What makes my work unbearable? It's when you need to face people you don't really like but you have no choice but to come up to them, paste a smile and pretend that everything between you and that person is fine.
I'm not really a people magnet. I had already accepted that fact over 10yrs ago. I knew I got no charisma in attracting people to like or listen to me. I learned that when back in high school, I ran for a position in a school body competition four times and ended up defeated four times as well. I never win when it comes to winning public vote. Maybe this is also the reason why I have few, chosen friends which I called the 'privileged ones'. Well, I am happy being with them because with them, I totally have no inhibitions!
The fact that I'm not good at winning people had me asking why I end up in the management position where I have to deal with every people in a team, some very difficult to handle in fact, delegate tasks, coordinate/corresponds with them, get something from them, get them going and making them work for the common objective. During one of my interviews, I was asked about what are my weaknesses. Without hesitations I pointed out that if there would be any tasks that I probably decline is to 'handle people'. People management is not really my cup of tea. I don't like politics. I hate dispute and I'm not a good in resolving conflicts. And somehow managing people would put me into situations where different people with different views/attitude would clash and I will be the go-between.
Second, I hate to point out negative side of one person, much more say it upfront, on their face and explaining to them the areas they need improvement. I'm not good at words and when I am nervous, I fumble for best things to say. It is easy to spot quantifiable elements of the team member's low performance but pointing out there faults at work and bringing these into the open and interpreting the measures and feedback to them without sounding so blunt is very difficult. With my current load, performing project appraisal is included on my job scope. When project ends, I would as much avoid doing the the PPA (project performance appraisal) but I know it would be unfair to my colleagues for several reasons: without preparing their PPA and giving feedback on how they carry out their tasks, how would they be able to perform better? How would they be able to meet the management's expectations? How can they become more mature? Lastly, how could I motivate them if I would just be passive and not talk about the best approach for them to excel?
Lastly, being in project management means 100% directing people. Bringing the best out of them. Training them. I can say I have patience when it comes to training and coaching people, I have already put myself into test on this matter as I am currently handling several interns on my project. However, the challenge lies when the person you're directing has longer tenure than you are. They are the roots and you are just a newbie. They have product knowledge why you have the experience on theories, methodologies and process. They been doing things the way they do it in years. How can you get them to listen to you? To believe in you? And to get them do things the way you want them to do without being too pushy or too lenient? I've been in this situation for more than a year now. And it is so exhausting. I've been in a tense state, so careful that I may not disappoint them. So conscious of my effort just to please them. But then I realized that's not the best approach. You won't gain any ounce of respect from these people if you bow down or be submissive on their ways. On the other hand, pushing and commanding people would not get you anywhere as well. Everything that is too much is not good. Best ways? I think need to adapt what Normal Dale of Hoosiers movie had done when he was employed as a new coach on a very conventional, closed-minded, basketball-lover people of Indiana. Here's some:
1. Have your own opinion and convictions. Be firm but polite and open. When others say yes, it doesn't mean you would follow through. Have your own stand and be firm with it.
2. State how you feel without apologizing, as long as this does not fringe on the rights of others. These people will be more aggressive when you state your feeling with an apologetic tone.
3. Ask for what you want, straightforward, without hesitation. And make it sound that you expect them to deliver it. Make it clear. One supervisor had said "when I say you should do this, please note that I really really would like you to start doing this...". That is clearly making a point.
4. Do not always worry the problem of others that won't directly affect your project's objective.
5. And the best one: choose how you will respond to a situation (someday, I would really love to blog something about this -- best ways to respond to a difficult situation).
Itemized pointers above were excerpts from the training discussion I attended today - Essentials of Supervision, I just expounded them.
Afterglow
82 days before Christmas. Time flies! Why couldn't we keep time from moving on? Why couldn't we just say the command 'freeze' and everything will freeze giving us a chance to linger? But if this is possible, do you think it would take the excitement out of life? I would think so.
There are spur-of-the-moment acts that made us giddy and giggly. Unexpected opportunities that almost made us tumble because the excitement is too unbearable for us. If the moment would be prolonged, don't you think the length of time would be able to sustain it? Excitement cease to exist when spoiled. And one spoiler is you staying in that moment longer when you need is to move on.
If we could freeze out the time, chances are we will all miss the fun and great opportunities the future could bring; we will not get to enjoy the best parts of life. Remember that life is not only about pleasant moments. The one that molds us into who we will become are the events that we usually dread to experience.
There are moments that we so wanted to last but we could not take hold of it. What's left is just an afterglow... but we could bask in it. Despite losing the actual moment, we are lucky enough that we have all been given with special gift - memories, that allow us to recall our pasts with smiles and tears in our eyes.
We could not get hold of everything. But we could at least try to get hold of what we could have. So we better make the most out of it.
Crossroad
My life is moving to a full twist right now. I felt like I'm imprisoned in an empty bottle and I'm seeing the cap twisting to its closing direction. I could not control it, I cannot cling onto the steep sides of the bottle to climb and come out. My love life is in jeopardy, not because of third party but because of me - my desire of finding something. My wedding was supposed to set by end of this year. But due to the unforeseen, it will be postponed to who knows when. I know now is one point in my life when I need the strength to hold on, to be there with him, and not to let go. For a reason I could not fully distinguish, I'm losing it. I'm guilty because I'm no longer fighting. But myself is trying to reason out, I've tried for years of waiting, hoping, pushing and I supposed my patience had reached it's maximum level. I'm tired and I just said "let's just go with the flow and see where will be heading. I'm tired of fighting, of always be on guard to make all of it work. And worst, I can no longer find the joy of doing what I had been doing years before". The other side of me reasons for him "I'm just expecting too much from him and that he's doing all the best he could do to make everything work as planned and it would be unfair for him if I just let go and leave him fighting alone."
My realizations: I wanted to be free and explore other possibilities. But I still want him to stand by for me. I know that unfairness is an understatement, this is selfishness. And I'm crying out for God on this part. I pray that He would give me wisdom to discern his will and guide me to it and have a sense of realization between what's valuable and worthless. That He would let me see the beauty of a person beyond skin-deep.
It is hard when you are at the crossroad and you need to choose to trudge only one path that would involve your future, your wants and dreams in life. If only you could choose both. If only you could just cling on to what have been were and not getting to a part of disarray and confusion. But life doesn't work that way; life is always about learning mistakes of the past and moving forward. Ah! Life is such a beautiful mess of yearnings, appealing options and false possibilities but you need to be fully aware of what you really wanted, and once you've already selected an option, you have to live with it as there would definitely no going back. You could not get to enjoy the best of both world.
My realizations: I wanted to be free and explore other possibilities. But I still want him to stand by for me. I know that unfairness is an understatement, this is selfishness. And I'm crying out for God on this part. I pray that He would give me wisdom to discern his will and guide me to it and have a sense of realization between what's valuable and worthless. That He would let me see the beauty of a person beyond skin-deep.
It is hard when you are at the crossroad and you need to choose to trudge only one path that would involve your future, your wants and dreams in life. If only you could choose both. If only you could just cling on to what have been were and not getting to a part of disarray and confusion. But life doesn't work that way; life is always about learning mistakes of the past and moving forward. Ah! Life is such a beautiful mess of yearnings, appealing options and false possibilities but you need to be fully aware of what you really wanted, and once you've already selected an option, you have to live with it as there would definitely no going back. You could not get to enjoy the best of both world.
Wish there's no office today...
I'm too early for my 8am meeting, been here quarter to 7. It's pouring heavy rain outside and strong winds are hurling. I'm waiting for at least one of office mates to show up, 7:15 here and usually they're early.
Typhoon Pedring is bawling outside, destructing whatever he could on his way to wherever his destination is!
Typhoon Pedring is bawling outside, destructing whatever he could on his way to wherever his destination is!
Part 1: My Bucket List
Admit it, sometimes there are random questions in life that can simply be answered by yes or no but would left you dumbfounded and you end up processing that question at the back of your mind. The simple question now becomes your life's biggest puzzle. It would struck realizations in you, left a hole in your heart to fill in and worst make you wonder and ask the 'what ifs'.
One petty usual question that my friend had asked me during long breaks in the office was 'what's the craziest things you've done so far?'. Uhmmm... I never had an answer to it even after I spent hours pondering that question. Until I realized, I never did do crazy things because of my uptight upbringing. Just thinking of violating the house rules and how doing these foolish things would affect me made me feel jumpy and on edge. I never dated when I was in high school. I only started dating (with the only man I'm dating for years now) when I was graduating in college. Cutting classes, beer-drinking, smoking, late night outs or parties with girls, giggles and boisterous laughter in the street were never my thing. Not that I would like to do those stuff if given a chance to go back, but I've always been rigidly conventional that I had realized I never did live a life of fun experience! That my life had been oh-so-boring. That if someone would asked me to write an entry about the funniest and craziest things I had ever experienced, I'm pretty sure I could not even list one!
Considering that I'm gaining my years and on my way to mid life, these questions had me on thinking, make me want to do more, to dream big and explore life, its other options and possibilities that I never even thought of before.
For the past several months, I've been mentally noting down things that I really wanted to do and haven't had a chance, a time and a drive to do it. Please don't expect extremes because I know It's a little too late for me to try extreme stuff. I'm not a risk-taker and I don't want to strangle my life with complications if ever I step out of my boundaries and limits which include and not limited to beer-drinking, smoking and going out with stranger.
Here now is my top ten wanna do list (in order of difficulties, 10 the easiest and 1 being the most difficult). I am targeting to accomplish all, except for some that requires budget, in two months. The countdown starts today, Sunday September 25, 2011.
Why the two months time frame? Because I am only free and single within the next two months. So that means the item #10 on my list should be marked as crossed:
10. Take two months break of being a girlfriend
9. Go to a movie house and watch a date movie alone.
8. Take a bus somewhere south with no definite destination and alone (I live north of Luzon that is why I choose to go South).
7. For just once, I want to know how it feels to get drunk. Super super drunk. I just need a trusted girl friend to accompany me. So I need an accomplice on this one :)
6. Watch sunset on a Saturday -- and alone again!
5. Have a retreat -- I never done retreat for over 10 years now.
4. Have my own fashion statement -- i can do this but I need to change my wardrobe. Changing my wardrobe would mean 'money' so it might take a while before I could achieve this one.
3. Volunteer work -- I've already inquired at our local church, maybe I could assist at kid's Sunday service.
2. Learn another language, Japanese or Spanish maybe --- this has monetary value, I could only start working on it within two months but it would be impossible for me to achieve it within the 60 days period.
1. Spill out something on someone. This is my top 1, the most difficult and I'm not sure if I have the guts to do it. But I will keep it on my list for now.If I never had the guts to, then I will take this bungee jumping at SM mall as replacement -- I noticed only teenagers are doing this bungee jumping, I wonder why no adults are trying it?
So there it goes, wish me good luck on trying my list of some-not-so-foolish-things compared to yours :)
P.S. I have changed the title to make it more appropriate. And right now I am having second thoughts on doing my top rank! I'm not talking about the bungee jumping. I realized my top 1 may not be smart at all.
One petty usual question that my friend had asked me during long breaks in the office was 'what's the craziest things you've done so far?'. Uhmmm... I never had an answer to it even after I spent hours pondering that question. Until I realized, I never did do crazy things because of my uptight upbringing. Just thinking of violating the house rules and how doing these foolish things would affect me made me feel jumpy and on edge. I never dated when I was in high school. I only started dating (with the only man I'm dating for years now) when I was graduating in college. Cutting classes, beer-drinking, smoking, late night outs or parties with girls, giggles and boisterous laughter in the street were never my thing. Not that I would like to do those stuff if given a chance to go back, but I've always been rigidly conventional that I had realized I never did live a life of fun experience! That my life had been oh-so-boring. That if someone would asked me to write an entry about the funniest and craziest things I had ever experienced, I'm pretty sure I could not even list one!
Considering that I'm gaining my years and on my way to mid life, these questions had me on thinking, make me want to do more, to dream big and explore life, its other options and possibilities that I never even thought of before.
For the past several months, I've been mentally noting down things that I really wanted to do and haven't had a chance, a time and a drive to do it. Please don't expect extremes because I know It's a little too late for me to try extreme stuff. I'm not a risk-taker and I don't want to strangle my life with complications if ever I step out of my boundaries and limits which include and not limited to beer-drinking, smoking and going out with stranger.
Here now is my top ten wanna do list (in order of difficulties, 10 the easiest and 1 being the most difficult). I am targeting to accomplish all, except for some that requires budget, in two months. The countdown starts today, Sunday September 25, 2011.
Why the two months time frame? Because I am only free and single within the next two months. So that means the item #10 on my list should be marked as crossed:
10. Take two months break of being a girlfriend
9. Go to a movie house and watch a date movie alone.
8. Take a bus somewhere south with no definite destination and alone (I live north of Luzon that is why I choose to go South).
7. For just once, I want to know how it feels to get drunk. Super super drunk. I just need a trusted girl friend to accompany me. So I need an accomplice on this one :)
6. Watch sunset on a Saturday -- and alone again!
5. Have a retreat -- I never done retreat for over 10 years now.
4. Have my own fashion statement -- i can do this but I need to change my wardrobe. Changing my wardrobe would mean 'money' so it might take a while before I could achieve this one.
3. Volunteer work -- I've already inquired at our local church, maybe I could assist at kid's Sunday service.
2. Learn another language, Japanese or Spanish maybe --- this has monetary value, I could only start working on it within two months but it would be impossible for me to achieve it within the 60 days period.
1. Spill out something on someone. This is my top 1, the most difficult and I'm not sure if I have the guts to do it. But I will keep it on my list for now.
So there it goes, wish me good luck on trying my list of some-not-so-foolish-things compared to yours :)
P.S. I have changed the title to make it more appropriate. And right now I am having second thoughts on doing my top rank! I'm not talking about the bungee jumping. I realized my top 1 may not be smart at all.
For the love of work
"You do your best work if you do a job that makes you happy."
Why this line so much caught my attention? For the sole reason that my current job had snatched me away from the things that I learn to love doing for the past three years, that includes this, blog writing. Not to mention my job somehow keeps me from doing some of my usual stuff like going to a mall for a window shop, or meeting with friends for a jog around the corner, or going to salon for a regular haircut... just like today! I am supposed to be out of the office as early as six pm and rush to a nearby decent salon to have a haircut but I'm stuck between demands and urgency of my work.
I did not post this to rant and fuss over a haircut that was missed. There's no use to rant, none at all, after all the years I've spent on this industry, where most people sat in front of their monitor for hours without even blinking an eye, where at some turn of unexpected events, people will be obliged to extend time beyond 8hrs and worst, stay 24hrs just to deliver what was committed to the client. I'm used to this but at some point I felt the routine tedious. And if not because I enjoy the job, I would just love to quit.
I love my job. I love my job. Does it sound like a chant? For some, maybe. But I just would like to stress more on the thought when you really enjoy what you are doing, when you really find joys on things however big or small, simple or complicated, you will feel blessed. Not to mention the gratification you'll get from it when your effort gets noticed.
I don't know why everyone keeps on complaining about the complexities and demands of their job when the simplest and best way to end their 'so called' misery is to just quit. You know, when you think you're no longer happy and all you've got is resentment, then leave, move forward. It's not healthy to stay when you no longer see the purpose why you're staying, when you no longer see what's the company/job has in store for your future. When you think you have already reached your maximum potential or that there's something preventing you from working out your capability, you might as well consider it as a go signal to look for a greener pasture. Don't spread out the bad vibes, keep it to yourself.
When everyone is asking why I'm still here, I just say I'm still good. But at the back of my mind, I do ponder some thoughts: I'm still here because...
- every morning, I woke up and found out I'm still thrilled with the thought of going to office (the excitement is still there)
- i think of my to do list
- i look forward to accomplish these tasks on my list
Enjoying your work makes it effortless. Loving your work always makes you put your best foot forward.
Why this line so much caught my attention? For the sole reason that my current job had snatched me away from the things that I learn to love doing for the past three years, that includes this, blog writing. Not to mention my job somehow keeps me from doing some of my usual stuff like going to a mall for a window shop, or meeting with friends for a jog around the corner, or going to salon for a regular haircut... just like today! I am supposed to be out of the office as early as six pm and rush to a nearby decent salon to have a haircut but I'm stuck between demands and urgency of my work.
I did not post this to rant and fuss over a haircut that was missed. There's no use to rant, none at all, after all the years I've spent on this industry, where most people sat in front of their monitor for hours without even blinking an eye, where at some turn of unexpected events, people will be obliged to extend time beyond 8hrs and worst, stay 24hrs just to deliver what was committed to the client. I'm used to this but at some point I felt the routine tedious. And if not because I enjoy the job, I would just love to quit.
I love my job. I love my job. Does it sound like a chant? For some, maybe. But I just would like to stress more on the thought when you really enjoy what you are doing, when you really find joys on things however big or small, simple or complicated, you will feel blessed. Not to mention the gratification you'll get from it when your effort gets noticed.
I don't know why everyone keeps on complaining about the complexities and demands of their job when the simplest and best way to end their 'so called' misery is to just quit. You know, when you think you're no longer happy and all you've got is resentment, then leave, move forward. It's not healthy to stay when you no longer see the purpose why you're staying, when you no longer see what's the company/job has in store for your future. When you think you have already reached your maximum potential or that there's something preventing you from working out your capability, you might as well consider it as a go signal to look for a greener pasture. Don't spread out the bad vibes, keep it to yourself.
When everyone is asking why I'm still here, I just say I'm still good. But at the back of my mind, I do ponder some thoughts: I'm still here because...
- every morning, I woke up and found out I'm still thrilled with the thought of going to office (the excitement is still there)
- i think of my to do list
- i look forward to accomplish these tasks on my list
Enjoying your work makes it effortless. Loving your work always makes you put your best foot forward.
False Alarm
I'm trying to revive my blog and taking advantage of every little time I've got amidst hectic schedule but the only chance I could get is when almost everyone in the office is leaving and I too felt the need to rush out.
By this time, picture me sitting in the middle of the office room, surrounded by empty working cubicles. Aircon is off and ALL ligths are on. My head swells. I'm feeling like my hair is standing on end. I'm wiggling my toes... I'm looking away from the mirror on my table thinking I might see ghostly reflections. Aside from the noise I'm producing because I'm typing this as hard and fast as I can, there is an occassional tapping sound on the keyboard on one of the cubicle at my farthest right. I'm hearing noises at my back, sound like the filing cabinet is being opened. Someone is like shuffling papers at the printer. Gosh!! Are these all my imaginations?
I must leave but I can't. I need to finish the installation of this application. Of all the good times, why this installation is taking so long now! I need to check this one damn, tricky bug so come Monday, this will be no longer on my to do list - one off the load. Oh, What the heck!!! I'm hearing footsteps! ***Sigh*** Goosebumps!
It's my officemate, thank God! Wait!!! Is he really??? I called his name, oh yes he did respond. Gulp, I can breath now. He'll be staying till 10pm. Whoaa!
By this time, picture me sitting in the middle of the office room, surrounded by empty working cubicles. Aircon is off and ALL ligths are on. My head swells. I'm feeling like my hair is standing on end. I'm wiggling my toes... I'm looking away from the mirror on my table thinking I might see ghostly reflections. Aside from the noise I'm producing because I'm typing this as hard and fast as I can, there is an occassional tapping sound on the keyboard on one of the cubicle at my farthest right. I'm hearing noises at my back, sound like the filing cabinet is being opened. Someone is like shuffling papers at the printer. Gosh!! Are these all my imaginations?
I must leave but I can't. I need to finish the installation of this application. Of all the good times, why this installation is taking so long now! I need to check this one damn, tricky bug so come Monday, this will be no longer on my to do list - one off the load. Oh, What the heck!!! I'm hearing footsteps! ***Sigh*** Goosebumps!
It's my officemate, thank God! Wait!!! Is he really??? I called his name, oh yes he did respond. Gulp, I can breath now. He'll be staying till 10pm. Whoaa!
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