Sayonara onee-san

I don't want to make it a habit that every time I have a time to update this blog, I bring in sad stories. Maybe because I'm down and sad, and thoughts keep on pestering me that I need to find a way to discharge it. And writing down is just the easiest it is like applying a balm to my aching heart.

Some says it is hard being the one to leave but it is harder being the one who stays. For me, what's most disturbing is not knowing, even a hint, the reason of someone's decision to just 'pop' and disappear. But the aching part here, is that a person you have learned to love decided to took her life and walk out of everyone's life forever. No more seeing her face, no more hearing her laughter, no more feeling her as you walk hand in hand.

The things that you can do when such tragedy happens is to just hold on to happy memories. The resentment if there might have been, the misunderstanding if it existed all forgotten. Ironic, because when a person is gone that is the only time that one realizes that person's importance, all the good things done will be remembered. Misdoings all forgiven.

Though I don't have any resentment and don't recall any misunderstanding, but the part that I'm guilty about is that I had kept my distance. If I tried a harder, will it be a little different?

To my onee-san, even though I have just known you in a little while, I'd still have my memory of you. You've loved my mother and that was the reason why I looked up to you. To you, sayonara.

And forgive me if I'm questioning you over something I don't have the right to ask and for doubting you. I don't know your dilemma. I don't have any idea of what you've been thru. And for that... gomensai...

Sayonara onee-san :(

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