I'm trying to revive my blog and taking advantage of every little time I've got amidst hectic schedule but the only chance I could get is when almost everyone in the office is leaving and I too felt the need to rush out.
By this time, picture me sitting in the middle of the office room, surrounded by empty working cubicles. Aircon is off and ALL ligths are on. My head swells. I'm feeling like my hair is standing on end. I'm wiggling my toes... I'm looking away from the mirror on my table thinking I might see ghostly reflections. Aside from the noise I'm producing because I'm typing this as hard and fast as I can, there is an occassional tapping sound on the keyboard on one of the cubicle at my farthest right. I'm hearing noises at my back, sound like the filing cabinet is being opened. Someone is like shuffling papers at the printer. Gosh!! Are these all my imaginations?
I must leave but I can't. I need to finish the installation of this application. Of all the good times, why this installation is taking so long now! I need to check this one damn, tricky bug so come Monday, this will be no longer on my to do list - one off the load. Oh, What the heck!!! I'm hearing footsteps! ***Sigh*** Goosebumps!
It's my officemate, thank God! Wait!!! Is he really??? I called his name, oh yes he did respond. Gulp, I can breath now. He'll be staying till 10pm. Whoaa!
Sayonara onee-san
I don't want to make it a habit that every time I have a time to update this blog, I bring in sad stories. Maybe because I'm down and sad, and thoughts keep on pestering me that I need to find a way to discharge it. And writing down is just the easiest it is like applying a balm to my aching heart.
Some says it is hard being the one to leave but it is harder being the one who stays. For me, what's most disturbing is not knowing, even a hint, the reason of someone's decision to just 'pop' and disappear. But the aching part here, is that a person you have learned to love decided to took her life and walk out of everyone's life forever. No more seeing her face, no more hearing her laughter, no more feeling her as you walk hand in hand.
The things that you can do when such tragedy happens is to just hold on to happy memories. The resentment if there might have been, the misunderstanding if it existed all forgotten. Ironic, because when a person is gone that is the only time that one realizes that person's importance, all the good things done will be remembered. Misdoings all forgiven.
Though I don't have any resentment and don't recall any misunderstanding, but the part that I'm guilty about is that I had kept my distance. If I tried a harder, will it be a little different?
To my onee-san, even though I have just known you in a little while, I'd still have my memory of you. You've loved my mother and that was the reason why I looked up to you. To you, sayonara.
And forgive me if I'm questioning you over something I don't have the right to ask and for doubting you. I don't know your dilemma. I don't have any idea of what you've been thru. And for that... gomensai...
Sayonara onee-san :(
Some says it is hard being the one to leave but it is harder being the one who stays. For me, what's most disturbing is not knowing, even a hint, the reason of someone's decision to just 'pop' and disappear. But the aching part here, is that a person you have learned to love decided to took her life and walk out of everyone's life forever. No more seeing her face, no more hearing her laughter, no more feeling her as you walk hand in hand.
The things that you can do when such tragedy happens is to just hold on to happy memories. The resentment if there might have been, the misunderstanding if it existed all forgotten. Ironic, because when a person is gone that is the only time that one realizes that person's importance, all the good things done will be remembered. Misdoings all forgiven.
Though I don't have any resentment and don't recall any misunderstanding, but the part that I'm guilty about is that I had kept my distance. If I tried a harder, will it be a little different?
To my onee-san, even though I have just known you in a little while, I'd still have my memory of you. You've loved my mother and that was the reason why I looked up to you. To you, sayonara.
And forgive me if I'm questioning you over something I don't have the right to ask and for doubting you. I don't know your dilemma. I don't have any idea of what you've been thru. And for that... gomensai...
Sayonara onee-san :(
The Look
Being beautiful is a desire that almost everyone so wanted to accomplished. Though physical beauty is a God-given gift, it can surely be enhanced. One just needs to pay attention on his/her appearance. Like for us women, merely by using cosmetics, we can increase our attractiveness. Physical beauty is just as important as character is and how people see you physically during first meeting will likely imprint an impression on you. Remember... read more
and don't forget to press the like button ;)
and don't forget to press the like button ;)
Inward Reflection
God doesn't play dice. When He created me, He was looking at a bigger picture. He was looking at the future. I have a little significant purpose that is why I am here. I may feel my life is just following a wandering course, it is because I have yet to understand or realize the reason of my existence.
Today is my second day of reading The Purpose Driven Life book. Reading this book was an overdue plan made into action when during our Christmas exchange gift, we were required to give a wish-list worth at least 500 pesos. I could not think of anything but the pepper spray (for self-defense) amounting to 300 pesos and this book, the Purpose Driven Life at 225 pesos.
Since before I've been questioning God why I was born this way. Honestly, I am not fully satisfied at how I physically look. I don't like my built, I'm petite and always been a victim of ridicule. Sometimes, it is the root of my diffidence. But since high school till then I learned to stand and face those bouts of life. I became sturdy instead of vulnerable. I became flexible. I've got insecurities and whenever this feeling strikes, I always remind myself to be happy of what I got and to look at my positive traits. See what God had made me? I developed a strong personality.
God prescribed every single detail of your body. He deliberately chose your race, the color of your skin, your hair and every other feature...
My petite figure is definitely not a mistake. Whenever I overcome insecurities and whenever somebody praises me for the beauty they'd seen in me, I tend to show feelings of unwarranted importance because of overbearing pride. I struggle inside to suppress that exuberance. But my friends or acquaintances, they may have their own observations and thoughts. I may felt or convinced myself that I had suppressed that pride but I may unknowingly acted just the opposite. And I'm not happy about that. My petite figure is not a mistake or accident. God knows if He had given me a perfect figure, I may not learned how to appreciate what I have, to be considerate of the feelings of others and to be humble. The way I am is purposely given by God to bend me to someone pleasing to Him. Right now, I'm not saying I am perfectly humble, deep inside I'm restraining that pride but I am trying to be humble with no sense of excessive self-respect.
Everything we posses has its intended purpose that molds us into who we will become.
I should have not posted this, this is my inward reflection and I initially intend to silently keep it in me. But I just would like to share it so that anyone who feel like he's somebody would start thinking how to bring down his inflated feeling of pride, his feeling of superiority and just learn to be modest and appreciate what others have without the grudging admiration.
Today is my second day of reading The Purpose Driven Life book. Reading this book was an overdue plan made into action when during our Christmas exchange gift, we were required to give a wish-list worth at least 500 pesos. I could not think of anything but the pepper spray (for self-defense) amounting to 300 pesos and this book, the Purpose Driven Life at 225 pesos.
Since before I've been questioning God why I was born this way. Honestly, I am not fully satisfied at how I physically look. I don't like my built, I'm petite and always been a victim of ridicule. Sometimes, it is the root of my diffidence. But since high school till then I learned to stand and face those bouts of life. I became sturdy instead of vulnerable. I became flexible. I've got insecurities and whenever this feeling strikes, I always remind myself to be happy of what I got and to look at my positive traits. See what God had made me? I developed a strong personality.
God prescribed every single detail of your body. He deliberately chose your race, the color of your skin, your hair and every other feature...
My petite figure is definitely not a mistake. Whenever I overcome insecurities and whenever somebody praises me for the beauty they'd seen in me, I tend to show feelings of unwarranted importance because of overbearing pride. I struggle inside to suppress that exuberance. But my friends or acquaintances, they may have their own observations and thoughts. I may felt or convinced myself that I had suppressed that pride but I may unknowingly acted just the opposite. And I'm not happy about that. My petite figure is not a mistake or accident. God knows if He had given me a perfect figure, I may not learned how to appreciate what I have, to be considerate of the feelings of others and to be humble. The way I am is purposely given by God to bend me to someone pleasing to Him. Right now, I'm not saying I am perfectly humble, deep inside I'm restraining that pride but I am trying to be humble with no sense of excessive self-respect.
Everything we posses has its intended purpose that molds us into who we will become.
I should have not posted this, this is my inward reflection and I initially intend to silently keep it in me. But I just would like to share it so that anyone who feel like he's somebody would start thinking how to bring down his inflated feeling of pride, his feeling of superiority and just learn to be modest and appreciate what others have without the grudging admiration.
What's Next?
It is the first of January 2011. And I'm feeling sleepy but I cannot bring myself to sleep without shedding my first thought of this year.
Another year had slipped off. 2010, once been welcomed with great joy and expectations, is now a part of history. 2010 has been extremely remarkable for all of us Filipinos.
To name a few, the global financial crisis felt sometime of 2008 which brought mass layoffs to a number of companies somehow had been lessen if not ended in the year 2010. This is something positive though there still lots of jobless college graduates that contributed to a high unemployment rate.
The ex-President's death on year 2009 had helped increase political power to her son, now President Ninoy. Filipinos were united to elect someone they believed can be trusted, who exhibits concern with Philippine government, someone who will going to act on better governance and to lessen if not totally eradicate corruption. The 2010 election I believe is the first time in the Philippine history where no cheating was done on presidential position. Take note, presidential position only.
The poverty that most indigent Pinoy have been experiencing is no less but greater than the year before. But thank God that the same Ondoy tragedy that caused deaths of hundreds of Filipinos in the year 2009 did not reoccur. Though there are lists of natural disasters from the different parts of the Philippines, Filipinos still live through great extent of survival. And not to mention the hostage-taking happened near the Manila city hall, just off Rizal Park leaving Philippine lambasted with critics, another blow to an arising success of Philippine tourism.
Come 2011, what's next?
We have our own sets of expectations and goals. Renewed hope? Yes, new year restores our mind sets, leaving negativities with the old year. Renewed people especially politicians? How I wish we will have.
Another year had slipped off. 2010, once been welcomed with great joy and expectations, is now a part of history. 2010 has been extremely remarkable for all of us Filipinos.
To name a few, the global financial crisis felt sometime of 2008 which brought mass layoffs to a number of companies somehow had been lessen if not ended in the year 2010. This is something positive though there still lots of jobless college graduates that contributed to a high unemployment rate.
The ex-President's death on year 2009 had helped increase political power to her son, now President Ninoy. Filipinos were united to elect someone they believed can be trusted, who exhibits concern with Philippine government, someone who will going to act on better governance and to lessen if not totally eradicate corruption. The 2010 election I believe is the first time in the Philippine history where no cheating was done on presidential position. Take note, presidential position only.
The poverty that most indigent Pinoy have been experiencing is no less but greater than the year before. But thank God that the same Ondoy tragedy that caused deaths of hundreds of Filipinos in the year 2009 did not reoccur. Though there are lists of natural disasters from the different parts of the Philippines, Filipinos still live through great extent of survival. And not to mention the hostage-taking happened near the Manila city hall, just off Rizal Park leaving Philippine lambasted with critics, another blow to an arising success of Philippine tourism.
Come 2011, what's next?
We have our own sets of expectations and goals. Renewed hope? Yes, new year restores our mind sets, leaving negativities with the old year. Renewed people especially politicians? How I wish we will have.
Contemplations
It's almost the end of year and a beginning of a new year. Just the usual time when we take a look at where we stand with our lives and dreams, whether we are where we expected ourselves to be.
We evaluate ourselves of the following:
- what we have and haven't accomplished
- the highlights and low-lights of the past year
- the things we should have done better
- the things that we haven't done because we were afraid of the consequences
I know somewhere, some are contemplating on the following rhetorical questions:
For those that are burn-out or no longer happy staying with their job, is it time to leave my job? Followed with, am I making enough money? Piece of advice: before you fly off your job, be sure to have a replacement. Remember that a bird in the hand is so much better than two in the bush. No matter how burn-out you are, spice up your patience to punch your time card until you find something else better.
For those that are planning to get married, is he/she really the one for me? Will our love lasts a lifetime? Am I ready to accept his/her flaws and love him/her with his/her imperfections? Hmmm.. are you having a pre-wedding jitters? Before you end up being a runaway bride/groom, think about this: can you live the rest of your life without him/her? If your answer is no, then it is likely that he/she is really the one for you despite all his/her imperfections and your love will lasts till you both have gray hairs and wrinkles on your face until such time that one of you will leave this earth.
For those half-halfheartedly deciding on something, is my decision right? Weighing the pros and cons of a decision is really hard. Just think about the consequences of what you are going to do and think about the good it will brought you and the people which will directly be affected by your actions.
For those experiencing problem with their life, will I survive this blow? Of course you will! God is not going to give you a cross you could not carry. Just hold on to him while steadfastly carrying on your burden. It is not always all the time that fate is against you.
Oh and I personally mull over some two questions above.
Just this Christmas, I had prepared a list of things I want to receive as a gift. A wish list. As expected, I have not received everything in that list. But as I withdraw myself from that christmassy feeling, I would like to replace that Christmas list with a 2011 wish list, my personal game plan of what will come next. Same to that Christmas wish list, I'm as well expecting some in the list will not go the way I planned it to be.
As I look back at my 2010 life full of surprises, ups and downs, I admit I could not 100% figure out where I stand. But with my 2011 wish list tucked in mind, I'm definitely sure to welcome 2011 with big changes :)
Crossing my fingers that luck will knock at my door this 2011 and the same wish goes to everyone.
We evaluate ourselves of the following:
- what we have and haven't accomplished
- the highlights and low-lights of the past year
- the things we should have done better
- the things that we haven't done because we were afraid of the consequences
I know somewhere, some are contemplating on the following rhetorical questions:
For those that are burn-out or no longer happy staying with their job, is it time to leave my job? Followed with, am I making enough money? Piece of advice: before you fly off your job, be sure to have a replacement. Remember that a bird in the hand is so much better than two in the bush. No matter how burn-out you are, spice up your patience to punch your time card until you find something else better.
For those that are planning to get married, is he/she really the one for me? Will our love lasts a lifetime? Am I ready to accept his/her flaws and love him/her with his/her imperfections? Hmmm.. are you having a pre-wedding jitters? Before you end up being a runaway bride/groom, think about this: can you live the rest of your life without him/her? If your answer is no, then it is likely that he/she is really the one for you despite all his/her imperfections and your love will lasts till you both have gray hairs and wrinkles on your face until such time that one of you will leave this earth.
For those half-halfheartedly deciding on something, is my decision right? Weighing the pros and cons of a decision is really hard. Just think about the consequences of what you are going to do and think about the good it will brought you and the people which will directly be affected by your actions.
For those experiencing problem with their life, will I survive this blow? Of course you will! God is not going to give you a cross you could not carry. Just hold on to him while steadfastly carrying on your burden. It is not always all the time that fate is against you.
Oh and I personally mull over some two questions above.
Just this Christmas, I had prepared a list of things I want to receive as a gift. A wish list. As expected, I have not received everything in that list. But as I withdraw myself from that christmassy feeling, I would like to replace that Christmas list with a 2011 wish list, my personal game plan of what will come next. Same to that Christmas wish list, I'm as well expecting some in the list will not go the way I planned it to be.
As I look back at my 2010 life full of surprises, ups and downs, I admit I could not 100% figure out where I stand. But with my 2011 wish list tucked in mind, I'm definitely sure to welcome 2011 with big changes :)
Crossing my fingers that luck will knock at my door this 2011 and the same wish goes to everyone.
Things to thank for
As I behest myself to reflect on my life this past one year, it dawned on me that despite a number of disappointments and an endless list of things unaccomplished, my life has still been considerably rich and rewarding.
For one, the problem I had encountered with my job application earlier this year had been a blessing in disguise. I have earned their trust and respect which in return, I had achieved yet again another factor that contributed to my 'self-worth'.
The confusion with my family was straightened out. The exchanges of defensive words had led us to listen and understand each other better. It helped us be more appreciative of each other plus the fight we had became an avenue for us to have an open communication and a higher degree of closeness. I admit it really helped me a lot. My worrying nature that causes me to be short-tempered lessens.
My nephew died and during this grave situation, my family was together and even my boyfriend was there to help. Together, we had pulled through each other, we had pulled though my brother. And this situation had instilled a lesson into my brother who I think is still not ready to be a father. Sad to say, a life-lesson learned at the expense of losing a family member. I know God did not want like this to happen, but His will serves a purpose. During those moments at the hospital, while watching my nephew having a hard time breathing, I whispered to God that if he's really meant for us then save my nephew of all the pain and let him live, but if he's not then take him and we will give him back to Him. It helped me realized that whatever He gave us will be taken from us if were not worth it.
My relationship with my boyfriend has its own ups and downs. The ups had let us enjoy and cherish each other, the downs made us appreciate and bring the best of each other making our bond stronger. I pray that this bond is tight enough to face another storm that surely would come our way and I also pray that nothing will obstruct our plan this coming year.
Lastly, I've been financially tight but despite the low budget, we were able to get through by not being recklessly wasteful.
I have other things to be thankful of, the good friendship I have with some, my housemates, yen, zette, shiela (we are with each other whenever the low of life hits)... my mother despite being an old woman is still trying her best to cook meals (the best!) for us, new acquaintance (Ms. Mabelle who's trying to help me with my Mary Kay business). I also want to thank people who had been unpleasant and had added a challenge to my life. It is also through them that I considered my life meaningful. Without this kind of people, how on earth would I learn how to deal with difficult people? For this, I thank God for sending them my way :)
I thank my boyfriend for giving me a laptop as a gift. With this laptop, I hope I could resurrect my blogging life.
For one, the problem I had encountered with my job application earlier this year had been a blessing in disguise. I have earned their trust and respect which in return, I had achieved yet again another factor that contributed to my 'self-worth'.
The confusion with my family was straightened out. The exchanges of defensive words had led us to listen and understand each other better. It helped us be more appreciative of each other plus the fight we had became an avenue for us to have an open communication and a higher degree of closeness. I admit it really helped me a lot. My worrying nature that causes me to be short-tempered lessens.
My nephew died and during this grave situation, my family was together and even my boyfriend was there to help. Together, we had pulled through each other, we had pulled though my brother. And this situation had instilled a lesson into my brother who I think is still not ready to be a father. Sad to say, a life-lesson learned at the expense of losing a family member. I know God did not want like this to happen, but His will serves a purpose. During those moments at the hospital, while watching my nephew having a hard time breathing, I whispered to God that if he's really meant for us then save my nephew of all the pain and let him live, but if he's not then take him and we will give him back to Him. It helped me realized that whatever He gave us will be taken from us if were not worth it.
My relationship with my boyfriend has its own ups and downs. The ups had let us enjoy and cherish each other, the downs made us appreciate and bring the best of each other making our bond stronger. I pray that this bond is tight enough to face another storm that surely would come our way and I also pray that nothing will obstruct our plan this coming year.
Lastly, I've been financially tight but despite the low budget, we were able to get through by not being recklessly wasteful.
I have other things to be thankful of, the good friendship I have with some, my housemates, yen, zette, shiela (we are with each other whenever the low of life hits)... my mother despite being an old woman is still trying her best to cook meals (the best!) for us, new acquaintance (Ms. Mabelle who's trying to help me with my Mary Kay business). I also want to thank people who had been unpleasant and had added a challenge to my life. It is also through them that I considered my life meaningful. Without this kind of people, how on earth would I learn how to deal with difficult people? For this, I thank God for sending them my way :)
I thank my boyfriend for giving me a laptop as a gift. With this laptop, I hope I could resurrect my blogging life.
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