On Breaking Up and Moving On

Why is that most of the guys I happened to encounter lately are, apology for my term but this I think would best describe them, -- chicken!

How would you call a guy who you've fallen in love with, whom you stayed in love with for years, whom you expect to go on loving for years to come, will just be gone like a bubble disappearing in thin air without any word leaving someone in a limbo

Coward!

I haven't been in the position of a woman being left behind but I can't help it but feel my friend's recent torment. A breakup, where two people agreed to set part ways can still be emotionally painful but when a relationship has come to an end without you knowing the reason behind why it happened, it can be distressing.

An advice to any guys out there who wanted so much to get out in a relationship but doesn't know how to do it, don't just leave your woman hanging. You are just hurting her more. Don't be so chicken that you just think and decide "it's alright, she can easily forget me". Knowing a woman, she'll keep on asking why and will not be fully appeased until she got an answer. Worst, she'll be afraid to re-establish another relationship. Have a courage to talk to her and say what you really mean to say. If it's breaking free with the relationship, let her be the first to know. And end it in person not thru emails, texts or phone calls. Have the decency to say it to her face.

For girls, surely you can move on. This is not the end of world for you yet. If a guy wants out he means it and for you wanting to go back into a relationship with this person likely won't change the fact that he does not want it anymore.

If a guy left you without a word of hint and you keep on thinking about why's and what ifs, then seek a formal closure. Don't be afraid to ask for a meeting and say your final goodbye. Remember that the purpose of your meeting is to end the relationship so don't hope and try to patch things up with him. When you're done, move on with your life. It is normal that at first you'll feel the pain each time you think of him and your days together. How to deal life when you're hurting? I always advice a friend to do some makeover but not for the purspose of winning back the guy but to gain the confidence she had lost. Focus your attention to your job, enjoy being free. But never jump into another relationship unless you're all healed and ready to love again. Look for someone who knows how to appreciate you. Don't settle for something less.

Closure: Why is it really important to have this even for past relationship?

Here's an explanation I found which I like most:

Why look back?
Chapman: If you move out of a relationship without resolving past relationship hurts, disappointments and failures, you may hamper your ability to be open, to trust, to engage or to be close and honest. The moment you get into another relationship, these issues tend to arise. In fact, most of the problems that people have in relationships come from "unfinished business" from prior relationships.

And another one, how to let go of exes without needing closure

My wish to this friend of mine is a fast healing process and a love that she is wishing to be hers forever.

P.S.

It feels good to be writing again! Glad that the inspiration struck me today and had the time to entertain this pleasure of writing.

Life's uncanny twist

Life is composed of good and bad jokes. Jokes that are real, are happening and are meant to knock you down big time! Jokes that will mold you into who you will become as years go by.

It is the 'bad jokes' really that makes a life all worth living. Unpleasant jokes are the ones that leave marks into our being. When you happen to take a flash back at your earlier life, you would recall those but the recollection will just make you smile and wonder how in the world you were able to surpass those great trials.

I have a friend who happened to have her most unpleasant joke in her entire life so far and it took place yesterday. Her bad fortune yesterday might not be at its highest peak yet but this one really knocked her down. I can relate to her situation because I happened to be in her shoes a month ago when I had dealt with the possibility of my being an instant jobless.

She applied for this global company where all her abilities are put into test: her memory and adeptness, patience, health and her financial conditions as well. But she'd overcome it all except for the one thing that is beyond her control. Once she's in with the company, she will be sent abroad for a required training, for chartered accounting I guess. Thus, passport is one of the most important and a must requirement and she have not applied for one yet.

Passport application here in the Philippine is one of the greatest challenge for every Filipino. If you want to have your application submitted in a day, you'll have to wake up very early and line up your ass at DFA at a wee hour or to be specific, be there as early as 3AM so you could grab a slot. If you're late you'll end up standing at the line's tail 'til your foot sore and if you're not lucky enough, head home without being accommodate because DFA had already filled out their slots for the day.

Being ill, she decided against lining up herself waiting for her slot number to be called. She went to some agency, filed for an expedite passport application, agency promising her to have her passport in no less than 10days, paid 1300.00 or something closer to that amount and wait. The company she'd applied to on the other hand never did falter doing their follow ups of her passport. Now and then she'd received a call, a text, an email, a call again asking the status of her passport application and if there is already a feedback of its release date.

Today, March 8, 2010 is supposedly her first day at her new company. Yesterday, her luck went down. The company called and canceled her employment all because she could not provide her passport's release date. This, I thought, is a total zero consideration though I understand they have every right to turn down her employment. The agency gave no further details on the release date but just keep on assuring her they're working on it.

The release date is just what the company is asking. The agency was not able to provide it. DFA is transferring their office which will affect the processing of passport application. Being assured of the employment since she'd already signed a job offer sheet, she'd submitted her immediate resignation and already served her last day at her previous company last Friday thus making her today an instant jobless.

Wrong move? Or is it just the twist of fate? Conflicts entangled as if, if one conflict is solved, one is simply designed to be there to prevent her from getting the job she had so aspired. It seems like there is unseen reason to it all. Well, being an instant jobless does not mean an end of the world for her but putting up all her strength and hope to this 'job of her dreams' and having to exert all effort that it totally felt like she was fast-flying, broke her wings, somersault into the
air and 'splat!' suddenly hit the floor, helpless. I understood her bawling.

And to think of it all, the job is already an inch-away and she could already have it, its becoming positive that she could feel it and even I already had wish her luck for her new found job. Only the fate intervene as if everything that happened for the past two weeks of her application dilemma were all but a joke. A bad joke. A bad dream. The pleasing feeling of nearly-acquiring it returns a bitterly disappointment.

As we try to alleviate her grief (strong word but the only exact word I could think of to describe her bellowing), we could only think of something: a reason for it is yet to be understood. We'd tried to shift her focus on small positive things that happened like she'd already completed her requirements and applying for another job would mean less effort and time arranging for those papers not to mention she just got a call from a prestigious company considering her application.

We made funny comments just to lighten up the moods and somehow our unhappy chats drifted to a jovial conversation. We jokingly said we could share her our happy meals consisted of noodles, breads and oat meals. Then I told her, 'don't worry time will come that when you look back you'll find humor in this'. Adding up, 'sometimes bad thing leads to a breakthrough, you just never know.

Yes I'd said life is composed of bad and good jokes. But let me stress on this, life itself is not a joke for it is brought into purpose. Yes, the choices we made decide our fate which partially means we are basically in control of the things we would like to achieve. But ironically there is always this divine intervention that however we tried, there are things beyond our control making it impossible to reach that choice we so wanted.

It's Positive!!!

Before end of yesterday, I received two phone calls. An invitation for an interview scheduled within next week. Guess what? Those phone calls came from two of the prestigious, multi-national company: Accenture and Lawson! But it wasn't the chance of exploring opportunities with them that delighted me yesterday. It was the hope that came with those calls. Yes, those two companies were the ones I was eyeing on my previous job applications. Myself was appeased thinking if these companies are considering me regardless of my course, then why not the company I was about to join this Monday? My hope was rekindled. At last, I won't end up bumming around for God knows how long.

Then the night came. Sleep was scarce. I felt the tension again. It seems the renewed hope I just had earlier was flickering. Morning came and I received a text message from my headhunter instructing me to check my mail. I was hoping for a positive feedback but I don't want to set my expectation to something that I know will just disappoint me so I was thinking the other way around. I was really feeling butterflies on my stomach while I was on my way to office. If I could only have wings on my heels then I, by all odds, flew over Ayala just to reach my desk, open my computer and check my yahoo mail.

I was really praying and God again this time expedite the answers. There in my monitor the lines read: "...that would be fine and no conflict on her end since she is qualified for that position based on her work experience..."

I was just so happy and just murmured a thank you to Him.

I'm scanning my memory for what happened these past few days. I remember those phone calls. I realize just when I was feeling dejected, God made something happen through other people. By receiving that phone call, it helped me to be able to see through dark clouds with revived hope and a disposition that no matter what the result is, there are still better options for me to choose from.

And really, when it rain it pours! Because after reading that mail, I received a message from an overseas friend telling me that she was able to purchase the book I was hoping to buy online. And she is going to ship it within 4 to 14 days. Can't wait! Thanks Ferly. I know you're not reading my blog but just the same, thank you again. That book will help me in my next career project - acquiring an ISEB certification, hopefully.

Now I am just looking forward to Monday, my first day to this new endeavor. I am glad everyone is wishing me luck. Their encouragement is already a strong shield for me against whatever challenges I might face with this new work.

New work, new challenges. Higher position comes with greater responsibilities. Greater responsibilities come with greater risks. So help me God :)