The ten years are over

Once upon a time, when this girl was just 17, she’d outlined a plan of having her dreams achieved within the next ten years. The future ‘ten years’ were comprised of lucid but distant images forming within the confined of her head. A girl with an eagerness to make her life better and with sense, she’d focused her attention to continue her one track journey to a future that is still so unpredictable.

In her mind ran picturesque dreams of what she wanted her life to be. In her dreams, it was very easy to arrange everything according to plan without encountering complications, disputes, consequences of her every actions, troubles, and the antagonists – to whom she will be dealing with later on in her life.

Her pensive thoughts and her passion for life affected her disposition, her control to direct her life according to what she wanted and not to what her immediate kin dictated. Her personality, I may say, is both defined and authoritative – very classical which just made her more sturdy and determined.

One by one and slowly, the leaf of the ‘ten years’ were flipped open. The vivid dreams she had had were painted but on these pages the images were altered and lots of settings were added. The people she’d hope she’d be with were no where in sight. The happenings that she’d never dream of occurring come to pass. At some point, there were mishaps and her messing up of her life. It was never perfect. She took the wrong move. She trudged a wrong turn. She’d reacted to people in a wrong way, misjudged some instead of trusting them and trusted some when she should not have. The life that she intended to be differs from the one she’d drawn in her memory. But in totality, all of it was never frustrating. All of it comes down to a life’s lesson brought by experience in her years.

Sometimes, this girl has this yearning of coming back to that past to re-paint her dreams, alter some and restart again to efface all the unpleasant things that happened and to make right of all her mistakes. But no, this time she knows better. She is now aware of the truth that in reality, everything is far from perfect and each action results to a series of consequences. Consequences that may either be a major break through or a downfall. No matter how she would like to change the past, unpleasant things are always bound to happen. No matter how she wanted to have every thing in place, her decision, outlook in life and attitude will always affect the outcome. Not to mention that she also cherished all the memories of people she’d met unexpectedly and the lessons that came with her every wrong decision.

This post is dedicated for her 27th birthday. The age that she’d hoped all her dreams will be realized. Tomorrow will mark the end of the ‘ten year’ margin she’d set for herself to accomplish her goals. In some way she feels like celebrating because somehow her ten years had been fruitful. On the other hand, she is feeling a lump in her throat whenever a thought struck that the ten years had already ended.

... And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It is the life in your years that matters.

Change and Goodbye

Notice the What's New section on my side bar? It's been there for quiet some time now. And I'm glad that I was able to snatch a moment to give further details about what's really going on with me for the past more than a month of I will say a little bit of stuggles in decision-making, career plan and financial management. Did I say a bit? I guess I am just being modest.


If you happen to read my post about my career realization here and here, you will really understand what I've been through.

The last quarter of year 2009, I was hot in pursuing other better job opportunities. What really makes me want to get out of my current shell are probably the same reasons most of you have - growth, challenges and change. After almost four years of staying without an attempt for any job application, the job hunting seems like a new experience to me. It feels like I'm a fresh grad just starting to discover a career except that now I am capable of thinking and expressing myself in a clear and consistent manner plus the fact that I already have experience compared to the one just starting to establish a career.

My struggle was not really in finding the job but in selecting which job I should take on. Early December, I had to think over the two equally better job opportunity knocking at my door. The one offers the technical exposure that I've been wanting for my over five years of doing software testing. While the other offers something different. Though the context is still a software testing, it is more on networks and technical configuration of routers. Both offers growth, challenge and change. Both offer good compensation. However it is the latter that offers better benefits and this really add to my confusion. It was really the first one I was eyeing but when the second offer comes in, I had a change of heart.

What follows was a long sleepless night because I know I had to make a decision come morning. After some pondering moments, I gave up my first choice and opted for the second one. I never thought it would be that hard turning down an offer that is also good plus giving an explanation to a person who in the first place had given me a favor. It was really consuming my mind thinking of best words to say so I won't cause any offenses.

What was next will be my confrontation of myself, the reluctant feeling of leaving and moving on. On my outer self is a composed one, very firm in my decision to pursue career development and challenge. But my inner self is leaning into the emotional side. To think that my almost four long years of stay were spent in a company of people and were consisted of happy thoughts, bonding moments and fun and comfort. I am really at ease if not only for the demands of time and change, I will be glad to stay. I know I have worked with some of most amazing and excellent people; people whom I had a different perception; perception that I realized was wrong once I started working with them; realization that had changed me somehow, professionally better.

Now, I am reluctantly counting the days. I somehow dread my first day of starting on my new company. It's the fright of knowing I will be working with a different set of people whom I didn't know. I will again go through another adjustment phase and I am crossing my fingers my stay with them will also be as best and memorable as my stay with my current company.

To everyone that I have worked with, shared a laugh, sentiments and insights with. To everyone who believed in me. My deepest gratitude are yours.

P.S. I am also crossing my fingers that my new company is not strict in implementing their internet connection policy. I hope I can still continue my blogging in between breaks :)