles. Aircon is off and ALL ligths are on. My head swells. I'm feeling like my hair is standing on end. I'm wiggling my toes... I'm looking away from the mirror on my table thinking I might see ghostly reflections. Aside from the noise I'm producing because I'm typing this as hard and fast as I can, there is an occassional tapping sound on the keyboard on one of the cubicle at my farthest right. I'm hearing noises at my back, sound like the filing cabinet is being opened. Someone is like shuffling papers at the printer. Gosh!! Are these all my imaginations?

I must leave but I can't. I need to finish the installation of this application. Of all the good times, why this installation is taking so long now! I need to check this one damn, tricky bug so come Monday, this will be no longer on my to do list - one off the load. Oh, What the heck!!! I'm hearing footsteps! ***Sigh*** Goosebumps!

It's my officemate, thank God! Wait!!! Is he really??? I called his name, oh yes he did respond. Gulp, I can breath now. He'll be staying till 10pm. Whoaa!

Sayonara onee-san

I don't want to make it a habit that every time I have a time to update this blog, I bring in sad stories. Maybe because I'm down and sad, and thoughts keep on pestering me that I need to find a way to discharge it. And writing down is just the easiest it is like applying a balm to my aching heart.

Some says it is hard being the one to leave but it is harder being the one who stays. For me, what's most disturbing is not knowing, even a hint, the reason of someone's decision to just 'pop' and disappear. But the aching part here, is that a person you have learned to love decided to took her life and walk out of everyone's life forever. No more seeing her face, no more hearing her laughter, no more feeling her as you walk hand in hand.

The things that you can do when such tragedy happens is to just hold on to happy memories. The resentment if there might have been, the misunderstanding if it existed all forgotten. Ironic, because when a person is gone that is the only time that one realizes that person's importance, all the good things done will be remembered. Misdoings all forgiven.

Though I don't have any resentment and don't recall any misunderstanding, but the part that I'm guilty about is that I had kept my distance. If I tried a harder, will it be a little different?

To my onee-san, even though I have just known you in a little while, I'd still have my memory of you. You've loved my mother and that was the reason why I looked up to you. To you, sayonara.

And forgive me if I'm questioning you over something I don't have the right to ask and for doubting you. I don't know your dilemma. I don't have any idea of what you've been thru. And for that... gomensai...

Sayonara onee-san :(

The Look

Being beautiful is a desire that almost everyone so wanted to accomplished. Though physical beauty is a God-given gift, it can surely be enhanced. One just needs to pay attention on his/her appearance. Like for us women, merely by using cosmetics, we can increase our attractiveness. Physical beauty is just as important as character is and how people see you physically during first meeting will likely imprint an impression on you. Remember... read more

and don't forget to press the like button ;)

Inward Reflection

God doesn't play dice. When He created me, He was looking at a bigger picture. He was looking at the future. I have a little significant purpose that is why I am here. I may feel my life is just following a wandering course, it is because I have yet to understand or realize the reason of my existence.

Today is my second day of reading The Purpose Driven Life book. Reading this book was an overdue plan made into action when during our Christmas exchange gift, we were required to give a wish-list worth at least 500 pesos. I could not think of anything but the pepper spray (for self-defense) amounting to 300 pesos and this book, the Purpose Driven Life at 225 pesos.

Since before I've been questioning God why I was born this way. Honestly, I am not fully satisfied at how I physically look. I don't like my built, I'm petite and always been a victim of ridicule. Sometimes, it is the root of my diffidence. But since high school till then I learned to stand and face those bouts of life. I became sturdy instead of vulnerable. I became flexible. I've got insecurities and whenever this feeling strikes, I always remind myself to be happy of what I got and to look at my positive traits. See what God had made me? I developed a strong personality.

God prescribed every single detail of your body. He deliberately chose your race, the color of your skin, your hair and every other feature...

My petite figure is definitely not a mistake. Whenever I overcome insecurities and whenever somebody praises me for the beauty they'd seen in me, I tend to show feelings of unwarranted importance because of overbearing pride. I struggle inside to suppress that exuberance. But my friends or acquaintances, they may have their own observations and thoughts. I may felt or convinced myself that I had suppressed that pride but I may unknowingly acted just the opposite. And I'm not happy about that. My petite figure is not a mistake or accident. God knows if He had given me a perfect figure, I may not learned how to appreciate what I have, to be considerate of the feelings of others and to be humble. The way I am is purposely given by God to bend me to someone pleasing to Him. Right now, I'm not saying I am perfectly humble, deep inside I'm restraining that pride but I am trying to be humble with no sense of excessive self-respect.

Everything we posses has its intended purpose that molds us into who we will become.

I should have not posted this, this is my inward reflection and I initially intend to silently keep it in me. But I just would like to share it so that anyone who feel like he's somebody would start thinking how to bring down his inflated feeling of pride, his feeling of superiority and just learn to be modest and appreciate what others have without the grudging admiration.